If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Here Here Tami!
I will never forgive my ex husband S. It was not like he made a mistake or I misunderstood his actions. What he did was total disregard of me as a person day after day, year after year.. looking back I only ever knew about 20% of what he was really up to even tho I thought I was his world.
When I said I couldn’t take no more he completely abandond our daughter(thank God) Stole $60 k from his next girlfirend and has now moved 100 km away to be with his next victum. I was scorned and jilted for so long as I loved him so much and couldn’t believe all I and our daughter ment to him in the end was as much as his discarded coke can especially considering before we left he had to know where I was every second of the day… I didn’t understand, but I do now 😐
When I read lists like Frank Lee‘s above posted on Tuesday, 13 April 2010 @....... 6:55am,
I do of course recognise the familiar S traits. Some of which have been projected onto me (for instance the “getting into wills” sets off a reaction, as I now have a reputation of trying to amend my elderly parents wills. A story manufactured by my sister S & neighbour S, who have influenced my entire family by cunning traps to make it look like I am meddling with my elderly parents’ wills (whom I care for fulltime). It all started however by the neighbour S (who’s had around 65 years of exacting her abusive manipulative disorder to remarkable perfection). She’s the talker, my S sister is the do-er.
However one or two of those traits apply to me in vague blurry form.
24. Becomes Obsessed with Hobby or Causes/Individuals and then Loses Interest Instantly
2. Severe Migraines (now gone via exercise, which is a great PTSD medicine; even just brisk walking)
14. History of Brief Relationships
15. Moving from State to State or Region Under Suspicious or Vague Circumstances
33. Middle Aged Student
I hope people realise that as a target for my sister for over 30 years, my esteem has been affected directly by the silent abuse that continues. She’ll turn 40 this year, the poor girl inside her 40 yo body can’t switch off her personas; she is becoming more like the neighbour who is twice her age, only wrinkles and hair colour separate them. The neighbour is a useful insight into how my sister will be at her age. I was instrinsically aware how much her sexualised comments and childhood sexual abuse to me will have affected my relationships, and I’ve had two breakdowns at critical times in my life (PTSD) when I should have been creating a career and getting my foot on the career ladder. So unfortunately I am that middle-aged student, with no relationship, though I haven’t moved from region to region under the same pretense as S’s, but I did leave a great place after many years in fact to protect my elderly parents from the two S’s who exploit and harrass them spectacularly. (The short story is that when I called them on their harrassment, fireworks, PTSD, slander and a highly negative reputation grew arms and legs; their behaviour quickly dissolved and nobody cares about elder parents harrassment, just the manufactured lies because S’s are way more convincing – this continues to live 5 years later via sister’s snippy remarks. This then alienated me from my family – the CRUX of the S’s existence – separate you from everyone, leaving you eventually alone and isolated whilst the S’s are surrounded by apologists and their deceived audience)..
The biggest pain is that the family who knew this intensely quiet little voiceless girl for decades now thinks of me as a monster, abuser, bully and financial meddler. Hey, that sounds exactly like my S’s!! (!)
There is nothing more beautiful than the rule that you should NEVER EVER shed the slightest hint that you are aware of their disorder. Since I was 7, I have analysed and been aware that my sister is quite unlike anyone else. She is the product of my narcissistic father, though there’s 5 other children, and none of us display the S traits or by now I’d have been targetted. So long as the S’s do not know you are analsying their behaviour from your beautiful standpoint; they will continue to abuse you as if you are dumb and voiceless. By the time you understand Personality Disorders; you see theirs glaringly exposed to you, but they don’t know it. So you are deceiving them right back at them. It then becomes fascinating to watch, and truly understand it’s a lifetime act that must be maintained. Lying to get anywhere in life.
There are 3 groups of peopel in this world (to me): S’s, 6 billion people, the people who know the S’s. That last group is the most damaging. It is what they know (care of S’s) that they follow on. However 6 billion people who don’t abuse you? They’re great! I get my highs and my love and my identity from them.
Do NOT expose them unless you are in a very advantageous position (safe and away from them).
I’m rarely on here, but when I do, the initial point of my post becomes another then another.. but I hope you understand that being abused can also cause targets to have a hard time getting their lives on a firm footing, hence ‘middle aged student; unsettled relations’
Wishing you all a lovely weekend.
I tried to proofread/edit my above post, but it froze.
Re: triggers – fired uup with loads of energy and creative ideas, sadly a silent stalker on my blog repeatedly clicks on the same posts on my blog. They leave highly specific terms (that reeks of neighbour S and sister S). I had to take my name off.
Last year I realised the sickening legacy of S’s is that revealing my name online or they know where I am exposes me to their abuse. I had no problems, nothing to be wary of for weeks. Then I put myname on, and alas the strange search terms appeared. Really specific search terms. Iknow for a fact neighbour S has dome publishing under an alias. My S sister said this years ago, and it stuck in my head for the fact 1) she is online, 2) uses an alias – I thought this alias thing was so her.
