If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Odd, I didn’t get spine-tingling “stare” – or, not at first; it was much later. What I got was a direct stare combined with an impish smile. He was the picture of honesty and directness. He would flutter his eyelashes at me.
The spine-tingling sensation came much later when I KNEW he was lying – and he was giving me that impish look. That’s when I realized how calculating he was.
ErinBrock, Buttons & Dani – thanks for getting back to my post with your responses.
Hard to say, but my therapist says it takes 2 years of recovery for every 5 years of a relationship. If I didn’t have the attachment to my ex’s niece and nephew, I’d have been gone from that family and most likely over this. I never really forgave her mother or father for what I percieved as them knowing about their daughter & her various rendevous behind my back, and that bothers me that I never got to say anything before her mother passed away. Honestly, I’m not sure if I’ve forgiven them yet, either. I want to, but would I be letting my guard down by doing so?
Sunday night after family came back from the funeral home, which I was told was for ‘family only’ I noticed friends went. I wasn’t asked to go and no one bothered to tell me why – except that my ex told her sisters that she would talk to me if I approached her, which I didn’t. She would lower her ego far enough to talk to me but didn’t include me as a pallbearer and it was a deliberate attempt for her to throw her middle finger in my face again. Once again, she got the upper hand while the people who claim I’m like family to them looked the other way and said absolutely nothing to her. I’m ready to beat her worthless ass but I also know that won’t solve anything and the police, courts, etc. would never buy into me being shit all over by her sociopathic self and retaliating. Still, the satisfaction would be nice.
I’ll just continue to take the high road. I’m sure I’ve seen a few of you on there but I don’t recognize too many people I know. It’s a lonely road, you know.
Have a great day everyone & take care.
I just woke up from a nap.
I had a disturbing dream that has left me in a pondering/enlightning state.
People were coming and going from my home….workers were here doing remodeling stuff and some new ‘friends’ were here sitting with me chatting. (2 ladies).
All of a sudden spath showed up and I asked him to leave…..he wouldn’t. He was insistent this was HIS home.
He went inside, and me and the women followed. (I didn’t know these women, new friends)……we followed him up the stairs and into the guest room. It had appeared he had stayed there overnight and I was shocked…..I looked through his stuff to see if he had taken anything of mine….and kept asking him to leave. He said no. I said you are violating the restraining order and you must leave my home…..I will call the police….when I picked up the phone, he was on the other end so I couldn’t dial. I couldn’t find my cell phone.
When I got a dial tone, I coulnd’t remember the number to the police. They have said don’t use 911 if he shows up, unless it’s life or death…in real life.
I called a wrong number and the person was telling me the police number, but I coulndn’t hear them, I kept repeating the wrong number and they got frustrated and hung up. I was going into another room to clarify the number and spath walked in that room….and said he wanted to talk….
Then we were laying down on the bed and he was trying to schmooze me with tears and hugs. He kissed me and I pushed him away, saying I wasn’t HIS and he needed to leave.
The friend had disappeared and left……When she was there, it was a comfort for someone else to see the behaviors.
In the dream, I felt myself weakening to his demands….
I layed there trying to figure out how I was going to lie to everyone if we got back together and went from that thought to I don’t care, it’s my life….I don’t care what anyone thinks….(what I did in real life for 28 years)…..
He tried to have sex with me…..and I stopped him. I said….we will never have sex again…you’ve been with others….
HE gave me the ‘hu’……I said you heard me…..he said well, not really, I coulnd’t have sex with anyone because I love you EB. I’ve waited for you……
I started naming names, and he got flustered….redirected his manipulations to the next day and loving me….
He said to me, he had to go….he had plans, but tomorrow he wanted me to meet him in the kitchen and no one would know.
I felt myself being disgusted by ‘plotting’ with him (in my dream) and I was VERY aware when I woke up the lies and manipuluations I did for years to prolong this relationship and sometimes when it was bad and we reconciled….to hide it from others….
