If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
skylar: somehow I don’t think that even making him write that 100 times, will work.
You are right, though: it’s like a bad horror movie (“B” rating), that just plays over and over and over again like one of those horrid “B” movie marathons.
Mine has been quiet for a month now.
There has not been one peep.
It was really quite horrid, you know – after I block “IT” from contacting me via email or phone, he had hundreds of ‘minions’ attempt to contact me on his behalf. Until one day, oh, about two months ago, now, he managed to get a call through to my message machine and was balling, begging me to speak to him. I am supposing he was on his way to some kind of in hospital treatment or some other thing was going on in his ‘dramatic’ life. Something he thought was important enough to try LOVE BOMBING me or GAS LIGHTING me some more over…well, as hard as that was, hearing his crying and sobbing and pleading, I did not respond. I am so putting this way far behind me now.
My kindnesses towards “IT” was what got me into this ‘roadshow’ in the first place. It is not continuing. Since I had my near fatal heart attack and now must live everyday like it’s my last, there is no room inside that for this drama and chaos.
I THINK the boogey man has gone away from my door but like you said, just about the time you think they are gone, they pop up like a bad case of herpes or something.
Oh yes, the longest we ever went before was 3 months, without speaking. In another couple weeks it will be NINE MONTHS since I have spoken ONE WORD to “IT”. And, just like I promised “IT”, it will never hear my voice, ever again, as long as it lives. My not responding nor replying is a whole different ballgame for ME….Oh yes, MY “IT” saw it as a challenge, too, for quite a while but that eventually wanes too, as long as you don’t give it any attention. If you just stop playing the game it moves elsewhere and on to someone who will buy the b.s. and play along…someone vulnerable and unsuspecting.
It has been ONE MONTH TODAY since I have heard from “IT”.
I have not responded. I have not replied. It is quiet. A whole month….wow…amazing to me. I can’t remember a MONTH in the past ten years that has gone by in complete peace and quiet. I am not kidding you. AND I CUT OFF HIS ACCESS TO ME LONG BEFORE I WENT NC this last time!!!!!
LAST SUMMER, I had to block his number from calling me.
The threats and the ugliness were so bad. It was like the most ugliest thing I have ever been through in my lifetime and I have been through some really horrid things. The stalking and the intrusion and dysfunction was 24/7 for just about five non stop years and I tolerated it because I felt sorry for it. I realized there was something not quite right about all this and I felt since I was the one who SAW it, I became sort of ‘responsible’ for it. IT SO USED ME and my kindnesses….
No: they don’t like being told anything because they are the omnipotent ones. How dare you forget that! They know everything about everything and if you ever doubt that, just ask them, they will tell you. And, they don’t like letting go nor losing control. If you take back your control from them by going NC, it throws them off balance. They don’t know how to react. Sometimes it infuriates them and they step it up a notch. I know, I have been there for a long time now…
Hang in there skylar…
I know what it is you are going through and it’s okay to NOT feel sorry for them. Our feeling sorry for them is like giving them key to our lives again and letting them take free reign and we already know what that is like, when they have control; don’t we? THAT is never going to happen again. NEVER. My soul only belongs to me and that ‘higher authority’….
No matter else – you be safe; you hear me?
It isn’t safe playing with bombs, Lovey…
Bombs go boom. xxoo
Dupey
Dupey,
thank you for the reminder. I know my spaths words seem to be soft and sensitive, but I am very familiar with his strategies. Each time he brings up a pet or other small animal, I know he is stalking his prey. That’s his MO.
He called me once, years ago, and said, “I lost the flashlight you got me because I had to slam on my brakes so I wouldn’t hit a possum. Everything in the car went flying forward, then when I stopped at the gas station, I’m sure the attendant saw it and stole it.” He wanted me to go out and buy him a new one because I had searched all over the city to find him this particular model. He reveled in that fact and needed my supply again in order to feel like he exists.
If he would just leave the animals out of it, I would be more likely to believe his crap, but he can’t stop. A tiger can’t change his stripes.
I know he has ill intent when he pulls the same crap that he always has. He doesn’t see the pattern, but I do. And yes, like you, I felt sorry for him.
Dupey, I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling sorry for him. I would never want to be him, but he desperately wants to be me. That’s sad in itself. But don’t worry, in addition to pity, I also feel revulsion. It’s like encountering a leper. Yes, I have compassion but I don’t want to catch it!! right?
Spaths have leprosy of the soul and we haven’t found the cure yet.
