If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Has there been a custody decision? If not, then I would not worry about it you have as much right to take the child as someone who lives together does. By the same token he could do this too…but I would ASK MY ATTORNEY BEFORE I DID it just to be safe. Since there are laws about parental kidnapping and it is serious enough that I wouldn’t want to RISK IT.
I would think (again check with your ATTORNEY) that he couldn’t hold any objection that was worth anything if you took her unless there is a custody agreement that says otherwise in place. BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY, ASK ATTORNEY. He is says okay, get that opinion in writing, like in an e mail.
They are to be pitied because their exitsence must be so empty. No matter how much I read, how much I explore, and how much I absorb that informs me about the spaths, I still cannot reconcile the fact that they cannot experience simple joy or sorrow or agape.
My most recent experience with a female spath had a glaring red flag that I more-or-less ignored, and it went like this:
Spath: “I’m so tense.”
Me: “Try deep breathing.”
Spath: “What’s that?”
Me: “Think of something that makes you feel happy, close your eyes, and control your breathing. What is it that makes you feel happiest in all the world?”
Spath: “Money.”
Me: “That’s not what I meant. Is there something that makes you glow inside?”
Spath: “Yeah, money! I love money.”
Now, this actually occurred, and I actually allowed myself to believe that she was just joking. Of course, I was thinking along the lines of birds twittering in the trees, the smell of spring, the sound of water, etc…. As it turned out, she really wasn’t! Today, it would be comical if she weren’t such a danger.
Buttons,
Your story would be funny if it weren’t so creepy.
I don’t know that they deserve pity really. What they’ve never experienced they don’t miss and the socios I’ve known are quite happy, oblivious to life’s problems. IMO they are dangerous, all of them, even the ones that aren’t murderers or even thieves. But actually they do is steal from others and I don’t mean money.
I can see both sides of the fence here. I have LOTS of experience dealing with Sociopaths. Too bad I didn’t know what I’ve been dealing with all of my life. I’ve been trying to “help” them and change them for MANY years…starting with my Socio mom…and my socio sister. I always knew that both were “sick” and unhappy, and I felt sorry for them…I did SO much for my sister AND my mother …only to have them use me abuse me more and more and then stab me in the back! OVER and OVER. Then, starting at an early age, I began picking men who were THE SAME!!!
I ended up marrying the WORST socio ever of all of them and having 3 children with him.
Finally, after 7 years of marriage, I said to him” I took abuse my whole life from my mother and seven years with YOU, and I’M NOT TAKING IT ANYMORE!!!!! I had ENOUGH!”
I divorced him, knowing I’d be on my own with 3 kids totally…no financial help, etc…It was SO difficult, but it was better than staying with him and letting him abuse me more and more AND my girls!! I did it! And, I’m still raising them alone!
Then after 7 years of raising them, with NO MAN in my life…I finally got involved WITH ANOTHER SOCIOPATH!!!
Ok, this is what I make of all of this:
I learned that all of them, from Mom, to sister, to b/f’s, to husband…..ALL of them are DAMAGED DISORDERED people, who are genetically damaged as well as environmentally damaged….and they DON’T CHANGE!
My mom was 67 when she died of cancer in 2002. She was still abusive till the minute of her death! My sister is 50 and has NEVER changed! I cut her out of my life several times and the last time was recently FOR GOOD.
My Xhusb and b/f are STILL the same…both had similar backgrounds…both had father’s that were socios and both are going on with thier lives, using and abusing people….and always will till THEY leave the earth!
Yes, I feel sorry for them…because all of them are in pain from their childhoods and genes…but they are all also EVIL and continue to hurt people over and over. They are ALL ALIKE in so many ways, especially using people over and over and also abusing them..and moving from one vulnerable person to another!
Now that I am AWARE and EDUCATED about this “mold”, I have CHOSEN to consciously stay away from these people as well as weed out newcomers I meet in my life who are like them. I have NO room for them in my life and do NOT want to deal with them ever again. If you aren’t “healthy”, I don’t need you in my life…thats my new philosophy!
Now, about ME. I have spent a year reading and leaving my last socio…getting reeled back in a few times…and now, as of February of this year…It’s over and I’ve been working hard on ME…to build my self esteem up, to get STRONG so that I can feel good and bring ONLY HEALTHY PEOPLE into my life!
LIVE AND LEARN…I LEARNED>finally.
I don’t mean “pity” in the sense that I feel sorry for them, at all. I mean that it must be a very, very empty world that they live in. The spath is the Emperor and only resident in their world. An empty, empty existence.
I googled the definition of pity ! 🙂
Pity – sympathetic sorrow for one suffering, distressed, or unhappy.
compassion: the humane quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it
I do pity my ex…whether he is personality disordered, toxic, an N/S/P, pathological liar, or someone who is unable to love..etc..etc…
I guess the confusion is – I dont wish to do something about it — for him, to help him…
I simply just have pity and empathy for his life, lifestyle and way he will die. Lonely and alone.
All by his doing, his choice. Still I pity evil people, whether they are Evil by choice, by training, by circumstance or by genetics.
I wish to educate other women, teenagers about the red flags of toxic people, potential partners in hopes of changing the statistics of good decent people getting involved with and staying involved in unhealthy relationships.
ATAGIRL, LEARNING!!!! educate, educate, educate!!!!
And, may I just say this: this is the best site/forum/blog with regard to sociopathy that I’ve seen, yet. I started a forum on a holistic site about 6 years ago, and it does not have the support, encouragement, or education that this one provides.
Buttons,
Thanks for clarifying!
Oops the above was for ‘learning’, sorry, again thanks for clarifying.
Learning, you don’t “have” to do anything about the spath’s suffering. You didn’t cause it, you can’t fix it, and the spath doesn’t even realize what suffering truly means. They only “suffer” when they are separated from their source targets.