If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
MissLed
Good to see this article again. It’s one of my favorites. Basically a reminder of WHY we should Move on and not look back.
If I did needlepoint I would be sewing right now so I could hang it up and frame it. Maybe that would help me.
MoonDancer
onejoy – i think you are the verklempt one – girl you have got to let go of some of this insanity that woman placed in your mind – stop trying to analyze the insane – he said she said he she boy girl JAYSUS – you need to go on Dr Phil and let him sort out your verklemptedness
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hens, i am writing it down, my dear that IS letting it go. keeping it secret it holding on to it.
and yes, i am terribly verklempt, but not so much to do with the spath.
and re dr. phil – wash your mouth out with soap – he’s some kind of messed up.
MissLed
I’m thinking to find a counselor at this point. I’ve tried to get through this darkness on my own and I just don’t think I can do it alone. I really don’t understand why it’s taking so long even though I now know the truth about him and how he was only trying to use me.
MissLed
He is a high functioning S and fits almost every characteristic. I just don’t understand how I didn’t figure him out way back when (4 years ago met)
Ox Drover
Missled, you didn’t figure him out because he wore a MASK and he hid his true self behind that mask of a loving person. It is only after they have us emotionally hooked (like a fish on a line) that we begin to see the true them.
Because by that time we love them, we make excuses for their bad behavior, and we keep up a hope that they will change back into that wonderful person (the mask) that we saw at first. They never do.
It is not about you in particular, they treat everyone the same way. They can’t be any other way, they can’t change, they can’t improve, they can’t understand and they can’t love or care for others, only pretend to. They have no conscience. No empathy.
Keep on reading and learning, it will help you heal.
panther
Is excess testosterone a sociopath trait? My ex told me that a doctor told him he had much more testosterone than the average.
Also just wondering…if my ex hits all of these points, ever single one, to the EXTREME would that make him an uber-path? These bullet points read like the MILD way of explaining him.
Donna Andersen
Panther – yes, excess testosterone is certainly a sociopathic trait. Both male and female sociopaths have extremely high levels of testosterone.
panther
Wow, Donna. Well, that makes sense. He lied a lot, but I think what he said about his testosterone was true. He was like a walking missile, seething this intensity like a steam he couldn’t ever let off enough…there was always more to burn. People moved out of his way when they saw him coming down the street (and he loved this response and talked about it a lot).
When I look back, it was SO obvious from day one.
Recovering
Is there any correlation between adhd and sociopaths? My spath said he add but was this just a way to excuse his behavoir? Did he really mean to say I have apd? 🙂 I know he knew something was quite wrong with him a times. Sometimes he’d stare at me white I’d watch a film and if I’d enjoyed it I’d smile. He’d always ask are you happy. Almost like he wanted that feelings for himself. His family knows he’s disordered yet they still enable him. ????