The minions have already caught the leprosy of the soul, it’s too late for them, but we can NC them too.
I love the fact that you call them minions because that’s what BF and I call them, and now it has become part of the LF vernacular. We are developing our own language that explains what the spaths are and how they operate. The PhD’s and MD’s can keep their special DSMV labels with all the confusion that surrounds it. We know what they are (evil) and how they work. And we call them SPATHS.
skylar: yah, bombs eventually blow up if ignited….
Oh yes, the spath’s words are so ‘creamy’ and ‘dreamy’…but that is just another ploy to get close enough again to dust me! I know how they operate when they are on the edge…trust me….
Stalking prey is exactly it too! Uh-huh, the MO is pretty evident after a while of it. Facebook, Life, Spokeo, you name them and he is on them! Floats from woman to woman, sucking in all he can like those bottom dwellers on the floor of the ocean….ever see one? They have big huge old mouths and they walk along the ocean floor, just sucking in and devouring whatever is in their way. They digest the food they want to keep and eject and expel the things they don’t want but they suck it all up anyways and they forge it out later. That is so like a spath. Isn’t it?
I felt sorry for him from the first minute I laid eyes on him the very first time and from that point on, it only sucked me in, further and further until I was almost DEADER than a door nail. They take that ‘sorry’ we have for them and they use it to devour us as much as they possibly can. Yes, they want to be us. It eventually dawns on them, I think, that the only way they can be us is by getting rid of us, only in my case, my spath texted and emailed the WRONG PERSON, this time. “IT” never thought things would turn out the way they have…ME, in control. The game got flipped upside down and around…he had too many ‘minions’ to care for all at once and lost control….and I am never relinquishing it again.
I have stopped feeling sorry for “IT”. Because we ALL have our own choices in this life to make and to stand responsible for. Be those choices covered by written law or choices made with good conscious and proper intent. Each of us has to stand responsible for our own actions in this life. If we cannot bare the consequences of our actions, most NORMAL people would not forge ahead and do the wrong thing in lieu of doing anything and that is how they operate. A bad choice to them is better than no choice. Sometimes we must ‘constrain’ ourselves and they have no valve for that. I DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR IT. Feeling sorry for it almost cost me my life on more than one occasion.
Oh yes, spaths have leprosy of the soul, alright.
There is no cure. THEY are the only one’s who can ‘cure’ that.
The ‘minions’…funny we think alike on that. I am studied in Angels and know of the ‘minions’…the evil ‘minions’…
It is said that evil is the father of confusion and dysfunction.
I believe it is true. I am not a religious person but I am a believer in Angels. I believe that the timeless battle between evil and good still very much lives and breathes in our world right now. The closer you get to the ‘light’, the more devils we attract; they want to throw us off our path towards righteousness.
Oh yes, the PhD’s and MD’s, they have no clue the things we have seen and touched and smelled and tasted…none at all. Little tiny things that have wound and wrapped themselves around our very soul and have stifled our lives….unless a person actually LIVES this experience, the PhD’s and MD’s cannot understand and I always say I AM GRATEFUL THEY DONT because that is one less person tasting evil.
WHY ARE ANIMALS always a part of the equation?
“IT” openly admitted to torturing animals as a child…
the animals are psuedo humans?
You know, most p-paths are not as boisterous and as gallant as they attempt masking. Most are scared little boys who run from their own shadow….but then there are exceptions and we have all heard and read about them, I am sure. THAT is where my relationship with “IT” was heading….like watching a time bomb.
IT IS QUIET AROUND ME FOR ONE MONTH NOW. Solidly.
There have been no intrusions for one month, although “I” have not spoken in 8 months. Up until a month ago, the stalking was atrocious. Hoping to push me into another heart attack, I am sure but I am not effected anymore. It’s like brushing pigeon excrement off your shoulder…’flick, flick’….ho hum, all gone.
“…he reveled in that fact and needed my supply again in order to feel like he exists.”
Right. Another reason they keep coming back.
They get bored where they are and need our validation.
If they get none, they move on to their next victim.
We can’t follow them around the rest of our lives, warning people….it is humanly impossible to warn the people around them…at least all of them…so, what it comes down to is moving on with our own lives and nixing THEM.
Do I really sit back and allow someone to murder me?
I think not. Opening that door is inviting trouble.
I do not want the devil about me any further.
I AM NOT PREY to be stalked.
Dupey
Sky and Dupey, they are “minions” in the best sense of the word.
min·ion (mnyn)
n.
