If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Thank you biggest,
Its so true, we get stuck with the burden! What a harsh lesson.
Hello Everyone,
I just found this site few days ago and I was shocked!
This is my experience. I met a guy online and he sounds like an amazing man. Good heart, loving, caring and extremely charismatic.
We moved in together within 3 weeks, I was so in love. He was so nice to me, so loving and so caring, and quite honestly I had never got so much attention from anyone before. In next few weeks we wanted me to marry him and have a loving family together. This shocked me so we got engaged.
I was living with him for almost 3 years. After only 1 month he suddenly changed: become very controlling, when he didn’t get his way he will throwing things around, punching walls and he was calling me every name in the book. I was shocked again.
I wasn’t allowed to be on the phone with anybody for more then 5 minutes (including my parents) because that pissed him off really bad.
I wasn’t allowed to go to the gym, or even go to work because he thought I can meet someone else. Terror just began…
Of course I found out that he never worked, his family supported him financially his whole life.
After 12 months I found a job and I was able to escape. He was calling me 20-30 times a day to beg me to come back. He told me how he has changed and how much he love me, etc…
Then I agreed to give him a second chance, stupid me!
I was working 12 hours a day, seven days a week and he was playing a video games. Suddenly my perfect world started to crumble… I didn’t have enough money to support both of us.
I am not sure if he is a psychopath but I know something is off.
Constant lying, drama stories, being very secretive, outburst for trivial not important reasons, not working, making me feel guilty all the time, excuses and blame everybody for his misfortune.
I was constantly worry about the bills, to put food on the table and he didn’t care to help!
I make him leave my place when he put his hands on me and got really physical, I think he just moved out because he got scare of cops.
He left me financially, emotionally damaged and he still calls to let me know that we going to be happy family and that he loves me, miss me and he cannot wait for us to be together? Am I crazy or something? I don’t get it! He hurt me so much and he still thinks that everything is going to be ok? I told him several times before the brake up that is over and I don’t want have nothing to do with him and I have to heart this? Happy family stories? I am just so shocked that I cannot even explain. I had never in my life met anyone like him.
I didn’t know that people like this exists!
He always plays on his bad childhood, how everyone in his family hurts him, nobody wanted him, he was abused, he is a victim. How someone can hurt other people so bad and just not feel bad about this? I don’t get it. I am trying very hard to make sense out of it but I don’t have an any legit explanations.
It’s really possible that someone can have no feelings of compassion towards others? no remorse, no guilt, no shame?
Is this for real?
For love of God I was worry about paying bills and take care of my kids, him and he was thinking about getting plastic surgery for $10000? Like he is a center of Universe, a God, the most important person in the world? I cannot make sense out of it at all, I just can’t wrap my head around all of this.
Usually men are taking big proud of their work, being independent and don’t ask women for financial support, usually for guys this is a big deal!
And these empty promises, this bs bright future, being famous and all Almighty… I don’t get it.
Every normal human being feel bad when they say something terrible to anybody, but here nothing… He can treat you terrible, call you names and in next 2 minutes is acting like nothing ever happened.
He had told me that he wasn’t wanted so he try to kill someone from his family before he’s 13 birthday. His family is staying away, they don’t want have nothing to do with him. So weird…
I felt sorry for him at times because he was playing perfect image of abused kid and terrible family! He used to say that I am the only one who understand him and really care for him.
He just wanted me and him and no kids or family involved because they will damage our perfect relationship (his words)
I was worry about the real big financial problems and the only responses I got was 3 words: I love you, I love you, I love you? What in the world? How you will let someone suffer so much and act like everything is just perfect?
So many beautiful words, so much talk about the love and so much abuse and hurt in the same time? Do they have any feelings? any compassion towards others? How someone can be so evil?
I feel like this never going to stop! do they ever go away? I don’t want to go through life being scared like he can pop up any place, any time.
If anyone went through anything like this, how you make them stop bothering you? I want to heal, I want to get better, I want to forget and move on.
It looks to me like he wants to destroy me completely, so I can’t live my own life. How you deal with this? Do you have any advice?
Brokenheart
Survivor828 – everything you are describing is typical of sociopathic coercive control.
The words that he uses to keep you around – “I love you” – are lies. He is not capable of love.
You must get away from him. He will continue to contact you as long as you allow it. You must have “No Contact” with him. Do not respond to anything.
