If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
denbroncos007
Daisy
Mine controlled me in a similar fashion; he wasn’t “domineering” but he was able to 100% control my emotions. He was able to make me feel GREAT about our relationSHIT and then make me feel like crap when he wanted to as well–so he was able to make our relationship what he wanted and when he wanted and I kept taking it…. He controlled every aspect of our relationship… But he never tried to control me per say – I could do what I wanted, go where I wanted but also knew I couldn’t really go do what I wanted, like hang out with my gfs, or go away for a girls wknd because the last time I did something like that, he went out and cheated on me. It was because of my own insecurity….
Amazing how much of our identity we give up for these spaths!
darwinsmom
denver,
I’m not sure, but there seems to be the possibility that there is a misunderstanding of what the meaning of the temperament introvert and extravert is. It does not mean that they don’t like people (spaths don’t like anyone anyhow), but it has to do with how a person refills their energy supply (non food) and energy use.
Extraverts are people who find their energy through mixing with people. They will start to feel like coming alive energetically wise by going out, seeing people. They can love being at home, quiety, watching tele or reading a book, but if they neglect to mix with people socially, their energy levels drops. High extraverts would tend to be chatty, bubbly, energized in a social event. But a lot of it is also is just experience. As they tend to socialize more, they’re more used to talking to strangers. But they can be shy too, or just be in crowds and observe others. They don’t necessarily have more friends, and they may dislike most people they meet.
For an introvert it’s the other way around. They re-energize by doing stuff that does not include interacting much with people. They can enjoy meeting people though, and be lively. But they don’t get energy from it.
I think with spaths though, when it comes to extraversion and introversion, there’s this I regard.
Ex-spath was an abnormal extravert. He would take center stage, was loud, very noticeable and highly energized with a crowd. He made super easy contact with anyone he wanted. I actually recognized a lot of myself in that… I used to say to others who yet needed to meet him: I’ve got to warn you, he’s like me, but ‘more’ so… take me on parties, and then double it. But he was also extremely brooding for example. And he certainly never really liked anyone he met. He dislikes everyone.
When I think about it now: he was either an extreme extravert, or an extreme introvert. It was as if he acted out the image-prototype of the extravert as well as the introvert… And as with most acts by spaths, it looks like it, but then over the top. Like when they act out being angry. They’re over the top angry, but something about it is so exaggerated about it, so over the top, that it also gives you “there’s something off” feeling, like it isn’t really real. And it isn’t real. It’s an act. The true spath rage is cold and calculated and ever present. It’s not the drama-rama shouting, waving, etc.
Sp, if the extravert show and the introvert show was an act with the ex, why would I still regard him as an extreme extravert? On his own, without social action and anyone to mirror, he was like an empty being: nobody home. He sought people constantly: to mirror, to con, to play an act, to be someone. All that gave him existence and energy. That’s what he lived for.
Daisy
Laura,
Mine did the same as yours…never blamed me for anything. Always acted so devastated that he hurt me.
As for the new girlfriend knowing him…riiiiight. Like sky said last night classic narc behavior.
I get the impression from all the things she has said and is doing that she enjoys the power of having him at her mercy. She enjoys the begging he does when he thinks he is going to lose you. Maybe they deserve each other haha
Sunflower and moving and anyone else…come chat with us tonight!
denbroncos007
Darwinsmom
That sounds about right- but based on what you said I would still have to say my exspath was an introvert; I’m very social and bubbly, love talking to people being in social settings, etcetera.
The energy my ex spath gets is from doing things he enjoys and doesn’t need to be around anyone ….. As a matter of fact there were not very many occasions where he had anything good to say about people in general. Those closest to him were regarded as dumb or had issues, those he barely knew especially on a professional level were “all right.”
darwinsmom
Denver,
spaths have bad things to say about everyone… they’re mysanthropes. They hate humanity. Including the extravert ones.
But yeah, when he gets his energy from doing stuff without anyone, then he’s an introvert.
kim frederick
My X husband came home and told me he loved me, because his tramp told him to. Puke. Really. Puke.
MoonDancer
my x told me he loved me, because that’s how he kept me off balance and confused.
Louise
This is reminding me how some people where I used to work would say about spath…”Oh, he’s British, that’s just the way he is.” (This was when he would walk around saying fuck all the time…yes, you heard me right…an executive at a huge company walking around talking trashy). I even asked him, “I wonder what would happen to me if I walked around talking like that?” Without missing a beat he said, “You would be fired.” That really pisses me off. So he’s allowed to just get away with everything?? Perhaps I can go to England and act like an asshole and everyone will just say “Oh, it’s OK…she’s American.” Hahaha, LMAO.
kim frederick
Yeah. That’s really arrogant. Yuck.
Louise
kim:
Super arrogant. Notice how he was so quick to tell me that I would be fired! Yeah, since I was five levels below him. Bastard, bastard, bastard. That’s my poetry!! 🙂