If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Wow Dupey ~ you have been published – how awesome is that –
I would like to be the first to say – this is just the beginning for you girl, the sky is the limit.
((((Super Dupey))) Too Skool for Kool. Can’t wait for Henry to read this. Made my day. Shalom
Dupey…that’s awesome!
Milo, I’m sorry to hear about your daughter and how she has treated her family. Not even family is safe from cons. That is awful. And, after you paid the $2600 she then told you to F*** off, that’s my Spath right there. I never could understand how he could go from being nice and appreciative and saying I love you in the morning to F***you I’m done with you, I hate you and your BS. Leave me alone. And, then the next day the cycle would repeat when he needed me again. It’s an exhausting process.
Today, is DAY 2 of no contact for me. And, it’s hard! My stomach feels anxious and nervous and I keep watching my phone waiting to see a message or hear it ring. Yesterday, he sent a text after not talking to me from the day before (blew up at me, got out of the car at the stoplight, lied to me about what/where he was going, etc.) and, it simply read “I thought you said you were disconnecting my phone”. And, I didn’t respond. So, he sent 1 more text. “I’ll just do it myself”. Well, I doubt he will do it..but, I hope he does. I know I have been advised to disconnect the phone but, I’m concerned that if I do he will retaliate with blackmail. (Something I did to help him, but he threatened me in the past about it)
The dog story, looking back..I should have gone downstairs to see if there was really a dead dog in his truck. That information could have answered alot of my questions.
Just a few added facts: I’m 39, he’s 31. He was living at home with his mom, claimed it was his house but he couldn’t kick her out. Then he moved in with me when she ‘evicted’ him from that residence. How could she evict him if he owned it? I don’t know this whole year has been so confusing with no clear answers!
Libra,
In Belgian inheritance law you can own a house and be unable to evict a parent. It’s called fruit use. When a parent dies, and his or her children inherit the posessions, the widow or widower gets to have fruit use of those possessions (home and furniture inside the home), without having to pay rent, and free to decide who lives there or not. It’s a protection against abuse… Let’s say it’s a second marriage… the 2nd partner who isn’t the parent of the children cannot steal their inheritance, but the children cannot make the 2nd partner homeless either.
TOWANDA on you for your 2dn day of No Contact. Stay strong. A few tips: whenever you feel in doubt of your decision, when memories of the sweet moments come rushing back… try to actively remember the very bad awful moments. Something that worked really well for me, were to think of sweet happy moments in my life when I was TOTALLY alone. That way I trained my brain to believe again that I COULD be at least as happy on my own, without him.
I understand why you do not yet wish to disconnect his phone. No contact goes in stages. It’s incredibly hard to go cold turkey without having a back up to rethink your no contact decision… that it may seem more bearable to you if you keep the tool to track him. I get the feeling that you ‘reason’ for not doing it is but a rationalisation, and the real motive is not being ready yet to fully cut all ties. Maybe you should give yourself a deadline, like say next week, to cut it.
The truth is that if he has something on you, he can use it any time he wants to. You don’t even need to provoke him.
I see Darwinsmom, so it’s possible he really did own it. Here’s what he stated, he owned the house and mom moved in with him a couple of years ago to help him out. They seem to have a very strained relationship. She is an alcoholic and they have very verbally abusive arguments. He was in school working half days when we met. He moved in with me before school was complete because their fighting was so awful. He graduated. (I think) But, never took a job as an electrician and didn’t return for any steady work in the last year except for a week or two offshore. When he moved with me he said, he had to move his things into storage. Spoke about how he loved his King Cherry Wood Sleigh bed and it was in storage. Well, while we dated, I had only been inside of his moms house once. About a month ago, he actually brought me inside and there was the King Cherry Wood Sleigh bed in his room. I said “looks like you never moved anything into storage”. Oh, yes I did…my sisters b’f just moved that bed in a couple of weeks ago. He always has an answer for everything. And, there was a dining room table there that I remembered seeing previously also. How deep these lies go …. is there no end in sight!
Thank you Darwinsmom,
I must have missed the rest of your post. Yes, today is DAY 2 of NC and a struggle. I do fear cutting off the phone now will only anger him and he’ll go into ‘tit for tat’ mode. But, I think you’re right. A deadline works best too. lol It’s just hard to see a call, or message come up and not check it..then it makes it harder for NC. But, so far so good. What could he offer me at this point? Another apology? And more lies. And, frankly he has proven his untrustworthiness. Living in that state of not trusting someone to have your best interest at heart becomes taxing on your mental state. I can’t take it anymore. I do remember being single and alone and happy. Of course, I’ve lost my apt. since then and my lifestyle has changed quite a bit living at my father’s, but peace of mind was something I had and took for granted.
And, as I am posting he just sent me a text “miss you and always will love you”.
Libragirl,
They know we love them. They know how to take full advantage of the fact that we are bonded to them. Oh yes declarations of undying love are the order of the day once the supply has gone. You are supply my lovely. It’s a horrible thing to have to accept that’s what you are. I really understand what you’re going through. Everyone here has been where you are.
It’s a process you have to go through now. NC is not easy. But you owe it to yourself not to put up with this shit. No. Full stop!
You will be ok LG. Do you have any family to support you?
I hope so. Be kind to yourself. Cancel that effing phone and go out tomorrow and treat yourself or pamper yourself or just lay in the bath and absorb the word that is FREEDOM.
Dupey, congrats on being published in “Urban Dictionary”!
Libra,
your stories of his manipulations are aggravating to read and yet they have been very helpful and informative for me as well.
My spath pulled a crazy con on me at the very end of our 25 years together. He got the cops and the neighbors in on it too. He had friends in homeland security, (including my brother in law whom HE sent to infiltrate my family by marrying my sister) and the homeland goons were in on it too.
Lots of drama about a warrant for his arrest (a forged warrant), there was a gps tracking device, there were “witnesses” and M-16 rifles pulled on him, etc…
All of this went on for almost 6 months. But when I think about it, it doesn’t bother me that much. I figured it out after the first month and was only playing along with his lies for the last 5 months. Yet, when I read about what your spath does to you it makes me SO MUCH MADDER than thinking about what my spath did to me. It isn’t until I make the connection that they were doing the same thing, that I’m able to actually be angry at my spath.
I can see that I have different standards for what I will allow spaths to do to me, and what I will accept spaths to do to others. I was raised by my spath parents that I should allow people to abuse me but that I should protect others from abuse. I’ve always known this, but your stories have helped me bridge that gap. This morning I got another email from my spath (he’s been trying to reach me for over a month now):
When I read it, I felt compassion for him, even though I know it’s a con. I know that he is dying for a fix of the supply that I was for him. It makes me sad for him.
Then, when I read your posts, all that compassion flies right out the window! It gets replaced by anger. Thank you for that, it has helped me to maintain NC. If I can return the favor by describing the cons he pulled on me, just let me know.