If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
IMconfused
Jeannie812,
You’re right, they slowly convince us that they know what is best for our situations and gain our trust…and we speak with praise about them to anyone who will listen.
As we slowly start to notice the truth, we might begin to say and do crazy things that ultimately aid his cause to make us look like psychos.
Please, everyone, stop to think about your actions! Don’t allow yourselves to get so angry that you need to warn everyone around about this evil person. Your warnings WILL make you look crazy to anyone who hasn’t experienced (or acknowledged) being in this kind of “relationship”.
Act like Christopher Robbin and the sky will be falling…all around you. People will begin to believe that he’s a saint to put up with someone like you. They will be convinced that he’s “normal” and you’re the psycho!
The P is a made up character. He has lied and likely told different stories about himself to EVERYONE willing to listen. Who is going to believe that the person who helps little old ladies cross the street, has raised millions for charities, etc…could be the person you’ve described?
behind_blue_eyes
learning;
I forgot one other thing, let’s call it “contact consistency.” I meet Jamie. While he is in New York, I see him every night and we exchange many text messages. He goes back to England and I don’t hear from in for two days, then get bombarded by text messages and emails. He goes on flight to what I consider a dangerous third-world city and again I don’t hear from him for several days. I expressed my concern to Jamie and his “excuse” was that first the flight was long and that he only had a short layover. His other excuse was more telling. When he returned home, he had many emails and since I was important to him, he didn’t want to send me a quick response and took his time to think of what he was going to tell me.
To this day, I cannot believe I fell for that one. In reality, my guess is that he comes back home and spends time online. Discouraged, he then turns to me…
People who are really interested in you are consistent in their contact with you and don’t disappear without a valid reason.
IMconfused
Behind_Blue_Eyes
SPOT ON!
My P’s disappearing acts were the initial clues that drove me nuts! He always had reasons, no matter how lame…so I learned to question my doubts.
His answers to my questions were either unverifiable or more likely told in such a way that I probably would Not check his alibi out. He indicated that none of the people he knew would ever be willing to tell me the truth, because they thought I was nuts.
He’d often tell me hurtful things like “” So-and-so can’t stand you”, or… “someone else hates you and thinks you’re really stupid”, etc…”But, you need to know that if you confront that person, that person told me that he’ll deny ever having said that about you.”… “But I don;t care what anyone else thinks, I love you and that’s what counts to me.” (That’s not love. That’s about gaining control over me and my thoughts.)
I have always needed to provide him with solid proof that I had caught him in a lie. If he could somehow destroy my evidence…then he’d say I had no proof…that I was making things up…that I was crazy.
With hard proof he’d alter history and say that I didn’t remember what was actually said. blah…blah!
One thing my P is definitely afraid of is solid, written proof! He has gone through my stuff many times and stolen his hand written notes, bills, etc. so that I would be unable to show proof to anyone else. A safety deposit box has solved that dilemma! Now he’s getting concerned that I just might have enough solid evidence to expose his lies.
The truth (keeping proof of it, anyway) shall set me free…and maybe make him a little concerned!
learning
Behindblueeyes –
I would call my ex Houdini!! I would be light and joke about it so as to not put pressure on him… (DUMB DUH ME)
Disappearing is a HUGE, HUGE RED FLAG!!!!!!!! Anything disrespectful or anything you feel you wouldnt do to another but they do to you — Red Flag — kick em to the curb on the spot!!!!!!!
Imconfused – WOW!! YES!!!
Can you prove it?? What proof do you have? I heard those words over and over again!!! And if I had proof – he would find a way to twist it, turn it or say “yeah, well so what”… If you have to question ” Hey what happened to you, where’d you go? OR Hey why do you have a change of clothes in the back seat of your car?? OR anytime you have to question things that make no sense — kick em to the curb — cuz the answers will make no sense — and all you have to do is use your common sense!!!!! DUH MEEEEEEE 🙂 (BACK THEN 🙂
behind_blue_eyes
learning;
Even when I made an attempt around New Year’s to mend things and move on as friends, Jamie took days getting back to me. Another lame excuse about too many emails and being tired and such…
Funny, how I remember him telling me the reason why he broke of his previous relationship was because the guy could not find time for him…
Buttons
You know, you all relate your experiences with such candor, and it really, REALLY helps to know the things that opened the doors – for all of us. Even though each of us has an independent experience, the similarities are nearly identical with our spaths. Men, women, “friends,” spouses, Sig.Other, children, etc….they all play nearly identical games. It’s just incredible.
Ox Drover
Dear Buttons,
Somewhere there is a book it is called the “Psychopath’s Play Book” sort of like a foot ball coach’s play book, and in it it tells every way to get “out” of a lie, and how to convince people you are a victim, and so on. They all get a copy of this when they join the “psychopathic players Union” and they play by this book. Of course some are more “hard core” than others but the Plays are all alike—if you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all! LOL
And you are right, it doesn’t matter what ROLE they play, they are all still going by the same play book.
Buttons
One of my former professors has had terrible experiences with NPD/spath men, and she actually found sites in the interwebs that detail how to bait, lure, and gut source targets. What the (*&$%*??? And, she was RIGHT!
Here we are, gathering together using technology to help us sort all of this madness out, and THEY are out there sharing THEIR favorite techniques……..holy cow.
hens
justus5 Welcome to LF and buttons is right about the tears being cleansing..one of my favorite sayings from LF is THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE BUT FIRST IT WILL PISS YOU OFF.
hens
Buttons The internet and the cell phone are a socio’s best friend. They can get laid in a matter of minutes. I think the world is doomed because of technology, yeah call me a dinosaur but I would never trust a man with a cell phone ever again…Att’s standard ringtone makes my skin crawl and triggers alot of crapola for me….