If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Blackberry Users: Go to blackberry app world and download mr. number block. This app allows you block unwanted texts and calls from as many callers as you like. I recently blocked my spath and his new victim. He texted all night and I no I am suppose to keep NC but I had one final good bye that read ‘I do not care about you, I was never in love only with your lies and the game is over. If you overdose and die tonight I would not even attend your funeral. You are dead to me’….This call block app notifies you when a person on your list calls or texts however you are unable to read the texts which is a huge plus for me. He has continued to text, however if I cannot see what e is saying, he cannot manke me angry….Therefore no REACTION.
LL Candy Sky Thank you ladies so much for all your advice and wisdom. Please do keep it coming, it helps! I will be conscious of my surrroundings when I am out and about. I do not plan on going anywhere near his neck of the woods or any hangouts. His hangouts are mostly people’s home for coke parties anyway! HA! I just started reading People of the Lie…So far so good!
All the 10 signs were there when I met exspath. And this is why I fell in love with him. My first husband was very dry person, didn’t show much affection, forget about giving any attention.
Expath showered me with attention, good looking , well dressed up, successful I never asked him, but he told me about his income, his bonuses, text me, called me, wanted to meet me, in 30 minutes notice, everything was so exciting and just was out of this world.
We talked about magic we brought in each other’s life, we called each other’s soul mate very quickly. He would stare without blinking, which was kind of strange.
He wanted to know my where about constantly. One good thing about him, when apply NO Contact, he respected it, I guess that was a blessing…..
myheart:
Wow, my ex spath also had all 10 signs, but at the time, I just didn’t know what I was getting into. Unbelievable. Mine was the same…very good looking, well dressed (I mean like $700 Bally shoes well dressed), successful, European (unbelievable northern England accent), very soft spoken actually, lovebombed me…wanting to see me all the time, but once I gave in, it was pretty much all over. It was still there somewhat; wasn’t just a one night stand, but by then, I was the one hooked and he had cooled off. Geez. Oh, yes…that stare…
farwronged:
I loved your last text to him…those were great words!
Yes, all of the above in the 10 signs. I completely agree with every one of them. My experience lasted almost five years, where I was held emotionally and psychologically captive and have come through some amazingly difficult things to realize.
As I read more and more, here, on the site, I am having the illusions peeled away and am starting to see things clearly. Sociopaths are not like the rest of us who maintain a level of virtue and compassion. Their life and yours, as well, should you allow yourself to become involved with them, is ALWAYS ALL ABOUT THEM, ALL THE TIME.
They WILL suck your breath from you and then party at your funeral. I know this is true FIRST HAND.
After almost four solid years of being controlled by a demonic force (which is the easiest way to describe it) I have been and attempting to break free for the past couple of years but not having much luck. I ended up having a massive heart attack from the amount of pressure and stress this ‘angel of evil’ has brought upon my life, just recently, and his devastation of me continued on irregardless.
Most people think of me as weak because I allowed myself to be ensnared into a situation like this. We should all be in control enough to say ‘no’ and turn around and walk away; right? It isn’t that easy once you allow them to build and make that lasting bond with you. The trick is seeing them coming and not allowing them that bond with you in the first place.
MY story started off as an online romance. They are always so perfect; aren’t they? At least they start out that way. The mind control is unbelievable and if you are in anyway a kind hearted person and ‘giving’ – be sure they will use you until there is nothing left of you.
When I was in the hospital, almost near death, my so-called “BEST FRIEND” was somewhere else, with another woman yet, he had met on the internet. All the whole while, having his wife divorcing him after having beaten her to a pulp….a wife I was not aware of for four years, while the romancing and enticing continued on.
The only reason he isn’t with me right now is because I don’t live that way and have repeatedly spurned his propositions. He moved on to another woman he met on the internet and he has repeatedly thrown in my face and his wife’s face because she has more to offer him at this point in time. He uses her to harrass and contact the other women he has in his stable. But there is another, even deeper and darker level to this story that I am currently not at liberty to discuss for legal reasons. It pertains to his intentionally trying to kill me. All under the ‘radar’ of course; as always is the case. Or, how about the repeated death threats? I am not afraid of him and that could be MY MISTAKE but I refuse to allow someone like this to take what life I have left and turn it into a circus.
Listen up: this situation is ever prevalent in our world.
My journey since my heart attack, trying to recover and trying to put this monster behind me, has been one that couldn’t have been won by any one that is in any way a ‘weak’ person. In order to escape, once you are ensnared, it will take more courage than you ever possibly could conceive because they do NOT like to let go. They will play on your sense of all that is right, just, honest and good and have you thinking you are being mean and cruel to them, while all the while they are just using you as a stepping stone. NOTHING IS EVER THEIR FAULT; IT IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSES.
The only solution is NO CONTACT. EVER. FOR ANY REASON. Don’t feel guilty or sorry for them…they are NOT feeling sorry for you, in any way whatsoever; trust me. You are like a ‘tool’ for them and once they use you up, you are tossed aside, like a broken appliance.
