If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
computer offline until a patch is created for the new and everlasting ‘digital protection’ virus, so only one trip to the library a day to catch up.
hens – i hope you broke his by accient nose. i mean, really.
got a great lil’ email message I have to share with you all:
women are angels
and when someone breaks our wings
we continue to fly
on a broom stick.
we’re flexible like that.
xo one step
LOVE< LOVE< LOVE IT. THANKS, ONE-STEP.
EB, I learned all about this at this time, last year. From April to June, I went through the most intense grief I have ever experienced. Both of my sons are devastated. One is a full-blown spath/psychopath, and the other was groomed by their spath father to be the perfect source target. I still wrestle with that grief, today, though it’s not as intense as it once was.
I can’t save anyone else but myself, and that was the harsh lesson that I had to learn.
Wow, lots of good information and opinions here…all valid.
Here’s my take on it:
Yes, people make choices. They are based on their emotions.
Socios are “sick” and messed up people. They go through life, with fear of rejection and of the world hurting them. They can’t handle much really…so all of their “hurtful” behaviors are originated in their “subconscious”, as is most of our behavior in general. They were born with their genetic disposition …and then they reacted to their environment from there. So, they “hate” themselves and are usually angry and hate others. All of the ones I know really don’t like who they are…are insecure and feel entitled to use and abuse people and discard them when they don’t need them.
Picture a three year old. He hits another child who takes his toy from him. He isn’t EVIL …his brain and social skills didn’t develop. Sociopaths have the brain chemistry of a three year old…the world revolves around them and they hurt others when they feel threatened.
I used to get mad at my cat becuase he would ‘use’ me to feed him and then leave when he felt like it.
These sociopaths are intelligent but EMOTIONALLY, they are like scared little children still. They are damaged goods. Yes, human…but damaged.
I had a little girl in my class..”angelman syndrome” She had a very low IQ, but was shrewd enought to put her foot out and trip people as they walked by. She took red gatorade and squeezed the bottle all over me in class and then laughed.
I used to say that it was “devilman syndrome”. Lol…
She was like a 2 yr old and always will be, unfortunately. She would bite,kick, spit, pinch really hard! Yes, she’s human but grunted like an animal when she got angry! She is “brain damaged”. I can’t hate her. I used to think that years ago they would say “the devil is in her” and do an exorcism on her!
But, modern science knows that he has a damaged brain.
This is how I look at sociopaths now. They have brain damage. In the social/emotional level.
Look at Aspergers syndrome. My daughter has it. I call it “Oops wrong planet syndrome” lol.. She is a genius …esp in Math, like Einstein and Bill Gates. But, as a child, before she could speak, she was so frustrated and overwhelmed in life..because of sensory issues….(noise bothered her, smells…etc…still do) so she would have “meltdowns” and scream and cry and hit and throw. Fortunately she has learned to adapt to life and is fine now…and well adjusted.
But, my point is that she was BORN that way…with her “temperament”. Had I stayed married , the xhusbsocio would have beat her up more and more as he was doing..and destroyed her. I managed her well, and she has adapted to life…still difficult for her…but she adapts well.
Socios are brain damaged. Thats why we KNOW something isn’t right …but they seem so ‘normal’. THey learned how to adapt to life by hurting, lying and using people to get what they want. No, they shouldn’t get away with it…and “not “be punished if they commit crimes because they do know right from wrong. But, they function out of a deep rooted need to control out of fear. THey are really stuck at 2-3 yrs old!!!
My mother, sister , exhusb, exb/f’s, were all the same. They were NEVER happy, couldn’t be alone (and have to face themselves) ..they used and abused people..they are selfish, and rationalize hurting others…(entitlement)…they are angry and go through life putting on a front when out there. Behind closed doors, family and close ones know who they really are.
My x was always telling everyone at work…”I’m not stressing in my life…nothing is going to cause ME stress…” Yet, he was the most nervous, stressed out, angry, paranoid person I ever met! It all showed in time!
We think that WE are messed up from THEM. Yes, we are shocked at their good acting skills…angry that they pulled the wool over our eyes for so long….anxious about ever meeting another one…and damaged TEMPORARILY in ways from dealing with them…but THEY are ALWAYS damaged and always will be.
