If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
strongawoman
Interesting thought there Dupey …..sudden awakening. Sinister!
Yes I’m writing my lines furiously as we speak ……you are a love. Thank you for your concern xx
Sending big hugs back to you from Yorkshire. It’s minus 4 here tonight. Freezing.
strongawoman
New,
Your right. He does still have his hooks in me……to a certain extent. Thanks for the words of support friend.
Back_from_the_edge
Yah, they are sinsiter, alright…
GREAT! Doing your lines.
I have to step out and run errands.
I will be looking for your notifying me you are done later…
Beautiful Yorkshire ~ I send you and it my Blessings. xxoo
Brr: it is 56f here at the moment and I think THAT is freezing!!!
Big storm blowing in off the coast this next week, threatening to bury the mountains around me. Not more than 20 mins from me they are having wintry weather, like blizzards…brrrrrr…
Stay warm strongawoman and strong.
Love ~ Dupey
skylar
Strongwoman,
don’t let it get you down that you responded. Think of it this way: Now he’ll suffer even more when you stop responding.
A wise friend sent me some information on intermittant reinforcement. It was about pigeons who were only rewarded after a certain number of pecks on a lever. One day they decided to see what would happen if they pigeons were not rewarded at all: they pecked themselves to death. poor pigions! We can only dream…
Dupey,
While it’s true that he lied to you, he also lied to his wife, so it doesn’t matter what role you were in. Spaths see us all as dupes, they don’t see us as a wife or an affair. My spath told me I was the only one for him. In truth, there nothing that he would not have sex with.
I think that your spath took your words to heart when you promised never to speak with him again. You told him what you wanted (to never have contact again) so he is trying his best to take that away from you. When it comes to spaths, we must never tell them our plans, our hopes or our wishes because it only focuses them on sabotaging us.
strongawoman
Skylar,
God they’re so cunning! Intermittent reinforcement? Where do they learn these traits from?
Thanks for the words of encouragement. As my teachers used to say……strongawoman must try harder!
And I will : )
Ox Drover
A psychologist named B. F. Skinner did the original research on “intermittent reinforcement”—and if you reward a behavior in even rats every time and then you stop a time or two, they will QUIT the behavior, but if you reward only say every 2-6 times, they keep thinking NEXT TIME will be the time and they keep on with the behavior sometimes even if you NEVER AGAIN reward it. Like Sky said, the pigeons pecked themselves to death!
I think you need to read Gavin DeBecker’s THE GIFT OF FEAR and he explains about psychopaths—and BTW this guy had a P mother so he does understand about Ps. You can get it off either Amazon or Love Fraud store. I got my copy used for a few pennies and shipping. It is a GREAT BOOK.
Learning these things actually is a great thing to help us and to show us why NO CONTACT works, and why intermittently rewarding them makes them worse. LEARNING-KNOWLEDGE=POWER And we learn more and we have more power so get cracking on reading! There are dozens of articles here but books as well. (((hugs)))
Back_from_the_edge
skylar: he wasn’t just lying to me and the ex wife either…he was manipulating MANY people all at the same time. No, it doesn’t matter what role I was in…you are right, they DO see us all as dupes. And, I agree with you: there is nothing they wouldn’t have sex with.
Maybe you are right – maybe when I said I would never speak with him again, maybe he did take it to heart. So he is trying the very best he can to take that away from me. But, it’s a two way street because he has a lot to lose too. I think he is starting to see that now and thus the love bombing attempts.
Just wants to get a little closer to sabotage our NC rules and the little niche of peace I have managed to CLAW OUT for myself.
You are right: never tell them our plans, hopes or wishes because that comes back to us in the form of weaponry. There is NO ‘congeniality’ with them because they will use it as a way to control some more.
New Beginning
Dupey, I’m on my way to that however my young adult son is my priority and he still lives with his Dad though they work opposite shifts. My son isn’t aware his Dad is a psychopath and he just wants to stay in the home he grew up in and near all his friends…..and the ocean. I expect my son to move out on his own within the next couple of years but until then I will keep “polite” contact as needed. It is NC in my world because all emotions have been eliminated and there is no idle chit chat.
~New
strongawoman
Oxy,
Thanks for the reading list. Yes I will add that one! I’m dipping into “Without Conscience” at the moment. Eye opening to say the least. Gosh I love it when you say knowledge is power. Yes indeed ma’am. I also find a lot of light bulb moments reading articles here. I know it’s been said so many times but the similarities between mine and other peoples stories are what keep my resolve strong. Thank you Oxy wise woman. Your words are noted.
It’s nearly midnight here. Off to bed with my tail between my legs but my head held high. I live to fight a new day.
Dupey doo! Lines complete and nailed above my bed post. Goodnight!
(((((Oxy))))))
(((((Dupey)))))
Ox Drover
Dear Strongwoman, Sleep well my friend! It is another day tomorrow and you ARE there to fight another day! My reading list is sooooo long I have books I want to read on personal improvement, ones on history (every era) and so it keeps getting longer but am almost finished with a WWII memoir and a biography of Hitler. Just finished two on white captives of Native Americans who did not want to go back to their families even when they had the chance to. Very interesting.
Well, see you tomorrow!