If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Recovering
Mine doesn’t even love himself but I am having a hard time understanding why I am the center of attention here. Why am I important in hooking her other than her trying to be so much better than I was (whatever he is saying). Or am I correct?
The bastard even sent me a text after our convo of threats like he did not put her up to anything…What the hell? He said she must have gotten my number while he was asleep, false! He says for me to keep my name out of his mouth (like I contacted her), really? I would not even be surprised if he sent some of those text from her phone himself trying to get a rise out of me. I did well LL. I told him not to contact me again and that I did not want him and for them to have the best of luck together. I guess it was not the response he was looking for so he continues to text asking questions like he was not there in her face routing her on..OMG
lesson learned
Far?
Is he still texting you? Of course telling him that you wish them well is not what he wanted to hear lol!!!
Come on, really? He wants to hear that you’re crying in your budweiser over him!!!
Seriously, don’t give him that.
If he can text you, this tells me he still has access to your number. can you change it?
What do you need to do to get out of the drama Far?
Only you know the answer to that. He’s going to continue to try to piss you off and provoke you, and he doesn’t mind using new gf to do it. He’s lost control.
Soooooo, chica, don’t give it to him 🙂
LL
geminigirl
Superkid,
Your observation re the spath never ever turning round to wave good bye, or wave out the car window reminded me of my 2 spath daughters.
When I finally left their Dad,{after being beaten up,} I found a tiny flat,{condo} to rent on my own. I couldnt take my girls,{then 17 and 19 yrs old} with me, and they didnt want to come with me anyway. I had them over every week for Sunday lunch, then Id walk them to the corner of the street,theyd cross at the lights. never once did they turn round to smile and wave goodbye,EVER.
In fact they looked relieved to be leaving me!They were laughing with each other, glad to leave me!
I noticed it with the younger spath D seperately too, if I met her for lunch.{naturally I paid.} She always arrived late, and couldnt wait to leave.When we parted, she never ever turned to smile and wave, just a peck on the cheek, and she was off.Never ever looked back.
Strange how these things come back to you! With my lovely adopted “kids”, when they drive a way from our home, they always wave out the window, blow kisses, Roya hangs so far out the window, she almost falls out!!
And as soon as they get home thay call us. Then I usually get a lovely Thank you email with flower pics and kisses the next day.What a difference! I was so not used to this, but I LOVE IT!!
Love,
Mama GemXX
Recovering
gem,
I never thought of the effects spath kids have on individuals. I know that must really hurt. With relationships, you can leave them, get out! But with family, it is different!
LL I could change my number, however I am not going there! There are tons of people who have my number professionally! I will continue to ignore him. I am happy this new gf who told on herself, (was f’ing him while we were together) is occupying his time. She is not the new gf! Only the correction: a new victim and she will probably get dogged even worse for giving the milk away without his purchase! Dumb Duck! She even said she was waiting on our break up. Even if I felt that way I would never tell another woman that! She will remain the OW because he will keep her that way despite what she thinks now in her mind. I did in fact try to warn her though. I hate how she is praising him when I know the truth about this jerk!
Recovering
I think I hate ALL men now.
skylar
mama Gem, that is so nice that your new kids treat you so well, you have earned it after your daughters. I can just picture Roya hanging out the window and waving.
Superkid,
that’s an interesting observation. On the surface, we could call it a red flag because it does tell us that he had no further thought for you when he left. But a spath could learn to remember to fake it, so it’s not a reliable red flag.
It’s hard to sit around and analyze each little nuance to see if someone is a spath or not. So I thought about what you described and I realized that there is one consistent thing, which is always the same, that warns us of spathsticity: your feelings were hurt. That’s the warning sign. It’s so simple. You just need to listen to that feeling because different things will trigger it, from different spaths. But we know that something doesn’t feel right. It’s like the second half of the WTF? moment. The hurt feelings and the WTF? moments are our red flags and they come from INSIDE US.
