If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Henry…..bless your heart. I just can’t fathom how people conduct “normal” relationships by texting.
Speaking of triggers, I have a VERY difficult time managing triggers. Any suggestions?
Have a blessed night, everyone. I’ve just been visited by the Sleepy Fairy. Thank you all for the good energy.
Buttons destroy every trigger you can..eventually the triggers are less and less, but for me that one certain ringtone is forever a nasty noise…
Or you just desensitize by facing the triggers and getting over it.
I used to train dog how not to bark at the fron door by hiring kids to ring the doorbell every 3 minutes until the dog got tired of the whole thing.
At some point, and we can make the decision anytime, we have to say enough of that. It takes more the first few times, but its doable. People are harder than dogs or horses, but we can overcome stuff.
I think part of it is that we allow ourselves the emotional response because its a way of preserving the dream. While I was still dreaming, I would go to Wllmart and there was this one spot where a sweet little moment had occured and it would double me over with tears and fears and awash with all the feelings about losing love, losing MY love.
I was still bargaining for him with myself and with God then. Still thinking about whether there could be that dreamy happy ending wherein he could be the man I believed in and not the monster I have come to discover.
Triggers can be desensitized as we let go of some of the attachment and some of the hyper alertness. There was a great article talking about what we do in the early phases to be hyper- I was there! 4 pots of coffe a day, strung out, not sleeping not doing a whole lot else.
Well, things are changing gradually and my days are becoming full of other things and other poeple and different focus. It gets better.
I can even listen to the song we used to dance to and sing together and no breakdown. These things pass.
Over and over again I find wisdom and peace in Kathy Hawk’s article on wounded innocence. I think its really almost all there.
I think the triggers are ours and that once we begin to make diferent decisions about who we are, we move past them.
Maybe?
Justus5,
My heart goes out to you, sensing that you’re in a tough place. I will have been married 15 years next month, separated since September 2009. For the past two years, I have not celebrated my anniversary, telling my husband that we had nothing to celebrate (this is while we were still together). He said nothing. My life has been marked by his craziness. I stayed for various reasons, mainly thinking that he was normal, always trying to explain his behavior to myself, but finally concluding (in the end) that there was something fundamentally wrong with him. It’s been a journey that has been extremely difficult, a hard road to walk. Know that you are not alone. May God put His arms around you, squeezing you tight.
Hey Everyone….
I realized today..(at the gym, on the treadmill! lol) that by getting involved with my LAST sociopath was probably the best “preparation” for my next relationship. I believe that once I am done bettering myself…losing the excess weight..getting my self esteem back…that I will finally meet the love of my life. And, this time…I will bring a healthy man into my life..because of what I learned with this last ordeal.
When I divorced my xhusb sociopath, I really didn’t “heal”.I accepted that he was “disordered” and moved on…but I didn’t build my confidence up and so I was just as lonely and vulnerable…7 years later…as when I met and dealt with my xhusb.
This time, I learned my lesson. They say that you will make the same mistakes over and over until you learn. Thats life.
Well, I definitely learned this time around! Thank God for computers. As bad as they can be…they are good. When we broke up last summer, I started googling about “betrayal and how to get over it..” and somehow I found LF. But, I was in denial and went back to him. I should have posted my story and I would have been made aware of what he is..and never looked back.
Well, as I said, getting involved with my last xsocio was painful, but it taught me SO much. It made me spend alot of time alone, looking deep within myself and I finally found who I am and I now look at life totally different.
No more lack of self confidence…no more allowing ANYONE to use me and abuse me…no more FEAR of abandonment…because I now have ME.
I finally got rid of my sister sociopath, and the x…and my life is so much better. I am being true to MYSELF. I don’t like them, I don’t want them in my life using me anymore…I don’t NEED them….and I am happier alone.
I’m finally venturing out into the world…went to the gym today…met so many nice people..had fun, …took care of MYSELF…and saw that there are so many people out there…and that I can CHOOSE who I talk to or let into my life now…and KNOW that its the right choice. I am cautious, keep people at arms length and listen to my gut feelings.
So, isolating and working on myself alone for a time, has paid off. I finally felt like I was ready to get integrated into the real world again. And, I feel good and positive and I know that the next man I let into my world…will be SO different than the ones I let in before this “experience” with the LAST socio.
I am strong now. I see right through people and I noticed that people respect me and see my confidence and wont mess with me. I am different now..and I love it. I am much happier.
I always tell my girls…’out of anything bad…something good comes from it”
The good is that I now love and trust myself and look back at my relationship that I just ended and who I was when I was with him….a weak, unconfident, vulnerable, fearful person.
That person is gone forever…It was a phase of my life…that was painful..but I learned so much from it. Its over, its past..its dead and gone…and whenever I get a thought of it…it seems just like a bad dream….and now …I woke up.
Reality is so much better than the fantasy I was living.
Practicing “mindfulness”…It works!
Silver,
I hope you are doing well today. I read your post to me after my angry rant yesterday. Thank you.
You know when you were talking about training dogs it reminded me of something. We can learn so much from animals if we let ourselves be open to that.
We “humans” supposedly are the “brains” behind the operation of training a dog….But if dogs could train us…What would they teach us?
If a dog could train us rather than the other way around I would like to think they would teach us humans to TRUST our instincts. Our gut feelings.
Dogs always follow their instinct as do most animals.
You don’t see a dog questioning his instinct, he just acts on it.
You have to wonder if in general people paid more attention to their gut feelings/instincts, and we learned to trust ourselves where this is concerned, and not second guess, or question it, or explain it away to ourselves…….I wonder how the world might be different?
I must need to get out more to ponder such things! Lol…
Exercise is a great stress reliever…SAY ‘YES’ TO ENDORPHINS!! 🙂
bluejay, thank you, and as I said to Buttons, it is nice to know I am not the only “fool” out there. But with Buttons input, I am changing I am not the only fool into not the only one that has been fooled for so long.
I posted earlier that I was going to go put in applications. And I did, I did it. I know this is so off topic but it was a baby step and I feel good.
Imconfused, yes, I understand the solid proof thing, only mine taught me not to present it by becoming angry if I did. Usually he would become really angry with me if he did something wrong and what he did/does wrong is never addressed. Most of the time I wouldn’t even catch it that he had done something wrong, I was to busy defending my self. I call it his magic tricks.
Bluejay,
I think God is definetly hugging me with all the words of you wonderful people here. Today I was strong. I hope tomorrow, too.