If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
super chic
cls, I am so glad you had the strength inside yourself to cut all ties with him when you realized what was going on.
I wanted the relationshit I was in to work… so I ignored the red flags… BAD THING TO DO!
Your experience will help others more than you know! Thank you!
toogoodtobetrue
My jaw dropped when I read the ten signs!!! The guy I was dating for about 6 months exhibits every sign!! I broke up with this guy about a week ago, and I have at one point told him I never want anything to do with him, but it is very difficult, because before I read this article, I thought he may be manic depressive, so I told him I would be there for him only as a friend. But in his sick mind, I think he truly believes that I will go back with him. I have such mixed emotions and need some advice. On the one hand, I want nothing to do with him, and never to have any communication with him again. On the other hand, I feel like I still care for him, because he could be so charming, and he was very generous and swears up and down how much he loves me. Are these people really capable of true love?? Cause he claims the lies I caught him in were only so that I wouldn’t have to be “concerned” about certain things. I feel like such a fool!
toogoodtobetrue
1. Charisma and charm. – We always had so much fun when we would go out. He always told me how wonderful I dressed, and had a really great smile.
2. Enormous ego. – He is in the military. And granted, I am totally appreciative of our military who fight for our freedom, but he acted like his position was the only one that mattered and that he did his job better than any of his peers.
3. Overly attentive. – He called, texted and e-mail constantly!!. And when I didn’t respond right away, he would suspect something was wrong. He did want to be with me every possible moment. He didn’t resent time I spend with my family or friends, but I’m thinking that side just hadn’t come out yet
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. – This one, well, he would be so nice if everything was going right, but the second I would say I had a concern (for example, the texting is getting to be too frequent, and I’m starting to feel tied to my phone), he would get all upset.
5. Blame others. – He actually tried blaming his friend when he put his hand in his pocket and jabbed his finger on somehthing sharp that he HIMSELF had left in the pocket!!!
6. Lies and gaps in the story.- Totally lied about where he was living, for no good reason. He lived in another state, and when I went to visit him where he supposedly was living on the base, there was not even 1 item in the fridge! I questioned him, and he just lied some more, saying he never eats there.
7. Intense eye contact. Yes, he definitely had the predatory stare.
8. Move fast. He was proclaiming his true love for me even though we hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, before he even met me again.
9. Pity play. – Oh yes….always looking for a pity party and exaggerating any small illness or injury.
10. Sexual magnetism. – The sex was very intense, the best!!
Stargazer
The stories that didn’t add up and a few no shows/no calls when he said he would. The lovebombing and the bizarre stories and excuses – those were my only signs. Mine never got angry, never smeared me to anyone, never became violent, never took a penny of my money, and always picked up the tab when we went out. I left him after the second no-show. I realized there was some sort of game or sickness going on, and I opted out. Why even wait for the other signs to show? Isn’t lying and not following through on promises enough? It was for me. I got out after 3 months and never looked back. Setting your boundaries with lovers should be behavior-based (their behaviors). The label does not really matter. The problem with these charming types is that slowly over time they erode our boundaries until we find ourselves putting up with things we would never put up with. Whatever stage of this you are in, get out now while the gettin’s good. The longer the relationship lasts, the harder it is to break away.
Stargazer
CLS,
OMG, I think maybe we dated the same guy! Mine faked headaches (he was faking an entire head injury) and actually used the excuse of brain surgery to explain one of his no-shows. As incredible of a story as it was, it was plausible because he was using the head injury to try to get out of the army, so they were running a lot of tests on him. (All a lie, of course).
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hi guys! at my conference….2 hours to show time! wee haaawww…
Ox Drover
Dear 2good2Btrue—-
Many psychopaths ARE bi-polar but that is not the excuse to give them any slack….people who are bi-polar and NOT psychopathic don’t treat you like these people who are BOTH bi-polar and psychopathic do….don’t let the pity play get to you. Many people who are psychopathic are also ADHD but you can be bi-polar and not mean as a snake and you can be ADHD and not mean as a snake, but the thing is you can’t be a psychopath and NOT mean as a snake…(sorry Star! LOL) so the thing is GET AWAY FROM HIM,, he scores a 10 out of 10, what more do you want! A tattoo on his forehead that says PSYCHOPATH?
I don’t care if he has hang nails, scabies and ingrown hairs, NOTHING IS AN EXCUSE for being a LIAR AND DISHONEST. RUN!@!!!!!!
Stargazer
My snakes are not mean! ha ha ha. Although Veronica did try to take my hand off this morning when I tried to scratch her little head…..
Ox Drover
Dear Star,
I know you love your snakes, darling, but they ain’t PUPPY DOGS, and you can pet them till hell freezes over but they ain’t gonna grow fur and love you back! LOL They are pretty though! (((hugs))))
Stargazer
My snakes love me. They just have a “different” way of showing it. LOL