If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
EB wow that sounds familiar. You cant save those who dont wanna be saved. I learned hard as well…
farwronged:
Nope and I don’t think any of them want to be saved unfortunately.
No they dont they only get a kick out of watching you try. Isnt it sick?
And try desperately. Very, very sick indeed.
eb;
I suspect OD — he was healthy for the year that I dated him. Did notice abdominal pain but never mentioned anything. He carried extra pounds but was not obese. He never consumed alcohol, pot, nor any drugs in my presence. But my gut feeling told him his sleepless nights were due to something else. He would only sleep for an hour or two. I will never know.
Good night everyone and thank you for letting me share.
Alina:
Sad. You will never know.
Goodnight to you, too and thanks for chatting with me.
Dear Duped,
Everything you describe so WELL can be applied to the ex spath in my life. She tried to kill me, wrecked my home and studio, destroyed my art works, books, and canvases,
Bled me dry emotionally mentally and financially for almost 30 years.I havent seen her for 3 years, NC for 2 years. I now no longer miss her, and my PTSD is starting to abate. I have less nightmares, and my life is becoming good.This horrible spath is my 46 year old daughter.
I cant begin to tell you how hard it is to give up on your own flesh and blood. Both my daughters are spaths.
I havent seen the second one for 18 years, and she has never allowed me to see any of her 3 children.,now15, 12, and 3 years old.Im so sorry for what you have gone through,what a nightmare, Im glad you are reclaiming your life!
Love,
Mama GemXX
Thank you Mama GemXX for your hugs.
I am so sorry that your daughters are this way.
I haven’t looked at my children real well but I thank God that they were and/or have not been the same way as my SPATH!
Oh yes, bled dry, emotionally. I can so relate.
It’s like they cut your soul out and leave you laying there bleeding to death, as they walk away laughing. Oh yes, I have heard and seen the laughter. It’s some kind of sick game they play with us. Finding humor in our disdain and laughter when we fall into their web.
Oh yes, nothing ‘genuine’. It’s sad; really sad. (((MamaGem))) You just remember that YOU have given your daughters all the love I am sure they have needed to get to their life. What people do with that love, from that point on, is all up to them. We can’t MAKE someone jump in line. They must want it for themselves. It is sad to give up on someone but sometimes it is all we can do, especially when they purposely try to kill you. Sometimes it is the best thing for you both. Run; fast…far and quickly.
Fortunately and blessedly FOR ME, I have four grown children who are just amazing people. I have two older sons, one of which lives quite near me, who is always ready for SPATHS visit, which was coming quite unannounced, most of the time. You know: the ‘stop by and make sure you are still being that nice, little compliant woman on the string’….
Alina: I read your posts and I am sooooooo sorry for the hurt you have been left with. Just know inside of yourself that in this lifetime, there ARE some things that will never have an answer for us. We must reach down, deep inside of ourselves to find all those answers and the ‘settling’ we need inside of ourselves, without them.
I know so well the pain you must be feeling because for the past five years of the 9 I have known my SPATH, I have had hundreds of different women (and I am not exaggerating) trying to contact me because of SPATH. Some of these women are not so very nice; ‘street’ women, without any sort of class. Yes, contacting me to whine they were ripped off somehow; blah blah blah. I have been confronted with soooo many different women and husbands my SPATH has conned in some way or another. And, I don’t just mean in my general area…I am talking NATIONWIDE. Imagine that. Unspeakable things. In fact, a HUSBAND contacted me once to tell me that when SPATH slept with his wife, he also lifted a great sum of money from the marital account. Oh yes, endless stories and people have paraded through my life in the time I have known him. And, I am not living this ‘roadshow’ filled with deceit, lies and manipulations. I AM BETTER and DESERVE BETTER and the answer is no!!!!!!!
I have had to lock myself down and in to keep away from it all. The sad part about it is that if I had DESERVED this kind of treatment, I could at least say to myself: “Hey, you know what? I was a horrible witch, I deserve it.” But, as we all know, without doubt, we have NOT deserved any of this kind of treatment and there is no excuse for it. When you approach SPATHS regarding this one simple issue: disrespect, you are told: “Stop whining – there are other women who don’t whine like you. So and so don’t whine. All you women in my life need to learn to get along with one another.”
Excuse me???!!! It all rests upon what WE accept and what we DO NOT. Just stop to think or ponder this: THEY ARE NOT WORTH GIVING UP OUR LIFE FOR. THEY WOULD NOT DO IT FOR YOU. IN FACT, THEY WOULD THROW YOU IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, TO FREE THEMSELVES, WITHOUT ANY CONSCIOUS, WHATSOEVER. It is a primal, survival, selfish thing. Spaths have no conscious.
They want us to BELIEVE they have conscious but stop and think and really look: do they? They are dogmatic and get only uglier and more mean when you don’t give them the attention they want. They want to always be the center of attention; anyones attention. Remember: it’s all about them, all the time. There is NO ROOM for your wants, likes or dislikes; as long as you go along with THEIR PROGRAM, they love you….the minute you don’t, be afraid for your life. Seriously.
