If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
I am sorry but after the experience I just came through, five years worth of being slammed and disrespected for GOD KNOWS WHO, and there has been plenty of them, believe me…not including his most kind ex wife….I am sorry but I DO believe spaths hate women. The proof is in the way they have treated us.
My spath, I told you, he and I both were sexually abused as children – in my case, a family relative was the instigator. The difference between him and I is that HE was the instigator in his incestual relationship. He admitted so to me. He said that his family member had absolutely nothing to do with it.
And it was an ‘older female’.
I am sorry but I think these spaths are borderline criminal and depending upon what things they have done to us, it could be on one end of the scale or another. It is up to US to determine which or where they are on that scale. I am sorry but I am not the kind of person to take an “intentional attempted murder” sitting down and not taking any action.
I have modified my terms to this somewhat just so that I can have some peace before I die, in my life. But, I have made all the necessary arrangements for prosecution no matter what happens to me. I refuse to allow this spath, this pox on the earth, that good waste of flesh and breath, run his vile and criminal ploys on me any longer.
Oh yes, other women are always thrown in our faces to keep us in line, you see? A spath plays on our emotions and jealousy being the most of them. You ladies be careful out there who has an exspath who is throwing other women in your face…..they could be worse than your spath! I know, firsthand. You have NO IDEA who these people are but they sure know all about YOU!
I trust nobody and nothing anymore.
I do not date; hang out on the dating sites; I read and research…I have been researching for the past four years, all of this…legal and/or otherwise and I found the answers I was looking for. And then I made my move; I told HIM the way it was and you know violent tempered spaths don’t like that when they are talked down to by a WOMAN, least of all one who does not know as much as him. Especially one that he has lost control over. Um, have you guys noticed THAT trait, as well? Know it all, about everything, all the time and everyone else is stupid.
They are stage actors. Actually, they are better than stage actors. I believe NOTHING from a spath. The only reason I saw him one more time was because he said “I am sorry for hurting you and everything that has happened.” So, being the NICE person I am I agreed to see him one more time and made it quite clear that he was to be on his best behavior because this was going to be MY DETERMINING visit as to the future of our relationship.
He couldn’t handle it. And I made him leave.
And I told him to NEVER come back. EVER.
And I meant it then and I still do.
The call them kermudgens…..
Oh sure, I miss him; but I am lying to myself and so are you if you allow the sadness and depression in even full well knowing THEY ARE SOCIOPATHS. Do NOT feel sorry for them. Stop and remember all of the crap they have put you through. They are UNREDEEMABLE. There is no way to save them. SAVE YOURSELF.
What about being called other womens names in the middle of sex? How about that one? Hmmmm?
I could give you a whole list, if you would like. 🙂
And I was ‘expected’ to ACCEPT his lifestyle and if I didn’t like it I could just get the ‘you know what’ out of his life.
Well, I attempted that 3-4 times, actually, and it was never ME reigniting that flame…it was always him. He can’t go more than 3 or 4 months without talking to me and always finds some excuse or reason to do so.
The only reason he does this is because he is afraid of what I am doing and he thinks that just maybe he can sweet talk me into dropping all the charges I have that are stacking up on him. No. I am not this stupid anymore. I am not changing my mind. Period.
I do not make myself visible on any social sites.
I do not give him the privilege of stalking me there too.
And, believe me, the stalking has been over the top.
He always has others do it when he can’t do it for himself.
His good little ‘army of cleaners’…unsuspecting women from the internet….the one he is with now, he admitted he didn’t even know her REAL NAME for the first six months he knew and slept with her. He said he was there with her because he has no where else to go and can’t do it on his own. wah wah wah…but he sure could make it through three combat tours; huh? NO, I say; this is unacceptable to me and if they want to spend the rest of their lives being in trouble, everywhere they go, that is THEIR CHOICE and WE do not have to live within the chaos.
I am sorry. For me, it’s over and if he persists with me, I am going to take all legal action necessary to make him stop.
