If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
No, no no…..
It will all turn out the way it should…….so don’t YOU worry about any of it!!!!
Life has a way of kicking back what peeps dish!
Even though you feel ‘jilted’…..everything happens for a reason.
TRUST me on this……
Things that don’t make sense to us at the time, have a way of revealing themselves at some point….
Really…..Over the past 3 years….this has been PROVEN to me over and over and over.
My Gf’s now say…..We know eb……there is a reason, so we won’t stress……and then at some point they figure it out and they are confirmed with this aswell……
Go easy, remain strong and don’t react out of anger.
NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT!!!!!
Loose lips sink ships.
Be patient……….
XXOO
EB
Oh, Plowman, I’m so sorry for your loss. Spaths love to use the most painful events to drive home their stakes of control through our hearts, if we allow them to. When a loved one passes, it seems that they take even greater pleasure in the damage that they inflict.
When my folks passed, the spath ex refused to “allow” either of our sons to attend their respective funerals. Dad passed in 1998, mom in 2003. When my mom passed, the excuse was (and, I quote), “(youngest son) …is too fragile to deal with that.” And, yet, the same “fragile” child could play graphic zombie videos all day and watch “Faces of Death” on the DVD player.
Don’t give the spath the control, Plowman, and getting into their games won’t change things, one iota. If you’r’e feeling angry, it’s allowed! Express that anger here, and turn it into a constructive energy. Yard work, cutting wood, something that provides a physical outlet as well as a sense of accomplishment. Spring cleaning (ew, I’m allergic to housework)!
Hang in there, Plowman, and don’t give the spath control. Postive thoughts and prayers for you and the rest of your family.
Plowman, it does hurt even long after the end of the relationship and yes when you are dealing with normal people paying your respects is something expected.
But when there is a S in your path keep your head up and keep on that high road!
It is soooo hard not to vent your frustrations with anger when they deliberatley play with our emotions but dont get in the way of the universe sorting them out, it will only make things worse for you.
Remember you cant put out fire with gasoline!
Trust in the universe and Karma, I know it doesnt come quick enough or feel as strong enough for what you have suffered but it does happen.
I recieved word yesterday that my ex husband S had been involved in a boating accident.. He was thrown from the ski boat doing 70mph in trianing. Suffered a broken arm, leg and other injuries including many stiches. I hate to admit it but I had the best day yesterday, I felt such joy knowing he is lying out there somewhere in pain and will be out of work for weeks with no income. Oh his poor girlfriend, it will put a lot of pressure on there relationship I just know it!
I dont have to worry about him being out of work, he is not my problem anymore and he has never paid child support anyway, I just hope it hurts real bad for him!
Stay strong, keep your dignity, you will get past this! Maybe pay your respects after the funeral. All the best & my condolences
Actually I think the saying is ” You shouldn’t throw gasoline at fire” but you know what I mean….
No It’s “Dont put out fire with Gasoline” God I am too tired, must go to bed! 🙂
Hi. I am scared to death. I am in the mist of this. Part of my brain is still screaming he is not. I have been reading here for at least a month and had the urge to jump in.
One comment I can make that was screaming at me to post is my uncle caused my very loving aunt to kill herself. We all loved her so much. It took me 22 years to see what that man was, and understand the pain which caused her to leave us.
I think Charlotte is very young. That would have been my language 22 years ago if I would have been fortunate enough to have escaped.
I have my own story with my own p but I don’t want to post it just yet. )-:
Imconfused —
You totally have it right!
I am not yearning for him anymore. I worked on myself and have learned alot about him (his unhealthy choices/ways). Ive come to believe he was not a full-fledged sociopath – but a bad toxic person for me.
Once the relationship became romantic – he had no interest or capability for that matter to choose to be committed, honest, respectful. It was my first experience with someone like him. And hopefully my last.
I no longer am in-love with him or the idea of him. I have a place in my heart – a place all my own that once loved HIM – (or the fake him, and yes for all the wrong reasons, but nonetheless I experienced a love for him – I have chosen to give that recognition and then let the dust settle forever) – its where I am in my healing process – (I did not experience physical violence or threats or some of the horrific absoluely horrible levels of deceit and god awful experiences with a true Sociopath that some of us here have – perhaps if I did I would not be able to forgive as I moved on and make as peaceful amends with inner self as Im finding I can)….
My ex is unhealthy, broken, not well when it comes to relationships and being serious and honest and trusting and respectful – HE SUCKED. Not healthy when it comes to responsibility – jobs, friends, family. He was not the one for me nor someone I shouldve gotten involved with. But his truth did not come to the surface or to my sight until the relationship began to get serious and reality set in.
They exist – they just are phony, deceitful, fake, unhealthy, unable to give respect/love and dont belong in our lives. What I had with him was a fantasy. I live in the reality of it all now. Several years later – my choices are so much different now that I have the knowledge and tools to protect myself and really know my self-worth and what to never again accept or go along with another.
And I just have to keep moving forward because life can and does get better the more self-aware you are and the more you wish to learn about yourself and others!!!! It does get better without them – when you finally let go!!
J-
I think we all understand how terrible it is to come in for a landing on this information.
If you are frightened, get an ally, a counselor or somebody to help you do the right thing if there is a reason to protect yourself from harm whether its finding a safe place to be or calling 911.
Over and over we learn that these relationships drill back to family history and the realizations come hard. Its painful to accept the knowleedge and understanding whcih can in fact set us free.
Keep reading, keep posting. Breathe deeply and know,
We’ll be right here.
Dear Justus,
Welcome to LF, I’m glad you are here and reading, and I suggest that you keep on reading, read EVERY article in the archives all the way back kto the earliest! The knowledge that you will gain is intellectuall at this point, but eventually it will become emotional as well. I wouldn’t want anyone to NEED to come here and “Join our club” but if you qualify for “membershipo” and it sounds like you do, then you have come to the RIGHT PLACE for support as you heal. Stick around. Again, welcome! God bless.
Dear Justus –
Its very normal for part of our brain to scream “he is not” — its when we can take a deep breath and begin to focus and trust the part of our brain that says “he is, or maybe he is” — its scary, its hurtful, its shocking, but once we are willing to grasp that part of our thoughts and TRUST that part of what we are thinking/considering – it gets easier to go there… to break it down…to face the reality. So many times when I was in the relationship I thought ” he is not this, noway is he ” – but that was just my denial and wanting to believe he was a good person.
Im glad you found LF. I hope some of the articles and posters will enlighten and help you the way they have so many. Im sorry you are in a frightening place right now – it is totally very scary — but as Silvermoon said with knowledge and understanding you will be able to get through it. Take care of you!!