1. An obsequious follower or dependent; a sycophant.
2. A subordinate official, especially a servile one.
3. One who is highly esteemed or favored; a darling.
[French mignon, darling, from Old French mignot, mignon.]
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/minion
they are duped
dupe (dp, dyp)
n.
1. An easily deceived person.
2. A person who functions as the tool of another person or power.
tr.v. duped, dup·ing, dupes
To deceive (an unwary person). See Synonyms at deceive.
Put the TWO together and you have a DUPED MINION and they are dangerous to the max, and they become TOOLS for the psychopath to hurt and torture the PRIMARY VICTIM. Many spaths seem to use their children as duped minions to torture the nurturing parent, the PRIMARY VICTIM they want revenge on.
My egg donor is a duped minion of my psychopathic son, and he uses her to obtain money and information about me, his PRIMARY VICTIM. She is ALSO a victim, but a secondary one really because he doesn’t hate her like he hates me. He doesn’t respect her, uses and abuses and manipulates her, I think had her death planned as soon as My death was accomplished, but she refuses to see that and so remains his duped minion and probably will the rest of her life.
We must be wary of the duped minions as well, NC them if we can, because they ARE TOOLS of the spathy ones.
Ox: you are so very correct.
DUPED MINIONS.
I have had the {NOT} pleasure of many of these running through my life the past ten years of this ‘roadshow’. Some of them pretending to be very nice and pleasant, while others were very so much like “IT”. They can be and ARE as dangerous as the primary p-path. They ARE tools of the psychopath….
I refused to be used as a tool. That made ME a huge problem. Didn’t it? I may have gotten sucked into the muck somewhat, but not for long because I hung onto my own identity. I never let “IT” change the person I was inside.
I am a former ‘almost duped minion’, in the sense I was in the army for a while, but not long as I refused to be used this way. Guess what? The love and undying affection suddenly waned once “IT” realized I was nobody to play in the sandbox with. Too much trouble…time to move on….
Every minion, duped or otherwise, has been blocked from contacting me in any way other than in person and if that happens, I have some nice little surprises for any of them.
Thanks Ox for raising this point.
It is an important one.
Hope you are doing well. xxoo
Dupey Doo Duhhhh
Dupey,
Yea, I was a duped minion of my Psychopathic son Patrick….and definitely played a role in helping him by sending money to him, helping him to get the “special” things he needed to get into the craft shop where he could smuggle things in that he couldn’t have done so without my help and the money I sent. He couldn’t have gotten the cell phone without the money that he earned because I set him up in business making custom made boots for sale for $2500 for a pair…of course he made the warden a pair for $100 and the Major a pair for $100 but he had money which MOST INMATES DO NOT. He could only “spend” $150 a month on commissary but most inmates can’t spend enough to buy a stamp, but he was “rich” in terms of what he could by to trade and sell plus the money he had in his account he could send a check to your girl friend, who could then send a money order to your account so he could pay other inmates money directly that way. He had it made in the shade as the “big spender”
I was the duped minion AND the primary victim, so just because you play one role doesn’t mean you aren’t in another role as well. When I quit being a duped minion he became VERY angry at me and started more persecution by his OTHER duped minions to try to control me (that didn’t work) so he decided to do away with me. That also didn’t work, yet, so he continues to use the one duped minion he has, my egg donor. Without her he is SOL. Sheet out of Luck.
Duped minion……great label Oxy and Dupey! I would suspect there are many who are both a primary victim and a duped minion from the same psychopath.
Am picturing a family tree of labels: Psychopath, semi-psycho, primary victim, duped minion. They leave quite a wake of destruction.
New Beginning: the way it looks to me, over here, from my viewing advantage, there ARE many who ARE both a primary victim and a duped minion….from the same psychopath.
I know of plenty…
All not of his family, however…
Mostly the crowd he has chosen around him…
all the ladies in his stable…
Anyone that finds this acceptable needs some counseling…
I got mine and I am out. I am NEVER going back either!
Dupey
Dupey, *two thumbs up* 🙂
Funny we should be just talking about not going back and lo and behold, I received a text from him and a request that I add him to my online list of chat friends. Hmm: wonder what he WANTS NOW!? Must have found another purpose for me; hey?
I haven’t responded to either the text nor the add request.
I still find it all unacceptable. Thanks for checking in…
I AM OUT and I AM STAYING OUT and NEVER GOING BACK.
I would rather be dead first than to tolerate any more of this madness in my world.
His trying to contact me has only validated all my decisions.
Just thought you would want to know.
Thanks New: **thumbs up it is**
🙂