We have many articles on Lovefraud that may help you. Post when you have questions and someone will offer moral support.
survivor828,
Welcome,you’ve come to the right place to find answers to your questions;to receive the support you need…and best of all,to find healing!
As you continue reading here,you will find many experiences similar to your own.As sad as it is,there is no fixing these people.We’ve tried…to our own detriment.They have their “tool box” of manipulations or clever ploys.So the first thing you need to educate yourself about is the red flags that help identify a sociopath.Most of them do start off acting charming & loving;but they’re just mirroring other people so that they can “lovebomb”their target.It is when they remove their mask that we see their evil side.
Do not feel guilty or humiliated because you decided to give him a second chance.Many of us have done the same thing.But the only way you can keep your sanity and peace of mind is to stop all contact with this person.No phone calls,no texting,no email,no checking his social page.
~~~To Happiness & Healing~~~
Survivor828,
He sounds like a classic sociopath. Get out and save yourself. You cannot change, save, understand, or reason with someone like that. The best you can do is walk away and protect yourself. Once you have some distance, you can start to look at why you feel the need to fix and save unhealthy men, and why you tolerated so much disrespect. But first things first. Just cut him off. Change your phone number if you have to.
You are not crazy. Sociopaths twist things around to make it look like it is always your fault and you are the crazy one. And they can be very convincing. They don’t take responsibility for anything. Emotional vampires, they will suck the life out of you if you let them.
Absolutely cut off all contact. If might be difficult at first not to respond to a text or email. My attorney said all he wants is a reaction out me so he can manipulate and control. I don’t even read the texts or emails anymore. You can easily block emails so they go right into the trash and then delete. Unfortunately you cannot block I messages. If I see his number, the message gets deleted right away. He will not “push my buttons” like he used to so he can twist everything around. I used to think that I was the crazy one. Now I know that he does not or will never have that control over me again. I am not angry or bitter anymore. I will go on with my life. Don’t worry about the past of the future, live in the present. If you are able to cut off all contact without even being tempted to respond you made an enormous step ahead in the healing. That is what my counselor said. Ignoring him equals defeating him. Best of luck to everyone.
Thanks everyone for a support. I do stay away from him but he is texting, emailing non stop. He is doing anything he can to get me to respond to him like posting horrible things about me all over the social media outlets! He will do anything to get back together with me.
That’s what I do not understand. If you tell someone that is over, good bye I don’t want to see you anymore, usually everyone understand this but what is creepy to me is the fact that he seems like he didn’t heard me! For example I was saying that is over between us and after 30 minutes of conversation he answer me saying, Yeah everything is going to be great, we are going to get married and have a happy family, I love you very much??. They seems to not get it!
survivor828,
That is their way of dismissing you,your opinions,thoughts and decisions.They try to make you a nobody.In time it usually works.That is why it is necessary to take control back.That’s done with No Contact.They cannot stand it when they aren’t in control!
Not that easy for me. He threats me that if I am not going to call him back or email him back he is going to call every single client (I have a pr business) and he will destroy my business so I will not make money anymore. He is very very revengeful and he will definitely “pay me back” meaning I am going to get it:-(
So I am not sure who to talk to about the possible slander, etc.
survivor828 – a sociopath’s objective is power and control. He does not want to lose control over you. That’s what the threats are about.
I suggest that you put your PR skills to work and handle this like a crisis response. Make a plan and execute it.
First of all, educate yourself totally about this disorder. My book, “Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath,” will explain everything you’re dealing with.
Then, visit all of your clients. Explain that you will be leaving an abusive relationship and that your soon-to-be ex has threatened to disparage you to your clients. If they hear from him, they should understand that he is most likely a sociopath.
Once you have inoculated everyone, tell the guy ONE TIME that you will no longer have any contact with him. From that moment on, do not respond to him EVER AGAIN.
Is he violent? If so, you should be very cautious. The most dangerous time is right when you leave a violent abuser. You may need to take precautions.
Survivor, they are not like normal people and they don’t play by the same rules. Donna’s post is right on the money. I would do exactly what she said.
Survivor,
I am so saddened that you too have been targeted by a disordered freak. We all have, we all have the same stories. It’s as if we all were dating the same guy. I am at 55 days NC, and the FOG (FEAR, OBLIGATION, and Guilt) is fading, slowly. The only way to gain some sanity and sensibility is NO CONTACT. No emails, texts, calls. NOTHING. Starve that leech. He is a sick individual that is projecting his sickness on you. Even if you have to go minute by minute, day by day, you will heal. You CAN DO THIS!!