If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
(((Mama Gem))),
you are an inspiration. You’ve grown and healed so much, it shows that there is hope after contact with the spaths.
LL, shhhh.. why can’t anyone keep a secret around here?
🙂
skylar:
Wow, that is all I can say. I really don’t know what else to day except that I feel so bad you had to go through all that. Peace to you…
darwinsmom and Duped:
I feel the exact same way now about sexual flirtation. It doesn’t do a thing to me now. It is like I am “dead” in that area. I also no longer find it “cute.” I am so indifferent.
eb: ‘indifferent’ that is a great word to explain the feelings we are left with. BUT: I am happy to announce that when I woke this morning, for the first time in just about five years, I actually awoke with just a little bit of a spark inside my heart for the life I now have that is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
majorlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy peaceful and quiet, without all that insanity about me.
Mama Gem is not the only one healing around here. 🙂
I love you all and think you are amazing people.
I pray for you every night that the hurt will leave your hearts and you will put this horrid experience behind you and find peace.
*BIG HUGS TO MY NEW TEAM*
DUPED
Duped, darling, remember your new name is”Seen the Light!!OK? Love you. Sky, love you too babe! Thanks for your encouraging comments! LL, love you too!
I cry because I had a bad day, and then I remember, i used to have BAD YEARS!! Were on our way, and were doin OK!! Were the A team!!
Yes, Virginia there IS life after spaths!!
Peace to all of us! Love to Hens, Oxy, onejoy, eb, eb 2, Kimmy, ALL of us!!
Mama GemXX
DUPED:
Yippppeee!!! Good for you! I am sure it feels so great to open your eyes and he is not your first thought!!! That is fantastic!
I keep being amazed over and over by reading something here and realizing it is something that I have said before. I had told my spath in a letter that I will know I have healed when he was no longer the first thing I thought about when I opened my eyes in the morning and the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep at night. I know I was so stupid for pouring out all these feelings to him and I did question myself before I did it, but the conclusion I came to was this: I would rather let him know how I feel and let him know the warm, giving, feeling person I was than to go to my grave or him to his grave and me not have let it all out. Whether he accepted it or not or whether he felt anything at all is not for me to worry about. I got it all out and do not regret it.
An SPATH’s dictionary:
I am sorry: they want something from you.
I love you: and everything you can do for me.
I will always be here: to drive you completely insane and after that, I will try to murder you. Maybe. I might play with you a while longer first because it is so amusing to me.
DECEPTION and PLOYS, all of it.
How much do you listen to it before you just can’t stand it anymore? I can tell you what MY limit was: five years and having potshot after potshot taken towards me.
Yes, I guess I have been through a lot and there is still A LOT I haven’t shared with you all as yet because I can’t for legal reasons. If you only knew what these eyes have seen and been through. I am almost ashamed to admit some of the things I did for love. As I said, never anything criminal, but I sure did lower my standards a whole lot just by continuing to associate with a person like that.
But, yes, I was DUPED into believing he was a decent, kind person until the frays around the edges starting doing more than ‘fraying’. Trust me. We never lived together and that was a good thing. I always forbid it. I have spent my whole life it seems trying to grow a ‘quiet spot’ all my own, just for me, without relationships. A place where I can stand on my own and don’t ever have to answer to another person, ever, for anything.
I have worked hard, my lifelong, to change my life so that I can be LEFT ALONE with my thoughts now. I am not going to have it ruined by someone like spath. If HE can’t control himself, “I” can: WATCH THIS. 🙂
That’s right and when you do that, stand up for yourself, suddenly, they are like little children, whining and clamoring for you to come back. They can’t make it without you: they promise they will put a bullet in their head if you go…
Right: please……….spaths NEVER harm themselves; trust me. They will harm another person before they harm themselves.
Anyways, thanks for listening. I hope someone, somewhere, is finding something in this craziness I am spewing. Sometimes I make even MYSELF sound like poor old Charlie Sheen. 🙂
Hope everyone is having a good night and that JUST MAYBE there might be a LITTLE smile on your faces.??
Lovely evening to you all…
DUPED
mama gemmers – long time no see….
Duped has her big girl britches on towanda ~! Ya know it’s been 3 years nc for me and I regret all the energy wasted on thinking about and analyzing him.. It really has been theraputic for me, but he just opened the door for me to become a better man and avoid pond scum/bar trash like him.. I dont hurt anymore – not at all, maybe some anger now and then but ya know life goes on – flush the turds and find yourself, you are what matter’s most, we have to flush all the turds of our past and live…..
Hey there LL – I am doing fine, wieners are fine, it’s open season for frogs now, i have to check my bed at nite to make sure they have not brought me a present..
Hi, Hens darlin, how are you doing? Glad your safe and well with the precious wieners!Thats so funny that they leave frogs in your bed! {You already kissed the worst of the frogs, and it didnt turn into a Prince, LOL!!}
Stay safe!
Love, Mama GemXXXXXXXXXXXXX
hahahahahaha @....... hens…..
this is for YOU sweetcakes for saying I had my ‘big girl britches on’….you got a genuine belly laugh with that one, hens. mwahhhhhhhh! xxoo
3 years NC…I cant seem to get past 3 MONTHS without him going bazonkers and trying some ploy to WORM his way back into my world and it isn’t going to happen anymore. I am ON TO HIM NOW and he should be sufficently ashamed enough by the things I last said to him but he won’t be because you see: spaths are sick people who don’t know they are sick. They are in denial. If they weren’t, they would wake up and do something about themselves. They don’t relate that there just may be just a little something different and that perhaps they should walk lightly instead of trying to bazooka things?
Anyways, yes, it’s pointless to keep analyzing and analyzing; isn’t it hens? All it does it get my blood pressure up and that’s not good for heart/stroke. Don’t hurt hens…you sound like a wonderful person. I am sure you can find much better. 😉 I know I sure can and if not, then nothing is lost; right? Sure, it gets lonely being alone all of the time but sometimes I think there are people in this world just meant to walk alone and I sincerely believe I am one of those people.
It’s strange but I have never NEEDED a companion. It would be nice to have a friend, like I THOUGHT I had until he blinked out on me…but it isn’t necessary. I have been self-sufficient since the age of 16 and have not only taken care of myself and mine but a whole lot of others along the way.
SPATH included; that idiot box. 🙂 By the way, that’s my nickname for him: IDIOT BOX…even my counselor calls him by that name now; I thought maybe you might find that amusing. It still makes me laugh everytime I say it. 🙂
Anyways, carbs must be getting to me…time for a nap.
You guys stay sweet.
Time to take off my big girl britches now and mosey off to nigh night….sweet dreams, my friends….tomorrow is another day. Anyone do relaxation techniques? If anyone is interested, I know a few I can direct you to on UTUBE…just hollah…. mwah! xxoo
Sleep well my dearest friends.
DUPED