If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Hanging his dangles off your ass, LOL. Yeah, I still laugh, He never managed to take that from me. Well, only temporarily, but I am stronger than him. This I know.
Thanks for the reply EB. And you know, I hope I don’t keep doing what I did last post, ie doubting the truth of who this boy is. And ‘boy’ is all he is, despite his 35 years. Okay, I like the mellowness that sometimes comes after the Hell I’ve been through, ‘cos any break is good. But he IS a Monster with a capital M. Every morning when I wake up I remember the cruelty, lack of empathy, UTTER lack of soul, mind games to keep me depressed and terrified — THAT is not simply a sex addict. He is far more than that. My daughter knew it first time she met him: “There’s something missing, Mum.” Yep. He is not like us. He outed himself almost every time he opened his mouth. For some reason I keep forgetting what I know and I know far more than he thinks I do, because he isn’t clever enough to hide his tracks and because I’ve spoken to others that have been slimed by him.
Glad you don’t mind my ramblings, it does help to get it out. 🙂
Do whatever comes at the time…..just get the emotions out….
you learn from each step!!!!
XXOO
EB
Thanks EB, so much. Every post and reply on here gives me strength. I don’t even want to think of what people had to do before lovefraud was here and they were alone with this stuff. I wonder how many killed themselves because nobody understood. My story is nowhere near as bad as most on here but it was enough to smash my mind into pieces for a while. They are as bad as murderers but they think they are the victims of us crazy women. *shudders*
I’m going to work on Kathleen Hawk’s healing series now and get his poison out of my system. xxx
Good for you Verity…..Kathleen is a WONDERFUL writer….and that series is fantastic information…..
There really is so very much great info out there….and it takes time to process….
I will caution you…..take it slow…i know you want to heal and heal quick….but there is so much ‘under belly’ to this healing process….it’s not all that you ‘see on the surface’. It is like an onion….with many many layers….
It’s worth the work……
Murder by Suicide…..A DEFINATE issue…..
thank god we all made different choices!!!
Wow-can’t believe that I am just now reading this entire thread. It sure got everyone all fired up. My ex sociopath did fit every one of the 10 signs on the list. I sure wish that I had seen this list a long time ago and it may have saved me a lot of heartache. We should be educating as many people as possible about these manipulators.
Now, for Charlotte: She needs some heavy research on what sociopaths really are. They cannot be helped or cured. I agree with her needing to read Without Conscience. I take HEAVY HEAVY offense with her talking about people on here “wallowing in self pity”. First, when you go through severe trauma, wallowing is very necessary for awhile.
Many of the people on here are in all kinds of different stages in how they deal with their pain. I have to agree with my girl tobehappy when she talked about the people on here saving her life at the end of February. They saved mine at the beginning of March. I came to this site so depressed and in pain that I just thought I was going to die. My self esteem was completely gone and I didn’t trust myself at all. I was in so much pain. I was totally defeated. I was too an spath magnet-thanks to my mother and a little bit of my father. Fortunately he actually admitted his part in it and apologized and we have a good relationship. Mom-not so much-another topic for another time.
I was interested in what someone said about Charlotte saying these things to a rape victim. I got news for you-I’m a rape victim. This is the first time I’ve publicly said that. Only those who know me well know that. I can’t think about the pain of the sociopath parasitic son of a minister who did it to me. There isn’t much explanation that I know of for his sociopathy. He had a very loving childhood and family life. His father, the minister told me to be very careful with him. Huge red flag that I ignored. I felt sorry for him because he was a 30-something widow with two young boys.
Excuse me if I can’t worry about his pain as he was the one who took my virginity-and what a way to take it. She needs to get a life. I know she’s been through severe pain but she sounds just like my mother who made me into the people-pleaser that I am by forcing her ways on my and pollyanna-ing me to death.”We should all give people the benefit of the doubt. No one is really evil. There is good in everybody. We must forgive everybody,etc” thanks mom-BULL FREAKIN SHIT, btw.
My ex, who brought me here devastated me. He was an emotional predator. I did make the choice to be with him, even though he was already with someone else. Many of you know my story. I am humiliated at my part in that. I lost pretty much everything because of him. The worst was my ability to see what an amazing woman I am and the ability to trust myself. I lost my dream career because I had to put it on hold.
