If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
ErinBrock:
Thank you for the encouragement. It was YOU and others on here that “tucked me in to sleep” the night of Feb.27th, when I was having a major meltdown! If you recall..I sobbed loudly for hours and then wanted to go for a ride late at night so that my girls wouldn’t see me cry. I was never so upset in my entire life! And, YOU guys on here responded to my posts and convinced me to stay home and try to rest. I listened…didn’t feel alone…and fell asleep in my bed, with my laptop on top of me! THANK YOU so much again for your support that night!
I was a mess. I hit rock bottom.
In the last month and a half…I spent every waking minute helping myself. I decided that the dishes could sit in the sink..the clothes could stay in baskets …and the girls could eat “bogus” meals….easy stuff like pasta, oven pizzas..etc..lol
We survived.
I spent all day reading and journalling and posting on here. I took ALL of the recommendations …books..vitamins…and listened and took action. I had three reasons to overcome my shock and devastation…my 3 girls!..
It worked. I validated that he IS a textbook sociopath.
Then I read about ME. I did alot of “inner child” healing.
Then I read about HOW to get inner peace.
I read “The Power of Now” and started doing Louise Hay work with “loving myself” and positive affirmations.
Slowly but surely…the panic attacks subsided.
The FEAR went away. I got my strength back.
I stopped thinking about it the way I was. I came to the conclusion that YES…I was a victim of my Sociomom…sister and xhusb and LASTLY…my recent xbf.
But, I didn’t want to stay in the victim menatality…I decided that I am a victim that SURVIVED.
And I did. I’m still here…I am NOT broken…I am the same person I was before I met this last b/f…only now I AM STRONGER and WISER!!!!
So…I moved on…decided its time to be the best I can be in my life.
Yes, I think of him at times…when triggered…but it doesn’t HURT to think of him anymore. I can talk about him without feeling anger or hurt or resentment…because I now KNOW what he is……….disordered and evil.
This morning I heard on the radio “friends with benefits”. It was a trigger because its what I asked him a few weeks after beginning our relationship…if we were that. I was confused.
He of course told me that we were “way more than that”. But, all along, I didn’t feel that we had a committed , monogomous, honest relationship. I knew he was hiding another side to him and eventually caught those lies.
So, I got a terrible feeling from this trigger and I said, “2b, it wasn’t TRUE love or he would be here with you”. Period ..the end…and thank God I ended it and stopped wasting my time with someone who lies.
I felt better when I talked to myself about it. It was the fact that HE was the one who was telling me a zillion times that he loved me and wanted to marry me. Thats the part that I could feel betrayed and angry about.
But, I don’t . He isn’t capable of loving or bonding…so its HIS loss. I lost nothing. He lost a woman who was his best friend and lover. I lost a little lost child who will never be able to have a true relationship with anyone..and will go on his whole life…lying and using people. I lost a damaged disordered person. I deserve better than that.
Then, after analyzing my initial thought that caused my reaction…my feelings changed and I refocused about my new mission….the gym…getting in shape..and new goals and things I plan to do in my life.
So…this is how I got out of my “funk” . I couldn’t afford to grieve and get depressed. My kids deserve a happy mom.
I now envision all good things coming. I don’t think negative.
Where energy goes…energy flows..
I’m reading The Power of Intention now. More good stuff.
Can’t wait to take yoga and tai chi and can’t wait to be thin again and feel better!
Its all good….if we can learn to really feel valuable and worthy.
Imconfused:
Agree with Hens….#3….
I still say…..when peeps seemed surprised I have NO CONTACT at all , even about kids….with spath…peeps say….Well can’t you just talk?
I say……If I could trust even a fraction of what came out of his mouth….we’d still be married!
So….what’s the point!
Good points!!!!
2B:
I do remember……and YOU ARE A REMARKABLE WOMAN!!!!!
Thank you ErinBrock…..back atcha!
To repair my low self esteem after the whole deal…I made a COMMITMENT to myself…..to rebuild and feel good about myself again.
Everything I am doing is to attain THAT goal.
I feel so much “Healthier” now than when I met him.
If I felt this way back then…2yrs ago…I NEVER would have even accepted a date from him!!!! No less…let him rush me into bed! OMG….I am SO MUCH stronger now!
The next man is going to be a HEALTHY person. And, I will know it in the first five minutes!
TTYL…HUGS
Dear Henry ,
Your posts reflect someone who has moved on and let go. You describe how I would described my position on it. Pretty much Im a changed person, but myself again.
I will always have moments, or small triggers – but I can finally say Ive stopped having any love for him or hope for him. I just have hope that one day his illness stops affecting people born into this world and the people whose pathes they cross.
We started this journey together (around the same time)… weve shared our ups and downs along the way (and some great jokes too 🙂 …Im happy we have found goodness in life again Henry and Im glad you are here sharing your wisdom experiences and challenges along the way. xo
tobe-you are so awesome girl. I am so incredibly proud of you!
Thank you Erin1972!
Henry & Learning (and everyone else),
I think that being in love with a sociopath is like being in love with the tooth fairy. You (and I) were in love with fictional characters.
They cast us as supporting actors in their horror movie. We were excited to be chosen to be in the movie too. Their academy award performances drew us in. But they were just playing acting parts…kind of like James Bond.
We need to realize that they never existed and never will. We need to stop our yearning for lost lovers that were merely hot (and very stinky) air!
Tobehappy, I’m so glad that the survivors on this site helped you through your meltdown.
You sound very positive and it’s a beautiful thing.
Good evening, all. It’s been a long while since my last post & over year and a half since my experience with my ex sociopath. It’s hard to say If I’ve gotten past anything. It’s been a challenge.
My ex’s mother passed away Friday April 9th from cancer. Her sisters told me as did her cousin. Her cousin said my ex was over her mothers illness 2 months ago and called her ‘cold’. She, oddly enough, had a list of the pallbearers that, also oddly enough, didn’t include me. Forget the facts that I was a friend of the family for over 10 years, am her 6 year old nephews Godfather & been like an uncle/father figure to he and his sister. The 8th pallbearer was some character who bailed her out of going to jail almost 2 years ago (I wrote a post on that about a year or so ago about her stealing over $10,000 from a previous employer and this guy forked over the cash to keep her out of jail. Some of us refer to him as ‘The Pimp’ due to my ex having some active interests in escort services. I’m under the impression this guy is getting paid back by ‘other’ means and not cash. I have no idea if her husband knows what happened or what, but boy would I love to spill the beans and watch the fireworks go off.)
I expressed my anger and frustration to the father, both sisters and the middle sisters fiance. I felt like her needs and wants were more important than the bigger picture and accused them of, once again, catering to her best interests while ignoring mine. I hated to heap more stress onto an allready grieving family but I wanteds to let it be known I was upset that I wasn’t permitted to pay my respects in the way I felt was proper while the son in law who’s not even knownthe family for a 1/4 of the amount of time I have was invited and some other yokel was, too.
I fired off an angry e-mail to the middle daughter letting her know her sociopath sister got the upper hand on me again and was tired of being hailed as some wonderful guy for being there for the kids, being a like a son and like a brother and then when it came time to express those feelings, the family caved in to my ex. I’m extremely upset and pissed that I’ve not tried to contact her (she’s tried numerous times thru Facebook and I’ve ignored tham all) and she still finds a way to flip me the middle finger.
Honestly, it’s getting to the point where I’m sick and tired of taking the high road. I cannot wait for Karma to sck her straight between the eyes with a heaping does of payback. Oh man, you folks have no idea how bad I want it. I’d love to do it myself but I won’t.