If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
lesson learned
Sky
I totally get it. but in this case, having been there done that, you’re gray rock is the best way to go. He might have her in a frenzy, but unless she is personality disordered herself, gray rock or complete calm on Far’s side in response to gf, would defuse the flames he’s trying to create.
I don’t assume, again unless she has a personality disorder herself, to be without intellect and an ability to chill.
I don’t think it’s necessary to put Far into hysteria over the gf’s hysteria that her ex bf creates.
Gray rock, I think, would be adequate.
skylar
I don’t want to create drama, just safety. Yes, be cool as a cucumber, TAKE CONTROL of the situation. Don’t panic, it will feed right into his crap. But don’t underestimate the spath. They are EVIL.
How many people do we read about that kill themselves or their children? There is always a spath behind it. My BIL’s brother killed himself a few years back. I heard my sister having a conversation with him just hours before he did it. She told him, “Nothing you do matters to anyone, do whatever you want. Your life doesn’t affect anyone.” Of course she was referring to him declaring bankruptcy, but she knew that he had tried to commit suicide 2 times before.
They are evil and know exactly how to get normal people to do outrageous things.
My spath got his ex GF to commit suicide and another GF ran from him in her car, while he chased her down on his motorcycle. Luckily he crashed and ended up in the hospital. I need to find her. Her name is Marla Gross. We have lots to talk about….
one/joy_step_at_a_time
it’s the smiley face brigade! 🙂 🙂 🙂
superkid10
GEM, interesting parallel of goodbyes. Just shows lack of emotional connection, doesn’t it?
Skylar, you have a really great point. I keep reading checklists of sociopathic behavior, checklist of schizoid behavior, he’s also OCD, I keep trying to ask myself, exactly WHAT WAS IT, but you’re right, the only thing that matters is that he hurt me, repeatedly, and intentionally. Really really good observation. Thanks.
sk
Recovering
Good morning all! Thanks Sky and LL for the advice. I just thought of the Amy Fisher story. (SICK) I took a sleeping pill and crashed last night, I really got tired of thinking about this. I am learning to put things in perspective and think like a spath just as Sky advised. The new victim/gf told me that she was the one whose name he had mistakenly called me once while we were together, however I also think that was A LIE! A lie to blow up her head make her feel special, make her feel like she’s THE ONE and moreso to get a reaction out of me. So that I could fire up and get mad. It is all lies! I am sure he even told her to tell me that! Funny how he is feeding her all this bogus crap! I look back and it all makes sense. He is training her to ‘dick ride’ as I call it. Training her to trust him, love him, protect him, and make a damn fool of herself for him because he ‘loves her so much’, she should do as he says. I get it now! I think back and remember all the BS he told me and it makes perfect sense.
Never leave me as my father has, I can’t take someone else abandoning me= promise to always be my victim
Don’t ever let anything happen to me (protect)=lie for me if I need you to
My ex had a low sex drive=be readily available for me when I want sex
All my ex’s are STILL madly in love with me and tend to sabotage my new relationships= Believe my bullshit despite what you may hear
When a woman does not trust me it pushes me away, I am not a cheater= I AM A CHEATER
Iv’e done lots of bad things but it was due to cocaine= won’t accept responsibility
I have lack of respect for women because my mother was a whore while I was growing up= excuses
I had such a troubled childhood=pity play
AND the list goes on and on…I ‘m sure he was laughing at my loyalty, it never impressed him he just knew he had a SUCKER. Ladies I am finally understanding these sick and twisted men. I only wish I was a bit smarter. You want to believe everyone has an innate sense of humility, kindness towards humanity, and a CONSCIENCE. These MOFOS are dark, scary, and evil. This experience is changing my perspective on good and evil. I am beginning to believe in all types of supernatural beings. To start; spaths, nars, and any other creeps with personality disorders are simply possessed. Possessed by the devil himself!!!! I truly believe this now!
Recovering
Still, I am having trouble understanding the string of ex’s that pop back up. ALL his women I mean all were all old faces. It’s like he kept them on standby. When one fails call up an old one. It was like a cycle. Just as I am sure months maybe even a year from now he may even stop harassing and call me with the ‘get back’ talk. Maybe he thinks I will have gotten over this, he can remind me of the good times and I will miss him. Hardly any of these women are new, can anyone explain that?
lesson learned
Far,
I think you just explained it for yourself. Psychopaths recycle old sources for supply. It’s fun for them. They also like to recycle old triangulation situations. He knows which women “react” best.
If he’s one of “Those” you can bet you will never be quite off his radar unless you choose to be.
So choose to be. As you can see it’s not worth the time or trouble. The man can’t love, he’s just having himself an ego boost right now.
LL
candy
Far – You are getting there – very quickly. Here’s how it goes…..spaths usually have a few gf or bf ‘supply’ cos they cannot ever be without ‘someone’. So they usually have one or two on ‘standy’.
These are usually old flames. Because they have no conscience they pop up like nothing has ever happened. Even after all of the crap they have served up!
Then it’s ‘sorry, didn’t mean it, I won’t do it again, tears, pity ploy’ blah, blah. And for some reason (probably because we are essentially good, caring people) we give them another go, setting conditions which spath readily agrees to (because he knows this is what it will take) but spath has NO intention of abiding by the new rules.
So….this works for a while but soon spath is up to his old tricks. So we boot them out and off they go to the next victim. Hence the cycle.
They are just after the next hit. That may be money, sex, place to stay etc.
He will not change …..NEVER. He can’t cos his head is wired differently, a sort of short circuit. He will never be normal.
You’re doing very well and have come a long way in such short time.
candy
Far – btw I loved the list. It was my spath to a ‘t’ with the exception of the cocaine. They are like clones.
skylar
Far,
Your ability to get up to speed on this is impressive. You’ve made as much progress in a couple of days as most people make in weeks or months. I’m so glad for you.
Still, be aware of the dangers that these creatures can bring. Even when I was completely aware that my brother was a spath, he managed to have me arrested and sent to jail on a DV. It was all lies and a set up of course. I just didn’t think he posed a danger to me. I was wrong.
The key to staying safe is to give them NO DRAMA. Once they get some drama out of you, they go on a FRENZY. I’m not kidding, I saw the look on my brother’s face when I told him what my spath had done. It was like he could taste blood. He needed more drama, he wanted to be part of the story, so he wrote in his own little part.
I wish I had been more cognizant of how DANGEROUS they are.