Cyber abuse is a brilliant new platform for them. Unless of course you have installed an invisible tracker and have helpful support confirming their specific search terms via email.
Sadly my wonderful creative venture quickly lost its energy therafter. But I’ve found a new platform where no real name will be published. And nothing that connects it with the current one online.
How do people think about me exposing them online via screenshots and a link or two to read (about personality disorders)? Or should I remain totally silent and watch them?
sadly they know i’ve noticed them as I removed a category containign posts they kept clicking on. (when I did that they then started repeatedly clicking on another specific post with a tittle that reflects how they feel about me).
if it is an anonymous peroson I dont know, then they are so wrapped up in me (why me??). If it is someone who does know me (from my name), they sound so familiar, and will understandably have me in their sights with a pre existing agenda.
For me, all of the personal insight about triggers has something valuable for me to consider. Whenever I see one of those advertsiements for Army recruitment, I experience a multitude of conflicting responses – anger, shame, intense sorrow, etc….and, I’m going to put things into practice that I’m reading here.
Outlier, they will expose themselves on some level, but being vigilant and removing things that “smell” suspect is a good decision. You are spot-on about the anonymity of the interwebs – what a perfect trolling ground for spaths!
Even the social sites are playgrounds – my recent severance with the former “friend” is generating a great deal of “fishing” comments from “mutual” friends. I make the choice to either not answer, or not mention the spath, at all. The most recent one was yesterday after a “harrowing” ER visit to the veterinarian after the dog had allegedly been attacked by a bear! All of these frantic posts about this dog’s injuries, etc., and out of the blue, the mother writes, “…we started the front deck today. Great place for us to do the corn. LOL” this was a baited reference to a former activity where the mother and I would shuck and prepare a few bushels of corn to freeze for the winter. I told her, point-BLANK, that I would not step onto her property as long as her spath daughter was in residence over a week ago. She whined, “But, how will we do corn, this year?” I refused to even comment or acknowledge this remark. It was so incongruous that this dog (which replaces a child for the spath and family) is taking up so much time with these “horrific” injuries, yet someone “started” building a deck in between posts, please for pity, and apparent trips to the vet’s.
I’m catching on, fellow survivors! SLowly, but surely, I’m catching on! And, YOUR posts are helping me more than I can say. I’m recognizing patterns, calling them for what they are, and actually managing myself so much better since joining this site.
Brightest BLESSINGS, everyone!!!!!!!!!!! And, thank you all!!!
Justus5,
I wish you well with your job search, also needing to get out there and possibly get a second job. What you said about your husband doing things that are/were wrong and the misdeeds never be addressed, same thing still happens with me. I get worn out by the things that my husband pulls. When I would call my husband on something, he would be quiet, never, ever admitting to doing anything wrong. It is like pulling teeth with him. You’d have the evidence and still he would just keep quiet, not saying anything, never disclosing his actions. My husband repeatedly lies, driving me bonkers because all I want is just a simple answer, the truth to a question, but no way, they have to make answering questions complicated. My husband is always doing something that’s wrong. I am still trying to figure out how to detach and not live with dread of the future.
{{{{{Bluejay}}}}} it will come down to this: how do you want to live? How much are you willing to accept? He will never, ever, EVER own his mistakes, even when you have him dead to rights. You will never hear a simple answer, either. “Yes, I did that and I made a mistake,” is a phrase that does not exist in the speech patterns of spaths.
You’ll sort it all out, and the “dread” is another of the bananas that feeds the spath monkey. We’ve been programmed to dread because we’re so completely off-balance and unsure of ourselves. Baby steps, Bluejay – one thing at a time, one step at a time. Blessings to you.
Justus5,
I don’t think you are a fool, so please quit saying that about yourself. When you married, you probably thought that you were marrying for life, taking your vows seriously. You sound like a good person who’s been hurt tremendously by your husband. It’s your husband’s loss because he had a treasure of a wife – he wasn’t good enough for you!
Bluejay, SPOT-ON!!!! We’ve been fooled, ONLY! The belief that we honor our vows is not to be defined as being “a fool.” Being “a fool” is light-years apart from being fooled or foolish.
Justus5, your’e okay and you WILL be okay. You are experiencing normal reactions and emotions to having been exposed to spath head-games. You will get beyond this initial milestone in good order, and continue moving towards your true Self and potential and away from the Thing that has willingly inflicted so much misery. Brightest blessings.
Buttons,
Thanks for your words. I Know that he will never admit to his misdeeds, having already had plenty of experience finding this truth out. Regarding serious things, it’s frustrating because he won’t give you truthful answers. Life is too short for all this nonsense. I have to get off in order to get some things done. Take care and have a good day. You’re right about “one thing at a time, one step at a time.” Blessings to you.
Buttons,
I know how I want to live my life. It’s reaching the destination that’s tricky. There are so many things to pull you down. It’s almost like you have to put a vice on your head and will yourself to go after the things that matter to yourself, no distractions. Keeping at it day-by-day is the key. Gotta go.