How I allowed the addiction to split me off from friends and others…..by me lying to them about us being together, after telling them about the abuse…..
AND I WAS DOING IT IN MY DREAM!!!
This was what I woke up with……..
Me participating and realizing NO…STOP!
I layed ther for a bit, pondering the dream…….and thought of the messages that were in it….
I saw how he manipulated me to keep secrets with him…..
I saw how my participation in those secrets dragged me away from authentic relationships with others…..
I saw how he used ‘love and affection’ to reel me back in…..
I saw how he had NO REGARD for my wishes and plowed right over them……(entering the home)
I saw how I don’t trust him….because I rifled through his things to make sure he hadn’t taken anything of mine……
I saw how easy it was for him to lie to me and for me to believe him……
I saw how needy I was…..and how I have gained strength.
Now that I’ve written it…..gotten it out…..I see the growth in me……
I think he’s entered my subconscious since he’s ‘local’ and has been telling peeps his undying ‘love’ for me…and it has made me nervous….I’d rather have him ‘love’ me from 3000 miles away…….NOT 10 houses away!!! But the choice is NOT mine………actually, I’d rather him find another supply and NOT love me at all….forget about me and be gone….POOF!
I know what I need to do…..
Thanks for the rant.
{{{{{{EB}}}}} wow, what powerful symbolism in your dream! House/home = Self/Soul I used to have “house” dreams all the time – trying to FIND a home/Self. I have goosebumps. wow
Dreams can communicate so much about us and them! The house is interesting. Immediately after our divorce ( he got the house) I dreamed that I went there to pick up our daughter.
He had “renovated” the house into a theme park with a water slide going through it. Strangers everywhere having fun. It went on and on. I enjoyed seeing her have such a great time but all the strange people bothered me.
This is a reflection of how we constantly had visitors there when married. Most we did not know or like, since they were there for him. All about having a good time.
In the dream,, I had to drag our daughter away. As we were leaving, she was crying how it was so much fun and a snake hidden in the grass bit her on the ankle. It would not let go but when it did, it tried to chase me.
That dream told me exactly what to think of all the “fun” that house had held and still represents.
Justus5,
Yes, in my opinion, if we are no longer willing to play their game — we bascially go NO CONTACT. And we change our ways, and thought process to view them for who they really are (not what we wished them to be or what they fraudulently portrayed themselves to be)…when this happens they are threatened, feel as though they have lost “power” and “control” and it is often the most difficult time because they usually do one of two things at this stage –
1. Try to make your life a living hell. Smear campaign against you. Turn children against you. Make life very difficult for you or…
2. Put on their best “Im sorry” story…pay attention, do things to make you think they have changed and will change, etc…all in an effort to lure back into their “sick twisted game” —
Both are “a win” for them.
Thats why the LF mantra is NO CONTACT!!!!! MOVE ON!!!!
Dear EB,
You didnt have the tools to deal with him back then, all those years….
If you did you would not have allowed yourself to believe his lies and be manipulated over and over.
You have the tools now — in fact, you very well may be one of the sharpest tools in the shed!!!
Glad your realities and dreams are finally merging as one – and your participation with him in any way on any level – has stopped forever!
xoxo
It’s a small world!
WOW!!!!!!TOWANDA ERIN B!!!!!! TOWANDA!!!!
So this is your X-Husband that came around wanting the jet ski? WOW!!!!! Talk about VINDICATION!!!! Make some blow ups of that newspaper article and laminate them and post them around town during the night like “lost dog posters” LOL Put them under the windsheild wipers of the people who doubted you!!!!
I am soooooo happy for you!!!! KARMA RULES!!!!! And Hey, the kids can go visit their daddy in the joint and wear a wire like Travis!!!! (BOINK myself! I shouldn’t a said that!) hee hee
Well, maybe that explains why you got that last check from the brother-in-law’s address.
Sounds like they may ALL be coming from that address in the future if the Spath gets incarcerated on pot charges.
I remember you saying, “Something’s Up” when the check came from that address.
I love it when a mystery comes together.