If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
GoingThroughTheMotions
Hi all,
I don’t know where to post this – but had a memory of when I first met my ex spath, and can’t shake it, can’t help but wonder if it was an early experience with his deceit, or just something bizarre.
Anyway, we went to the movies – a thriller with plenty of heart-stopping scenes. The whole audience reacted in unison -except him. He would suck in his breath, and grab my thigh in fear, a millisecond after everyone else, giving me a double shock – the first from the film, the second from him. Was wondering if he was faking it and really hadn’t experienced the scary scene like everybody else, and was therefore, just pretending…anyone else experience anything like this? I have read that sociopaths don’t really feel fear…He did show fear for his physical safety on one occasion – when a very large crab made a go for us during our first holiday together. He grabbed me and shoved me in front of him and held me there. He blamed me for frightening the crab. Boy was I stupid to let that one slide. Thanks
one/joy_step_at_a_time
GoingThroughTheMotions – sorry, i had to laugh when i read that he used you as a sheild: classic spath asshole move.
i sure have read about your experience at the movies many times on lovefraud. it seems to be a failry common experience that spaths copy and reflect emotion as part of their mimicry of empathetic creatures. so yes, it was an early experience with deceit.
they were many occasions when the spath i knew would have an emotional reaction that was just ‘off.’ unfortunately, in the beginning there was always a justifiable ‘reason’ for the out of tune responses, and truly some of it seemed noble to me. But the longer i watched and listened, the more the ‘really hard to explain/ bizarre responses’ piled up.
skylar
going thru the motions,
LOL, ok, here is what my spath did at the movies:
even though we were not intimate and hadn’t been for over a decade, when we went to the movies, he would say, “put your arms and legs on me so I can keep you warm.” So I would drape myself on him and he would hold me. We would always go to see thrillers and of course my body would jump and start at each scary scene. Now I realize that he was getting off on my emotional reactions. LOL. because he had none of his own, he wanted to experience my emotions vicariously. puke.
agreenbean
“i had to laugh when i read that he used you as a sheild: classic spath asshole move.”
i never thought about this. my spath did this when his exwife was in town. literally hid behind me and made us run! and he’d use me like a battering ram to get through crowds of people. barf.
candy
Yes, yes yes………this is sooooo true. So he got CRABS!!!
I’d not thought about it before. Mine used to push me ahead now you mention it. If we were entering a bar or something like that he would give me a shove and say ‘go on’.
Mine would do it with dogs…so if the dog was unfriendly it would get me first! WTF
He hated the dark too. I think it was because he could not gauge my emotions without seeing my face.
Weird how these little things pop into our heads even months after spath is off the scene.
agreenbean
so true. things i noticed and thought were “off” now make a lot more sense knowing that it was all strategy on his part to stay in the position of control
GoingThroughTheMotions
Thanks all – u make me feel less crazy. Think I read about the whole “leg draping” incident before now that I think about it. Eeeew! I used to find nobilty in some of my ex’s actions/inaction too. Put his non reactions down to some sort of uber maturity, also never could quite understand how he could show such care for his first ex who had supposedly treated him badly-was part of what made me fall for him actually and now he performs the same show for the new one. He used to criticise his mother saying all she cared about was making a “big show” of everything-he is just the same only worse. It’s all an act. His mantlepiece shld be decorated with Oscars – especially since he has no emotional exp to draw on! Lol
seriously
Vehicle update. Didn’t know where else to post. My lawyer works well with my ex sociopath. He believes everything my lawyer tells him. So funny. He told my lawyer that my dad can’t be near him bc my dad will do away with him. So he’s scared of my dad. Supposedly. Might have the vehicle sold tomorrow. Yay. Wish me luck….so far spath is doing what he’s supposed to.
Ox Drover
Dear Seriiously,
Good luck, sometimes a good bluff works!
GoingThroughTheMotions
Yes good luck – bluffing works especially when they don’t expect it from you : )