If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
please don’t click on the above link folks. and let’s get our garden on.
Hi there, I’ve just come across this site and upon reading it just realised my now ex must of been a sociopath. He was and still is good looking, charming, and know the right things to say. He can turn the tears on when things go wrong at the flick of a switch. I was with him just over two years and for the first couple of months it was great. I was head over heals in love with him.
I noticed his anger first when i went out with friends and didn’t reply straight away to his texts. With his anger he started throwing thing but at first it was only on the odd occasion. I forgave him as he said it wouldn’t happen again. Then about a year ago i found out he had been sleeping with his ex behind my back thats when the big trouble started. He disappeared for days at a time going down the woods texting me he was going to kill his self if i don’t go and look for him. I was looking for him early hours in the morning on my own with the fear i would find his dead body. He did this for weeks, coming back for a couple of days then going off again and each time i went to look for him. He took my car keys, passports, my mobile phone, anything and everything to have control over me. He locked me out of my own house. I realised he was texting me from a warm bed while i was out looking for him. He didn’t harm himself once it was all talk to see if i would go the lenghts he asked me to. which i did. After a time a gave up and thought well if hes going to do it hes going to do it.. He must of realised that wasn’t working with me anymore and he did actually stop his suicide treats and returned to normal. I thought great that part of our lives is finally over. He said he was sorry and that he had everything with me apart from a baby. As i was so in love with him and thought he had changed i got pregnant and was over the moon.
Then the worst that could happen did. In the middle of March 2011, he had gone in a mood over an argument with his ex. he went to the pub and got drunk as usual. He always got drunk when things didn’t go his way. He returned to me in this state and tried to pick an argument. I didn’t fall for it and said i was going to bed. At this stage i was 5 months pregnant. He followed me upstair still trying to pick a fight so i just ignored him. It turned out it could of been the worse thing i could of done because out of the blue he went down stairs and grabbed a large kitchen knife, rolled me onto my back, sat on my pregnant belly and put the knife to my throat saying he was going to kill me. For a split second i thought he was and my other two children were in there bedrooms and all i could think of is there going to wake up in the morning and see there dead mum on the bed. After a couple of minutes he stopped. I got up, woke my other two children up and got out of the house as quickly as possible. The next morning he went and stayed at his mums. Four days later i started bleeding and had to go to hospital. I lost my little boy. He was perfect.
One thing i’m really struggleing with is that i had him back even after this happened, i just kept telling myself he was drunk he didn’t mean it. He left me again 4 days after thomas died and slept with someone else straight away. I have seen him on the odd occasion but i’m struggling to let go as i feel I love him so much. I should hate him after what he has done. I’ve lost my baby and i feel like i’m not even thinking about that part. My mind is always on him. Whats wrong with me. Why am i missing him so much after what he has done. He keeps telling me he has changed but i don’t believe him for one minute. He blames everything and everyone for his actions but never himself. So if i don’t believe him why can’t i move on. I need help PLEASE xxxx
Dear Jennifer,
He fits the CLASSIC description of a socio/psycho-path and you fit the classic description of a VICTIM…but only you can change that. He will NEVER CHANGE, but you CAN CHANGE, you can heal.
I’m glad that you found this site and I hope that you will continue to read here. Go to the archives (on the left side of the screen) and read the articles in each category and learn. Knowledge is power and you need all you can get.
NO CONTACT with him is the only way to go, if you listen to his lies and his made up stories, you will allow him back into your life.
This man killed your child, and he may kill you and leave your other children without a mother. Listen to your HEAD not your heart, as your heart is “trauma bonded” to him….the love/hate relationship, but only YOU can rescue yourself from this relationship and this man, but we (lovefraud bloggers) are here to support you, to hold your hand. You are NOT alone, but we cna’t reach through the screen and do it for you, you must do it for yourself. God bless and give you strength. Again, welcome to LoveFraud!
Jennifer,
You need to research and understand the trauma bond.
google it.
trauma bond is like an addiction.
An abuser will begin by love bombing you, placing you on a pedestal, making you feel “over the moon” ON PURPOSE. He needs you to feel this way so that when he changes and begins to abuse you, it will hurt all the more because you lost what you had. Just like any drug pusher, the abuser needs to give you the first one for free, just to get you hooked. But the abuser doesn’t just take it away, he also adds injury by becoming the opposite of what you were used to. This makes no sense, so you don’t react to protect, instead you attempt to understand – but it’s senseless because it is all planned to confuse you. This first part is called “putting you on a pedestal and knocking you off”.
