If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Libra,
Your spath seems to have different objectives: to get money from you, to make you hate his family, etc..
The reality is, it boils down to one objective: watching you jump through hoops gives him a sense of validation and a thrill.
If you gave him a million dollars and you kept one for yourself, he would want the 1 dollar. With a spath you can never give enough and it never ends because it is about addiction.
You asked if they have addictions and the answer is yes. They are addicted to other peoples emotions. Your emotions validate him as a person. Your subservience is proof to him that he is important. Everytime you believe his lies, it proves to him that he is powerful. You supply him with all of that. The problem is that he cannot supply that for himself as a normal person could. He needs you to do that for him. He is dependent and addicted to that.
Libra, Sky is exactly right. They are addicted to power – the power they have over you. I remember after I broke up with my s’path, he appeared at a public function where he knew I’d be. He stood very close to me at various exhibits but never said a word. I ignored him, but went home and cried my eyes out because I BELIEVED THAT THIS MEANT HE REALLY LOVED ME. It took a session with a savvy and intuitive counselor to educate me that this was actually a power play. He wanted to see that he could still have power over me. Thank God I didn’t contact him after that. I was so close to it. They are not capable of real love and caring. In your case, I haven’t even read about any situations where he even pretended to care. It seems like one con after another. Some of them at least act caring every once in a while to keep their victims hooked. I guess he knows you are already hooked, so he doesn’t need to do anything to maintain it. His mask is already off and he acts like a monster – lying and conning everyone. By your descriptions of his life, he doesn’t even sound like a grown man.
OH MY GOODNESS: THE DRAMA IS OVERWHELMING!
ARE YOU SURE IT IS NOT MY EX SPATH????
The best thing I ever did for myself was to go NC 8 months ago and I just don’t get in the sandbox and play no more.
That’s the end of it. Especially after all the threats!
And, if it doesn’t stay away from me and my life, I will make it stay away from me and my life. Enough is enough. Life is way too short to live it in constant drama, chaos and dysfunction. I have spent my whole life RUNNING FROM dysfunction, not inviting it to move into my territory! Life is meant to be lived with as little emotional turmoil as is possible and with spaths, it’s all about the drama. Once you cut them out of your plan, they just (eventually) move on and find someone new to torment. Trust me. Without a second glance back. Unless you get a violent one, then they kind of hang around and like inflicting themselves and more of their torment on you, periodically.
I just got to the point where I refused to play the game any longer. That was the end of it. I took advantage of being able to see him, one last time, and I made myself heard and understood and I meant every word I said. I will never change my mind although he continues trying to but in. I have given him ample chances to explain himself yet he is just so unstable…I hope and pray every day that he is getting some kind of treatment. I can’t do it anymore. None of it. My very life depends on not allowing it all around me anymore.
I left EVIL behind me when I slammed that door and I know I did. And that’s too bad because “IT” made all the choices.
Liars, scammers, manipulators…without conscious…
Dupey
Dupey Doo Dippity Doo…..some folks just love hangin on to the drama dont they..not you or me cuzz we be free ~! Hugz to my Dupey Dupster..enjoy your day…
I’m joining in late, but the dog story is a really good example of the lengths they will go to with a lie. That’s what most “common folk” don’t get. The word lie just doesn’t cover what they do. Like everything, a spath’s lying is like a lie on steroids.
The lengths that the go to to plan these things is just something that we have a hard time wraping our brains around.
My daughter was living in another state, came home for Christmas visit. She casually mentioned having her purse stolen at a restaurant a week or so before, causually mentioned her ID and checkbook from a closed account were in said purse. Casually and in part of a conversation, not big deal thing.
ONE YEAR LATER, I get a call from the other state, from jail. She was arrested for going on a shopping spree at WalMart and writing out three checks totally over $2,500 from a closed account. She was hysterical, her story was hubby must have written out the checks and forged her name. Ofcourse, she was totally innocent. Send $2,600 cash bail immediately. Called back about an hour later, she had just remembered, out of the blue, that her purse had been stolen one year before. That was when the shopping spree took place. The people that stole her purse must have used her checks and ID. She said, you remember I told you last Christmas about it. I filed a police report, I can prove it. Please send $2,600 so I can get out of jail.
You guessed it, loving trusting parents that we were and ofcourse we did remember the solen purse incident, sent $2,600 cash money order which turned out to be not bail, but actually paid off the amount that was stolen and thus cleared the charges.
She was asked to swear in an affidavid that it was not her signature, warned by prosecutor that if she lied in affidavid she would be again jailed, she refused. She admitted it, she had written out the checks. But now Walmart had the money and didn’t press charges.
This scam was a year in the planning stages, this lie went on for a year. The lie on steriods and ofcourse it worked.
I may add that a week after being swindled out of $2,600, she told us to F*** off, that we had never done anything for her and she disappeared for 4 months. When she reappeared, she had been arrested for DUI and assault and was pregnant.
Drama and lies, only we need to come up with a better, more appropriate word, because lying just doesn’t quite cover it.
(((Henry)))
Ya gots that right, Henry: we are free….
freer than a bird in flight…
NO MORE DRAMA FOR ME.
I would much rather be bored.
Love ya Henry ~ Happy Day~!!!!!
Dippity Doo Duhhhhhhh
Henry: Since you were the one who originally tagged me dupey, I felt that the word deserved it’s own definition, so,
I submitted it to the Urban Dictionary and they decided to publish it and you all can check it out…
http://www.urbandictionary.com/confirm.php?code=715f2820ff
“I” am NOW in the dictionary under the word dupey…
Hopefully it will do a little good????
(((Henry: you rock!))) Just keep being the amazing person you are and I just KNOW you will be A-OK.
MiLo: You are right, drama and lies doesn’t do the explanation of evilness justice in adequately defining it.
Dupey
Aw Dupey, that is awesome!!!
WOW DUPE that is AWESOME!!! You are now famous!!!!
GREAT!!!!
Hey, why don’t you submit TOWANDA!!! to them as the war cry of the smart and powerful survivors!!! LOL
Thanks strongawoman and Ox….
Yah, some infamy; hm?
I would rather be famous for another reason.
Hey, Ox, why don’t YOU submit it to them?
Then you can adequately define ‘TOWANDA’. 🙂
*Sunday Hugs you Guys & Dolls*
dupey