MY SOLUTION was tossing THEM aside before they had the opportunity to further harm my psyche. The deed is done and after a 9 year relationship with this person, only the past two weeks have been a TRULY QUIET PHASE in my world in just about 9 years. I stood up to my demon and made it absolutely clear there will be NO MORE or legal action WILL commence. If you threaten it, follow through or you will forever be sorry.
I have been attending NON STOP counseling. I have been diagnosed with MAJOR PTSD and DEPRESSION. This has all stemmed from my association with him. He was the trigger for a lifetime of sorrows and regrets, unfortunately. I now have sudden cardiac death disorder along with cardiac artery disease. I could pass at any time and I told him for the last time: IT IS OVER; LEAVE ME ALONE NOW. But the ‘stalking’ continues. I didn’t lose anything financially but I lost my sanity and my health and about five years of my life I will never get back now. It’s just gone and wasted; thrown in the garbage, where HE has been thrown.
I believe that his existence in my life was to purge me into being an even better and stronger person in this lifetime. More aware; educated. I will never be the same person again. Now that my ‘best friend’ is gone, I can deal with my short mortality in peace; FINALLY.
Although the road is still so long to complete recovery, if it can ever be had again, we can’t stop trying. Don’t give up. This world is OURS too; not just theirs.
Thank you for this site. There are a lot of ‘victims’ out here and I always say: “I stop being the victim the minute I realize I am being MADE a victim.”
I am strong enough to sever this but I know it’s not over.
I am constantly stalked but in ‘quiet’ ways so that it can never be proven it is him. I have knocks on my door late at night and never answer the door. All my telephones are blocked and secured. It has been an experience that has affected my life for the rest of my life and he doesn’t care. He just finds another woman on the internet and moves on. It’s all about the control.
BE CAREFUL :::::: BE VERY CAREFUL::::: Anyone can be ANYTHING they want on the internet. I have known him almost 9 years and trust me, I am aware of a lot of different people who have been ‘had’ by this predator. The authorities are aware as well.
His attempted murder of me through non conventional means is going to be his downfall. I am not going to let it go. And, he is now caught in a trap of his own because if anything ever happens to me, his downfall will even come more quickly….
Sorry I can’t explain more. But he has finally been trapped in his own webbing. I AM ENTITLED TO LIFE TOO. MY LIFE is as important as HIS. WE are just as entitled to be happy in this life as the next person; perhaps even more so for our kindness that has been taken for weakness.
Blessings of peace and light to you all…
Don’t give up letting go…
Dear Duped,
You offer some very good advise. Thank you for mentioning that it is OUR world too! We need to keep kicking them to the curb and claim our space!
DUPED_IN_SOCAL:
Wow, I am so sorry you had to experience this and I thought I had it bad. My experience was nothing compared to yours. Please take care of yourself…
Dear Duped,
Welcome to LoveFraud, and sorry that you have had so much pain and damage, but there is healing, and there is validation here…so welcome to our world, the club you don’t want to join, but if you NEED TO JOIN, it is the best in the world!
Stress does do a number on your health, your body and your brain, as well as our emotions and our lives. Take care of yourself, I’m on a low sodium diet for my own health, as well as lower calories to lose some weight I gained…working on helping myself be healthier and feeling better. I’m a retired Advanced Practice nurse and have taken care of others my entire life, now I am taking care of ME! Putting myself first! Again, welcome, and God bless.
Welcome Duped..
Thanks so much for the warm ‘welcomes’.
It is a wonderful thing to have a place to come where I am understood. I appreciate that so much.
I have been pretty isolated the past five years of my experience. I have always been a very ‘strong’ figure, my whole lifelong but yet ‘completely crumbled’ under my experiences.
The experiences I have mentioned with all of you are only the skim of the surface. It has been an experience unlike any I have encountered in my whole life.
The manipulation and mind control have been likened to that of a hostage held unwillingly. For almost five years, I was the ‘cleaner’ for my sociopath….
With no regard but hatefulness where care should have been. This sight is right on; let me tell you and I have shared this spot with MANY people, all day long. It is SOOOO needed. I am here, like Donna has been, to share so that others may be able to learn and take heed.
It’s sad that these types of people are in our world. When love and caring and kindness should be the ‘norm’ we suddenly find ourselves having to stifle all of those wonderful qualities we SHOULD be sharing but are now conditioned to NOT share anymore. It’s a sad state of affairs when the ‘norm’ turns vile and tainted.
As for me and what life “I” have left: I choose to NOT live that way no matter how my ‘heart’ feels. I am learning to forsake those feelings of ‘kindness’, unconditional caring and compassion and trying so hard to not replace it with hate and disdain. It’s a thin line.
Thanks to all of you for making me feel welcome.
Your support and understanding means more than a lot.
May you all walk in light, love, safety and peace.
DUPED