Hope your days are going well, everyone.
Mine is going as well as can be expected.
Love and best wishes to you all…
You can’t see me but I am here for you all…
The Angels of Grace are with us. 😉
DUPED
yes 92044,
ex-spath is evil incarnate. He could talk anyone into anything and everyone loved him all the way to their deaths.
I believe he killed several men through sabotaging their aircraft too. He owns a helicopter that he didn’t pay for by promising to pay the owner, his good friend, a little at a time. but he never had money, so he just offered to work on his friend’s other aircraft. Well that aircraft “accidentally” fell out of the sky and killed the friend. Now spath didn’t have to pay. He was always working on people’s aircraft without a license. He cultivated a reputation as a master mechanic who just couldn’t be bothered to get a mechanic’s license because (Pity ploy) he’s dyslexic and can’t pass the written test.
So when he worked on people’s aircraft, (bonding ploy)
it was always “their little secret” .
My spath is an evil, murdering, child raping, poisoning, sabotaging, perversion of humanity. And those are his good qualities!
I no longer look at what people do, but why they do it. There are so many layers. Look for the drama and you will find a spath.
Say this to yourselves:
I AM WORTH MORE THAN THIS. FROM THE KINDNESS IN MY HEART, I ALLOWED IT BUT NO MORE. I RESPECT MYSELF MORE THAN ALLOWING THIS TREATMENT TO CONTINUE.
Then remove yourself as clearly and matter of factly from the whole situation whether you have children or not.
It’s a disease and if you are around it long enough you will end up just like it. I refuse. He can take his sickness and share it with any other woman he wants; I do not care anymore. It is over. I am not going back into that dark hole in the ground that he dug for me and held me captive for years. Not just moments, days or weeks, I am talking YEARS. He controlled me so well, he had me doing things I could or would never BELIEVE was me doing them. Nothing criminal but certainly against MY OWN GOOD JUDGMENT.
Now; I am NOT going back to that hell ever again.
And the next time he intrudes on my peace and quiet, I am going to take full legal action and he has been so advised and I mean every word I say or I don’t say them.
That’s my stand.
There is no forgiveness.
There is no explanation that will ever fit the crime, for me.
It’s over. Period.
*HUGS TO ALL*
DUPED
You are being kind ‘evil incarnate’…..
Those webs of mass deception….
DUPED
Funny….
I don’t find ‘sexual flirtation’ as ‘cute’ as I did before I met spath…..wonder what’s with that? 🙂
Hugs duped… I am rooting for one to end up in jail for their heart crimes. In my case that’s pretty impossible… Nicaragua is not the country best known for its great justice system.
Found a song as the equivalent for Rollin’s Liar
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7NfmnIjacE
No, I don’t find it cute either anymore… It disturbs me now, and compliments feel like water gliding off a duck’s back to me these days.
I hear ya darwinsmom….
all those smooth words and sweet talk….
Talk about increasing my PTSD! Yikes!
Actually, though, I truly have found some relief of mind,
being here, learning, talking with you all, educating myself.
This is a huge breakthrough for me and we should all meet up somewhere and share a drink together and celebrate for me!
Thanks for the video (((((darwinsmom))))))))….
We are okay; it’s THEM that is messed up and then they wonder why their live is in the crap bucket all the time. 🙂
If you just never speak to them again, that is justice.
And it will give them their just rewards. They just won’t have you around to be nice to them anymore. They don’t find that often, you know.
If I can never be anymore to my spath, hopefully, with the help of the heavens, at least I will be that little beacon, somewhere down inside – that part of him that KNOWS the difference between right and wrong but just refuses to use it.
With THAT being neither here nor there, it’s best to just retrain your heart and your mind. mwahhhhh!!!! xxoo
Respect yourself more than allowing the abuse to continue.
We are strong; we can do this. If we don’t, they win.
It’s that simple.
Love to all….
