If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
conomo
There are lots of holes in my life…I fully understand your feeling of loss…but it is not the end…..as you can attest…9 years?? you have surpassed me in th ehealingprocess
What struck a chord??? I need validation/confirmation too…
witsend
Henry, gosh here you are according to your above post as mad as you can be, and your still funny!
You really are my hero. I have never known a man who is angry and can make me laugh while he is ranting. Except you.
ErinBrock
Hi witty…..
🙂
jeannie812
The list is awesome. It describes it so perfectly, and in simple terms.
I learned more from this post than I learned from Psychology class. You took out the blah, blah, blah and you explained it in layman terms.
Every man I was with was a sociopath. They were all quick to move in on me. Then they acted undecided. Acted like they weren’t sure they wanted this relationship. While they kept an eye on me to make sure I didn’t move on. Leaving me hanging. I would ask questions. They interrupted me in mid-sentence to talk over me, to tell me that they are right and I am wrong. They had a answer for everything. Lied and cheated on me. Told me it was my fault. Told me I did something wrong.
To one of the posters: I gotta say: Don’t share the blame with a sociopath. It’s like sharing blame with the devil. Please pray for them. But, please don’t share their blame. These sociopaths are quick witted people without a soul, they are able to fool professionals.
To the other poster who says we should move on quickly:
If it were only so easy.
Sociopaths take away your every OUT. They make sure you are totally dependent on them. This is why it is hard to walk away from them. Where do you go when they CONTROL the finances, the car, your child, your friends, the neighbors, even the police. He’s got them all believing you are psycho.
The sociopath is sneaky. He takes a gradual path to make this happen. Cause it would be TOO obvious if he did it in a day. He systematically takes away every OUT. One by one. One day at a time. Week by week. Month by month. Year by year.
She notices that this is wrong. But, he argues her down telling her she is wrong. Her family and friends just say “get rid of him”. But, he seems so normal at times that she stays. He knows how to “explain away” the wrongs. (while he steals her money)
Then it gets to the point where the bank is threatening Foreclosure, the neighbors are threatening to chase them out, family is turning their back, friends are turning their back. The school teachers are questioning home stability.
She realizes this is a worse hell than she imagined, cause others are seeing it too.
She flees with the clothes on her back. Leaving behind the life she built to the sociopath to enjoy.
——————————-
I’m exhausted from writing this.
conomo
We’re all fucked up and doin the best we can…some beter than others…not a popular post…Im sure……..I wish I had the answer
ErinBrock
Jeanie:
Well written…..
I tell my kids…..Don’t EVER ‘own’ others behaviors…..
conomo
Jennie…don’t even share the blame!!!! You are so right…
leapblog
This post caught my eye and I created an account. Sorry to come out of the gate with guns drawn 🙂
charlottecreamer says:
“So-called sociopaths are people, too. They’re hurting even more than they hurt others; that’s why they do the horrible things they do. Only people who are hurting, hurt others. Before you “heal” yourselves, you need to recognize that the ones who hurt you also need to heal. And don’t you dare tell me that such people do not have a conscience or the capacity to heal; that’s a lie. You treat them like dirt, like they’re less than human, all the while carrying your victimhood around like a trophy.”
Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry at a post before. The difference is these people WERE hurt at some point in their life and the empathy and compassion switch turned off. They can not be healed, they do not want to be healed. They may still be “hurting” but certainly don’t realize it and choose to not care that they are and that they are hurting others.
I also do NOT carry my victimhood around like a trophy. I’ve been abused by my family and quite a few men, but I still have my empathy and compassion switch. Am I perfect? Nope, but I do learn from my mistakes and continue to learn on a daily basis. I choose to be nice and giving and caring, actually, it comes quite naturally for me. A little too naturally sometimes – which in turn has caused me problems but has helped me learn to see the red flags, be cautious, and finally, not cynical. I am a work in progress and proud of it!
I have stared in the eyes of my family members as they beat me in one breath and the next one said they loved me – all without a sorry or an I’m wrong, listening to them say, “what did you do to deserve it!” Where’s that switch? I’ve listened to men tell me they love me, promise me they will never hurt me, while they turn around and beat the crap out of me, or pull a gun on me and then expect me to still love them. Where was that switch? None of these people took responsibility for their actions.
con·science
”‚ ”‚/ˈkÉ’nʃəns/ Show Spelled[kon-shuhns] Show IPA
”“noun
1. the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one’s conduct or motives, impelling one toward right action: to follow the dictates of conscience.
2. the complex of ethical and moral principles that controls or inhibits the actions or thoughts of an individual.
3. an inhibiting sense of what is prudent: I’d eat another piece of pie but my conscience would bother me.
4. conscientiousness.
5. Obsolete. consciousness; self-knowledge.
6. Obsolete. strict and reverential observance.
—Idioms
7. have something on one’s conscience, to feel guilty about something, as an act that one considers wrong: She behaves as if she had something on her conscience.
My family has no conscience for what they did to me – no guilt, no remorse, no right or wrong. The one ex has no conscience for pulling the gun on me, no guilt, no remorse, no right or wrong. Another ex who beat me while pregnant (and my mother blamed me!) – no guilt, no remorse, no right or wrong.
Do I treat them like dirt? No, they are out of my life. I will not be a victim any longer. That trophy is getting dusty, I don’t need to play that card, thank you very much. I’m strong, I’m learning more, I’m growing and surrounding myself with positive, caring, compassionate people.
And passing on information… if it helps just one person… Yes, we all have to learn on our own, but knowledge is power.
conomo
How does charlotte hurt others???
ErinBrock
Leapblog:
WOW….YOU GO GIRL!!!
WELCOME to LF! Glad you found us here, and glad you decided to post……y0u have insight!
Your empowerment rings through.
You sound like a very strong woman.
It’s true knowledge is power……and power is our protector!
Own it girl……
take a look around, read the articles ……there are so many of us in this very position……
and WELCOME AGAIN!!!