My ex had a horrible childhood, but it was no excuse for his behavior. His wife made him go to therapy to get her back. He called me 4 months after the discard and said he wanted closure with me and he said-“I am in therapy now and I need you to know that I shouldn’t have done what I did to you-you just have to understand that I had this horrible childhood, and that’s why I did this to you”. He kept saying I shoudn’t have done this or that, but NEVER the words I’m sorry. She of course, took him back knowing that he had 4 relationships with pretty younger women while he was married to her.
She took him back because they are not emotionally invested with each other. There is no love. He wants to keep her for social status and stay in the marriage but have women on the side for sex and love. His problem is that he has no idea what love or respect means. He told me that he had friendship and respect with her but not love. I told him that if he respected her so much-why was he with me? I post for a long time on all of this but I do feel that would Charlotte said was extremely misguided and ignorant. Thank God that I now have respect for myself to no longer want him back and now know that I deserve the absolute best from someone who claims to love me. I do not deserve a part-time relationship and I will never go to bed with someone again after only a month of being together. I will be the deciding factor on when that occurs. If the man won’t wait, he ain’t the one!
Verity Ramble away it’s good for your soul. Erin1972 You seem to be doing better, it does all come together at some point. And speaking of Charlotte did she ever respond or post anything again?
Henry, thanks so much. 🙂 It’s doing me soooo much good just being here.
Erin yet again a story sounds familiar. When I first read here (Winter of 2008) I was also suicidal. The site helped keep me going too, and now I’m completely out of the trance of addiction that I was in it is helping me all over again.
I agree Erin, that a horrible childhood isn’t the reason for their behaviour. It can’t be. I had a terrible childhood and it’s left me with problems and faults that need work or I would never have been with a narc in the first place (back to Daddy) but I have a lot of empathy, too much if anything, and these people have none. If they did they wouldn’t need the compartmentalised lives, secrets and lies. They know that what they do hurts people but they can’t seem to stop. Instead they tell others you’re abusive or sick, to deflect any blame.
Mine had all 10 signs too Erin. I wanted to die for a long time. It does get better, I promise you. Believe that. I had to stop wanting to believe I was loved first and that took my brain being able to come out of the denial it was in. I also had to stop the malignant hope that he was a good man. I know now, well I always knew deep down but I was addicted and I think that in part that was the brainwashing and NLP/seduction techniques that they do plus a LOT of trauma bonding, that he was never anything but an inadequate excuse for a man. There is nothing there to like.
Take care, Erin and Henry. Have a good Sunday.
Verity:
I’m REALLY glad you made it ‘out’, and found your way here!!!
XXOO
EB
Verity,
OMG! Your ex sounds exactly like my soon to be ex. I wasn’t sure what to call him, narcissist, sociopath, jerk, or sex addict. I also see the wounded boy in him, we were watching a movie and a nice scene with a woman and her friend were on a dock on a lake, she put her arm on his back in friendship and support. My husband got in a fetal position in his place on the couch. It lasted maybe 10-20 seconds and the kids didn’t see it, but it diffinately happened. He then went back to normal during the rest of the movie. How does one compute that responce? I have been down and out and probably fetal, but we were fighting and I was crying like mad. So I tried to be understanding and get him help, he would tell the doctor that I was delusional. He can’t afford to let anyone in.
Where this damage comes from, I don’t know, but I realize that I am putting my welfare and the welfare of my children at stake the longer I stay. He is in the “I’ll do anything to keep us together” stage. I know it’s a ploy, as soon as there is an issue, I see behind his mask and it’s frightening, like I’m talking to someone from Mars.
It’s chilling how they can fool so many people. Mine fits the 10 points, to a T. He has the stare down, all the other things too. Yet, the one thing that has eluded me about the diagonsis of sociopath, is that my husband has always been hard working. He is ambitious, although he gets bored easily at work and will need new challenges. So I have a hard time deciding how to see his condition, I just know he is toxic.
Thanks for sharing Verity, I started blogging yesterday on LF and am glad I’m here.
Hopeforjoy…..the “response” that you witnessed by your soon-to-be-ex could possibly be entierly fabricated for YOUR benefit. “Wounded little boy” is precisely the image that he wants you to accept as real to excuse his behaviors.
Each person that I’ve ever met in my lifetime is, in some way, “wounded.” However, each of these people didn’t use their victimization as an excuse to deliberately inflict harm on others.
Brightest blessings, Hopeforjoy, and support hugs for you.