If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Buttons,
He likes to think he is the vicim, which is so bizzare to me. What you said is true, I was abused by my narcissitic father, he actually says “All I need is when I look in the mirror”, but I don’t deliberatly cause people pain. My husband will do ANYTHING to protect himself and his reputation, even hurt the ones he supposedly loves. My 16 year old daughter sees through him, he denied her too when she had the courage to tell me she doesn’t like the way he hugs her. What a horses arse!!!!!!
I have doubted myself far too long.
Hi Hopeforjoy. They seem to all sound the same. It’s amazing. The only difference is the amount and maybe type of harm they do. Like I said to EB, it would be so cut and dried if he’d done as much as hers did, but I managed to get out after a short time so maybe I never saw the worst he could do. I heard about some bad stuff from an ex of his though — worse even than I got. Yes, it’s anything to protect themselves and their reputation. That is very familiar.
I have doubted myself for far too long as well. Let’s not do that any more. *hugs*
ATTAGIRL, HOPEFORJOY!!! It is our ability to FEEL their “pain” that lures us. My ex was the same way and I foolishly believed that “I am the One” who could “help” him. Ah….what a vile game it was.
Mine had his photo taken after he had been ‘abused’ by the woman he went to while I was suicidal, to show everybody how badly he had been treated. HAHAHAHAHA! Poor man.
Verity and Buttons…Wow, do you guys get it. I am tired of that co-dependent stuff!!! I know I have to work on my issues, but in NO WAY did I ever enable him to be an a** h***! For a long while, the only time I felt he loved me is when we had sex because he asked how to please me. He just wanted the experience, not the love. You don’t gaslight someone you love.
We can’t help them. No more will I doubt my instincts. XXXOOO to you wonderful people!!!!!!!!
They are complete, feral, animals!
Hopeforjoy, you’re wonderful, along with every Survivor on this site and in the Real World who has gotten out, gotten safe, and gotten themselves on to the Healing Path. That Path ain’t easy, but it sure beats being locked on the Island of Spathy! 😀
I’m convinced that we are born who we are …..my two sisters couldn’t “beat the monster” (sociomom) so they became the monster socios. I am SO not like them. I became the ’empath’…got my fathers genes….
Henry-thanks, I am doing so much better. May 1st will be a year since he broke my heart. Being here has helped SO much. Thanks to everyone-especially my new “sister” tobehappy who showed up here just before I did. I don’t recall seeing any other posts by Charlotte after that first one. Have a great day!
Aww…thanks Erin…you’ve helped me so much too! I always tell my girls…out of everything “bad” comes something good. Its true. The “bad” things that happen are “lessons” in life to learn to be a better person. There really are no “mistakes” in life…just lessons. Everything is meant to be for us to grow and evolve into better people..closer to our “source”. I truly believe that. Someone once told me that “bad” things will keep happenning until we “learn”. We do create our own realities by our “choices” …who we bring into our lives. For me, I had to experience this r/s to get over my xhusb socio hurt and abuse…never truly “healed” from those 8 yrs. Now, I am “over” it…went “through” it…another relationship with a socio…one LAST time…and now I feel I’ve self actualized. I KNOW who I am…what I’m worth and I’m stronger than I’ve ever been…and so much wiser…thanks to all on here!
Everyday…I try to live in the NOW…not think about the past too much..and not worry about the future. Its MIND CONTROL.
In The Power of Now…he says either your mind chatter will control you…or YOU will control your mind and your thoughts.
I have chosen to NOT let my old subconscious mind control me. I say in the state of “consciousness” state…and I do affirmations to help me..from Louise Hay. It works…I ended up getting out of the house..joining the gym..taking care of ME now.
And, everyday I feel better.