DUPED
Dearest Duped, Sky. Oxy, and all of you,
Its a GORGEOUS sunny day here in Sydney, Australia! I hope and pray your all safe and well, esp. Hens, and Oxy,who I worry about re your geographical areas. Hope your all OK.
Duped, You write so WELL!! Id like to suggest you now call yourself “No Longer Duped,” or”Seen the Light!’ as once you know that you know, you are never ever the same!
Yes, we have all been thru hell and back, but you know the saying, “If your going thru hell, keep going!” Dearest Duped, Im so sorry to hear about your heart condition.
Im going to pray for you every night that God will totally heal you, I have faith that he will.He/She needs you right here on planet earth to help spread the word re spaths!
Most of you here have spath lovers,{men and women,}or ex husbands/wives, but there are a few of us with spath adult kids.I think it could be the worst kind of torture to
give up, finally, on your flesh and blood, and to realise, that NO they do NOT love us, can use us and throw us a way as casually as a use d kleenex tissue.This past 2 years , since I found Lovefraud, have been without question the hardest time of my life, far far worse than being beaten by my ex, my divorce,no money, etc.But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now, and know its not an oncoming train!
Im starting to wake up each morning without my stomach clenched in nameless dread, knowing I am SAFE, and spath free, as long as I stay total NC. And this means no Facebook, no contact with Son in law,{who isnt talking to me anyway since I “outed” my spath D, his wife,} for her many lies, and caused her to get the sack from yet another job. I havent seen olde r spath Ds kids in 2 years, and never met the other spath Ds kids ,ever.
Yes, its very hard not to see my Gkids, but my emotional and mental and physical health is NUMBER ONE now.
I figure, the people who DO love me, like my new adopted kids from Iran, my loving husband, my few dear friends, including all you guys on LF, I am SO BLESSED to have all this love! I do believe that as we give with no expectation to people who love us, the universe rewards us in so many ways.I REFUSE to be made to feel guilty for “outing”my daughter and her lies, and her getting the sack. Its called Tough Love.Although I do admit to feeling very little love for either of my daughters now, maybe a bit, I am still their Mum.The kindest thing I can do, and I HAVE done it, is totally let go of them, let them make their own mistakes, their own bad karma is catching up with them fast.I dont talk about them much with regular friends, most of them simply DONT “get it”, and when I do confide in them, I sense they are thinking,”It takes two, what did she do to them?” NO IT DOESNT take two! I gave them everything, and more, I poure d out love, cash, forgiveness, kindness, hospitality,gifts, support, on and on for 30 years, and looking back I cannot think of even ONE kind, loving selfless, compassionate thing either of them ever did for me or David.Not one. Claire refusing to visit my darling husband in Hospital,refusing to even do some washing up when we both had flu and were literally too weak to put a kettle on to boil.Getting obviously 2nd hand gifts for xmas,some still with “remaindered copy ,not forresale” stamped on them!The insults, the snide remarks, the haughty,patronising behaviour,not turning up for lovingly prepared meals, on and on.NO MORE of any of that, thank God.!!
Time to move on, life is very short, I am 72 years young, and I have much to live for and be grateful for.
{{HUGGS!!} to ALL of you, I love you all.We may not be where we want to be, but look how far weve come!!
Love,
Mama GemXXX
OMG! I’m so going to fix this when I get my own puter!! UGH!!
It’s LL here. Wow, duped. You’ve been through the shitter.
Lots I could comment on if I had the time, but I don’t. Good for you!
((((((((((((((((((((Mama ))))))))))))))) always encouraging to others! LOve you!
((((((((((((((( ox ))))))))))))))))))) I’m praying that you have a lower level underground to call home with all this tornado crap. I’m so sorry for those who have lost their lives. it seems neverending. Worrying about you and hoping you’re okay!
(((Hens )))) I have more pics of the wiener to send in his new sweater when I get a puter. Hope you’re in a safe place too and the wieners with you!
Great thread! ((((((((((((((( sky ))))))))))))))))))) As always, you are the SPATHINATOR!
LL