My best friend; imagine that….my best friend purposely tried to kill me; admitted it to me, laughing and told me to ‘get over it’. Yes, imagine that. No, I do NOT ‘get over’ someone trying to purposely kill me and admitting it, laughing. Then two months later believes I should allow him in my bed again and we should marry after the divorce. We should live together; NOT BECAUSE HE LOVED ME but because HE SAW someone who unconditionally loved and cared for him and although he did NOT feel the same way (spaths don’t relate to our kind of emotions) why wouldn’t he WANT to be somewhere like that? My SPATH has a STABLE of women. I exaggerate NOT. STABLE. He keeps in touch with them all and sleeps with them all and plays them all against one another until they drop each other off and out of the scheme of his life so it is THEIR FAULT, not his, and all the time, he laughs and talks about how the only thing women want is sex and as long as he does good at that, he found he can get ANYTHING he wants. Yes, I have been inside that mind. I was ‘aware’ when I walked in, knowing SOMEWHAT what I was getting into but the more I opened that box….trust me, the nightmare became as huge as the devil himself. It will devour you if you do not get away from it.
AND I HAVE KNOWN THIS GUY FOR NINE YEARS!!!
I have never been anything but kind, loving and caring.
I mean: transitioning vet; right?
Transitioning vet who has a whole bunch of problems going on inside of him that I really don’t think he CAN change. Not this late in the stage of his life. Even if he wanted to change, he doesn’t know how and refuses treatment. Any treatment.
At least all of us are ‘searching’ for the answers. HE just doesn’t care.
You can tell who they are by the smell of high testosterone levels about them. Not one time has my SPATH come to visit me, where that smell of high testosterone has not permeated my entire apartment, FOR DAYS AFTER HE HAD BEEN HERE. He is a sex maniac. Picks women up off the internet and most of them are older, well to do women. He charms and seduces them and then has his way with them. TO HIM this is ‘love’. They live superficially and they act so well, they are whoever they want to be, whenever they want to be. They never accept any responsibility for anything in their whole lives. It is ALWAYS someone elses fault for their problems, where, the whole time, you are watching them and you see it is THEM. It’s THEM creating the chaos and turmoil. I don’t live in chaos and turmoil. I do not ‘do’ HITTING. I am a peace loving, gentle, quiet, person. NOW: a peace loving, gentle, quiet, person OUT OF MEDICAL NECESSITY.
Do you seriously believe that a FRIEND is a true FRIEND when they threaten your life; try to MURDER you on one occassion and leave you alone in your sadness TO DIE and then TELL YOU they hope you die?! But yet, THEY LOVE YOU? EXCUSE ME, to quote a “famous caveman”….”WHATTTTTTTTT??????????!”
Don’t let LOVE blind you. Keep your eyes open and don’t think GIVING IT ALL is going to change anything with a SPATH. To them, your kindness is laughable and they will only use you up and throw you away when they are done with you. Trust me; I know it’s true.
We are so careful about all of the other matters in our lives.
Why on earth would we give our love and affections to someone we need to ‘change’ in any way? THAT should be the first clue to a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in a relationship. We are so careful about all of the other areas of our lives except when it comes to the heart, we seem to jump in with both feet, sometimes, because we want that closeness, with all of our hearts, but there ARE PEOPLE who will use you and not care.
I will never believe, ever again, my SPATH has EVER ‘loved’ me.
But I can promise you ONE THING: He will never forget me.
And, I will NEVER SEE NOR SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN THAT IS NOT IN A COURT OF LAW. LAW seems to be the only thing a SPATH will back up and respect or pay attention to. They don’t like dark, damp, creepy cells. THEY LIVE to wreck havoc and destruction and the sooner you accept that, the better off you will become.
I am dying. They tell me I have maybe five years left but I don’t think it is going to be that long. This “man” *and I use the term loosely* has absolutely NO CONSCIOUS. It’s true and there ARE PEOPLE around us like that. Don’t let love blind you.
Oh yes, Alina: you sweet person; I feel your sorrow and your pain. Trust me…there were more than you care to know. It’s always that way with SPATHS. Sex to them is nothing more than our drinking a wine or smoking a joint. Sex has no importance to them other than using it to get what they want, whether it is the sex, money; whatever they can get. And they use your kindness as a weakness to have their way with you. When they run into problems with you, where you stand up and defend yourself and proclaim you are not going to tolerate it anymore or the relationship is finished, they try to kill or harm you on their way out the door. While saying: “What is wrong with YOU???!”
Alina: my heart is so with you. Put it behind you and move forward. I know that is easy to say and oh so hard to do but remember YOUR WORTH and WHO YOU ARE. All of that wasn’t you; was it? I mean, be honest and serious with yourself. Our affection for these people are UNDESERVED, if you just stop and really look at it good.
It was HIS RELATIONSHIP not yours.
Just like mine was HIS as well.
It’s always all about them. Always.
Make no mistake about that. If that were not true, they would not need us to fill their prescription for happiness.
To them, fulfillment of happiness is what you can do for them and they have no regard for you.
My prayers will be with you MamaGem and Alina.
If I can be a friend, you just let me know.
Put it all aside and get out of the house; force yourself to stop feeling poorly and take a nice deep breath and tell yourself: “Today is the day I am going to LOVE ME.” 🙂
Peace, love, light and Blessings to you all.
Yes: reclaiming my life after many years of being dragged through that dark hole.
Just remember: “love shouldn’t have to HURT. If it does, it is not love. If it is not there nor ‘right’ in the very beginning, it will never be right so cut your losses and find someone that will TRULY care for you, even if it is only YOURSELF!” 🙂 xxoo
Happy Tuesday My friends.
God loves you and so do I.
Wow! I just watched the prosecutions opening statement in the Casey Anthony murder trail.