Once the pain and anguish is unbearable, the abuser comes back to soothe your pain. He provides the salve to your wounds. The relief is so great that you forget that he CAUSED the wounds. So now you have this painkiller which you are dependant on. He will continue this cycle of abuse and rescue. That’s how they addict you to them. Only you can say : F**K YOU! to that. Refuse to cooperate, refuse to participate in the whipsaw effect.
You might ask WHY does he do this?
Part of it is the feeling of power and control over another person’s emotions. Part of it is that he really hates you. He envies you for having emotions which he doesn’t. Another part is addiction to drama. He needs your emotions because the drama is attention and he needs attention to feel that he exists. Without attention, he doesn’t feel he matters. And if he doesn’t matter, like all infants, he could be forgotten and die.
None of this is logical, it’s all emotional baggage.
It doesn’t really matter. He is sick and will NEVER GET BETTER.
Jennifer,
It will not stop and will only get worse unless you are lucky and he leaves you. This will hurt but the best possible outcome.
I’m sorry you lost your baby. Now you must protect the little ones you still have.
I went no contact when mine was 5 weeks. Got a restraining order and moved forward the best I could. I know you are confused, lost, obsessed, wanting to understand, ect. You are not crazy. Please understand he will not change.
Protect yourself. Gain knowledge and be prepared.. For example call the police if he harasses you. Get a restraining order…
I know it’s hard.. It’s been 10 months on my end and I still have very bad days where I feel I’m spinning around like a dizzy woman.
Eventually it does get easier. Minutes turn to hours, hours into days, days into weeks, and weeks into months.
Try to find a therapist. Mine has helped me so much.
Love yourself enough to say no more bullshit.
These words will hurt but he doesn’t love you and probably never did. Who would do that if they really loved you? Also remember it’s not you!! It’s him. Get away while you can. Get a gameplan going and try to stick to it.
Welcome to LF! Sorry you need to be here!
Jennifer, there is a very good book, The Betrayal Bond, which you can order from lf or amazon, etc.
basicly, your thinking has been corrupted – it’s like stockholm syndrome, where the hostages identify with their hostage takers and can fall in love with them.
there is however, a cure for this: start reading and learning; stay 100% no contact with him (that includes others talking to you about him, looking at his facebook page, blocking his phone number and email, etc.); recognize that it will take a lot of time to get out of the FOG (fear obligation guilt); and really truly put yourself and your kids first.
i have lived part of what you did – that whole searching for them when there is a threat of suicide – i know how you were played and it’s just fucking twisted and cruel. he is an emotional sadist – he got off on your suffering.
You can heal from this, and he can’t. He is once and forever a toxic person who will try to kill the spirit and possibly the boy of any woman who loves him. Stop loving him.
Jennifer – My X would cut his wrist ( not deep enough to die ) would overdose on pills ( not to many to actually die ) but this was his way of creating drama and getting attention and making me feel sorry for him ( it worked for awhile ) yep he was in control and bonding me deepy with the trauma. I lost my identity, I almost died from stress, and when I made him leave ( so many times ) the last and final time I felt such a huge feeling of loss. When I changed numbers, locks, refused to answer the door he finally got bored and went away. They have no limit’s and will dance as long as you are willing, it gives them pleasure to see us suffer, if they can keep us intangled with them they feel all powerful, it’s about power and control, even when they cut their wrist and cry tears they are acting because they are empty souls, they only feel alive when they are creating chaos… Please order a book called ” Meaning from Madness ” by Richard Skerritt…welcome to lovefraud and I promise you will get through this and be a better person because of this,,,hang on and go NO Contact FOREVER.
hello verklempt hens. and vhy are you verklempt tonight?
thinking about the ‘stare’….my spath, who i never saw, but who stole hundreds of pics that she used to pretend to be the fake boy – said that ‘he’ was very shy and only would look people in the eye if a picture was being taken….hardly talked in real life, talked to me more than anyone, blah blah blah blah blah…
also said that ‘he’ had been diagnosed with ADHD, aspberger’s, multiple personality disorder, blah blah blah blah blah…
and i made it my job to say, OH NO, you are kind, noble, blah blah blah blah…f*** i hate that woman.
and she used to say he was ‘prey’…jayzus, everything she said about ‘him’ was actually about her prey. #$%^&*()(*&^%$#@.......#$%&