I actually feel pity for them. They are victims of victims. BUT, NEVER again will I feel COMPASSION for any of them! Never again will I try to ‘make them happy’. NEVER again will I ever let one into MY world.
So, I can understand what Charlotte meant. If someone killed one of my children (GOD FORBID)….they would have to be MENTALLY SICK to do that! I would despise them, hate them and be unable to forgive them. But, I would also say that they can’t be NORMAL to be a killer…they have to be DAMAGED badly…from something. Normal people can’t hurt and don’t kill.
There are actually people who forgive others who kill their family members! I don’t know how…but they do. I guess they understand that they ARE sick to do that.
So, this is how I look at it. I got rid of damaged people. My life is SO much better without them. No more abuse, confusion, heartache…for me.
I joined a gym today and I’m on a mission to lose a ton of weight and get into shape.This whole experience (nightmare) with the recent xbf has helped me to self actualize. I finally like myself and I’m finally going to take care of myself and I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been.
Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to jolt us into finding our way back to the TOP. Thats where I’m aiming for…Feeling great about who I am.
Since I got rid of the “satans” in my life..I have brought in such good people and I feel so much better.
And I told the manager of the gym this morning..”today is the first day of the rest of my NEW life”.
Whatever it takes….I’m doing it.
hi kim! great, huh. man, i thnk it should be on a lf t shirt. in fact i may post it on other threads in the ‘8 minutes’ i have left online. LOL
about the wrist/hand warmers – i know flames are crazy difficult. if you are into knitting them a stripe would be quite lovely. i just got carried away with my love of flames and imagining them. 🙂
One-step, I wish I was good enough to fair-isle knit a witch on a broom-stick….but then you’d only wear them at Halloween. Maybe I will be able to knit you a simple pair, but right now, I think I need to get serious about finding a job.
Sorry your computer is down with a virus. I wish hot tea would help, cause that’s about all I know to do for a virus. 🙂
kim – haha, if i pour hot tea over my CPU it will def. kill the virus!
i know that finidng a job is complex – we stumble through so much of what keeps us down to get to a new job. my very best to you in your search kim!
2B:
WOW…..is this the same girl who showed up here recently….I THINK NOT!
You have done so much growing and learning…..you sound so very strong!!!
You should be VERY proud of yourself!!!!
Keep on keepen on!!!
XXOO
EB
I agree with Charlotte that forgiveness and prayer are good. Other than that…huh?
Yes, I did make choices, and I am living with the consequences of those choices everyday. But, those choices were manipulated through LIES that were spoon fed to me! (Brainwashing?) So, I really believe that many of my choices were actually made by him. He made me feel guilty whenever I questioned his lies. He convinced me to question myself. He knew everything…he knew what was best for me and my situation.
He sold me a bill of goods based upon what I had told him that I wanted. I TRUSTED that he was a “normal”, honest, caring person who wouldn’t deliberately do anything to harm me. I am responsible for allowing myself to be manipulated.
1-Do I feel sorry for him?…you bet, he sadly lacks the ability to love anyone other than himself.
2-Is his condition my responsibility?…NO, he arrived that way.
3-Can he still make me feel guilty…nope, I assume everything he says is a lie unless the facts prove otherwise (reverse of how I was). There’s usually 5% truth in most things he says.
4-Have I ever seem a glimmer of regret from him…only regarding what others might have done to him. Other people or circumstances are always responsible for his behavior, so he never apologizes for anything he does to deliberately or even accidentally hurt others…instead, he feels smug and justified.
5 -Can or will he change…why…he thinks he’s perfect.
I lost the ability to TRUST and now question everything…not sure if that’s good, but it’s probably better than believing everything at face value.
As TOBEHAPPY mentioned, I now rely upon my Inner Guidance System (my GPS) to make sure that my choices are actually MY CHOICES!
By the way, he has 9 of the mentioned traits.
.
Imconfused, the trust issues will iron themselves out – we just tend to require that people EARN our trust, rather than give it, freely.