My hypnotherapist was telling me about the superior intelligence of the subconcious mind, which notices everything and interprets things correctly. So often we just don’t listen. I believe that we don’t listen because it doesn’t speak in words – it predates our acquistion of language. We have to pay attention to other ways it communicates with us: Our dreams, our gut feelings and even bodily functions.
Recovering
I still feel so violated! I wanted to fire off on her and tell her how stupid she is! But I too was in her very shoes, I would have never called an ex though! I can just see his sick face, laughing, plotting, planning, all the evil things to say to her brainwashed ass. IT IS UNFAIR FOR SPATHS TO ROAM THE UNIVERSE!
skylar
Far,
I’m worried about your safety. This woman seems like she is easily manipulated by him, He could use her as his patsy to hurt you.
You need to record her threats and his voicemails and go to the police for a restraining order. This smells dangerous to me.
lesson learned
Far,
A few things I see here.
I’ve been on both sides of the fence. The psycho freak mistress/gf/ ex, and I’ve flipped out on ALL of his ex’s, ex wife, ex love bomb…I was in such a state I wanted them ALL to know what an asshole he was….
What I didn’t realize at the time while doing all of this, was that I was in great pain over what he had done to me…the provocations he wanted to make me look crazy that I couldn’t see….they knew who he was………but I made him look better….because of what he said, the way he used me to provoke trying to get answers when he wouldn’t give them, implying that the ex’s would….I was a basket case. Each of those women, that I contacted, had a right to think I was nuts…and I was, just like this poor girl is. He has her in a frenzy.
He has her a basket case. You have no idea the shit he’s SLOWLY and METHODICALLY feeding her to “protect” her man…
It is CALCULATING AND SADISTIC ON HIS PART!!
When I read your posts about this woman, I feel very triggered. So it took a bit to see it for what it is and that the influence is not she, chica, it is HE!!!!!
WHAT A BASTARD, FAR!!!
HE IS A BASTARD!!!
THINK about this!!!
He’s using HER to frighten you FOR FUN.
This isn’t about he wants you back to hook you in because he is capable of human care, but he’s using HER AND HIS CONTROL AND HER FEAR TO HURT YOU AND HER!!! WHAT A BASTARD HE IS, FAR!!!
LISTEN to the way you’re talking about her and what she’s DOING. You too, Sky.
It isn’t SHE you need to be afraid of, it is HE! HIM HIM HIM!
He’s getting her all riled up to make you pissed off, set up triangulation and make HER LOOK LIKE A FOOL
WHAT A GODDAMNED BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is SADISTIC Far.
Don’t fall for it. Ignore her calls and his. If she tries to contact you any other way, just CALMLY let her know that you hope she is able to break free of her dependence upon him, wish them WELL and LET IT GO!
LET THIS GO!
He WANTS this reaction from you. HE’s LOVING IT from her.
What is so sad is that you need to walk in her shoes too. With as much empathy as you can, despite what she is saying to you, understand that she is speaking from the prespective of this is the man she loves and she is threatened and HE IS CAUSING THIS.
HE IS DOING THIS NOT SHE.
IGNORE. GRAY ROCK, AS SKY SAYS, BUT DO NOT LOSE YOUR EMpATHY FOR A WOMAN WHO IS BEING COMPLETELY PSYCHED OUT BY A MAN WHILE SHE”S HIGH ON OXYTOCIN!!!
LL
skylar
LL, Far,
I’m not saying that she’s a bad person. I’m saying she might be driven to hurt Far because he drives her crazy with over-the-top emotion. Just like Joey Buttafucco did to Amy Fisher and then SHE was the one who pulled the trigger on his wife. He drove her to do it, but he’s not the one who paid. THAT’S WHAT SPATHS DO. THEY GET A PATSY TO DO THEIR DIRTY WORK. THAT’S WHY I FEAR THE COPS ON CAMANO ISLAND. THAT’S WHY I FEAR HIS FRIENDS.
My spath used to say, “I like to plant a seed…”
Then he would just let nature take it’s course. When the shit hits the fan, he’s far, far away and he just sits back and enjoys the drama.
DERAIL IT and do it NOW. Don’t wait.