If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Angel;
Welcome and i’m glad you found the support of LF. It sounds as if you have a good start at ‘getting it’……and others around you are aware of ‘him’.
Keep NC regardless of his threats.
AND…..file a restraining order stating all of his harassments. Request that your ex husband also file a protection order and file on behalf of your children also.
We understand the terror…..and I can offer you this…..keep moving forward and try to find a balance between living your life and safety. When you feel overly fearful…..make a decision for yourself…..not to ‘give’ him too much.
Follow through with all documentations…..call the cops, file reports….follow through! He’s the one who’s got something to lose and they don’t like being exposed. He’s the one with the criminal records…..regardless if he got off or not….it still shows up! His credibility is shot with the law…..
Continue doing what you are to keep yourself safe. Be smart, remain vigilant…..but try to continue to ‘live’.
Good luck….and again…..welcome to LF!
XXOO
EB
Angel,
it’s time to get tough with this spath.
Spaths like weak people to bully. That’s because they are cowards. It’s good that you are showing no emotion.
You need to start gathering evidence. Do not answer your phone unless you recognize the caller ID. When he leaves messages, save them. Get surveillance cameras, make sure they are on. Make sure you have witnesses when he stalks or threatens you.
Continue to gather evidence, but don’t use it. Keep gathering evidence. Give him all the rope he needs to hang himself.
When you have some very good incriminating evidence, go to the police with it. Get him arrested and taken away to jail.
At no time should you show any emotion. Become an ICE QUEEN. Hopefully he will learn that you are not someone to mess with.
Marriage advice from a spath…….
Dupes post:
Got the most interesting tip for marriage today… “before anyone gets married they should spend a day in divorce court” – WoW! I think that would really make people fight for their marriage… It’s like scared strait marriage edition.
Spath: all men should do this,so they can really see it isn’t fair!marriage is hard work a lot of give not that much take!your life does change it can be for the better as long as your not fogged with concept that its about getting layed!if you want to work hard in your commit to love ,you can make a try,but its not easy!If you don’t mind falling in the mud and beable to wipe it off and keep going!love is wonderful ,but its not a box a choclates,but it doesn’t hurt to bring it along!
Dupe: Well said, Spath. There is a reason that every fairtale ends at the wedding where they tell us the couple lived “happily ever after”…. they say it, but they never show us what it looks like. Marriage is a big deal and people need to go into it willing to fight to protect it.
Spath: to bad my wife is sick,i would still be fighting for us!love and marriage can be wonderful!humans now a days quit to easy!fighting to stay marryed is hard ,but worth it!28 years i tryed,but question did i do enough!I set two couples up and didn’t get invited to either of the wedding ,but your still together so i kinda know what i’m doing!love you and your hubby alot fight hard then me please!
Erin,
pass the bucket, I’m gonna heave…
Here’s where my head is.
He’s coming this way next month. I’m not sure why, other than he’s doing a pot run.
he’s been talking about the kids….and from my experience at predicting his behaviors…..prior to contact or a call…..he starts reminiscing in his mind…..about me or kids.
I don’t like the fact he’s referring to me as WIFE….and not his former addressing as the bitch ex…. or like.
He also seems to be setting up a situation with ‘she’s sick’….as to IF I would get better and ‘take him back’ (regain my mind) he would have an ‘out’ for all his badmouthing…..and we could blame it on my mental illness and all would be good.
He wants to fight for us…..eeesh!
In another post he states he wants to be a FIghter instead of a lover.
I of course, never knew the lover he speaks of…..only the fighter….and I bet most people would agree who knows him….he fights everything!
Wipe your mouth off and let me know your thoughts…..heres a dramamine to ease the nausea. 🙂
“I question….did I do enough!”
Enough what…..drug dealing, ‘playing’ with children, lying, men, manipulating…….?????
I’m ‘bracing’ for contact to be attempted.
Part of me thinks now what helps keep him away is the rejection…..it’s been constant from the kids each time he trys…..and he’s heard NOTHING from me in 4 years….except divorce court.
I also think he may attempt in person contact…..because he thinks his ‘dreamy’ powers will prevail in face to face mainipulation of breaking the kids……which phone contact has not provided him.
His last whacked out message for kids was YOU OWE ME an explanation. blah, blah…..he feels entitled to a ‘why’ the kids won’t have anything to do with such a great guy. The kids don’t feel they owe him a thing……and they know an ‘open’ discussion with a spath is redundant-an opening for further lies and manipulation.
This is my concern currently!
Ok, finished the upchuck.
I don’t know him so it’s hard to say.
In my experience, my spath was also doing a recon, trying to reach me and make me respond with so many pity ploys. I ALMOST responded. Just yesterday, it occurred to me that he is trying to reach me because the neighborhood bitch spath wants to reach me about something and I have not responded to her either. He is trying to take the last thing I have left, my house.
So, your spath has possibly looked into your financial situation, your housing situation, or your employment situation. Something has changed and he wants a part of that action.
I know that it seems like he wants you back or your kids back, but he never wanted that in the first place. He only wanted to create hurt in you and your kids. He wanted you to suffer. So it’s your assets he is after. Because that’s how he can hurt you. They are envious more than they are anything else.
In my case, I was watching his behavior and saw the signs of stalking my emotions: pity ploy, talking about cats, etc…
Because of that I ASSUMED that he was after my emotions and I was not afraid, so I almost answered him. It took a month for me to realize that he only begins the stalking that way. The real goal is my assets. (which eventually leads to my emotional devastation)
I think that your spath has a “friend” inside who is feeding him info. It makes him feel brave and he is beginning to plot. It might be time to start a disinformation campaign. plant seeds, and see what comes up. by planting different seeds you might be able to follow the trail and know where the leak is.
The spaths never work alone. They seem to, but in fact, they never do. It is in the duping of minions that they have power.
They are cowards and they will always behave like cowards: poison, sabotage and slander are the MO’s. That’s what you have to watch for.
Yes…..by interpreting he may ‘want’ me back…..that statement doesnt’ tug at me nor do I maintain the previous fantasy about him ‘loving’ me or ever being able to have a marriage or anything with this person…..or any of it…..It’s not about me or kids it’s always ONLY about them and their motives…..if anything, he’d want the cover we offered his covert operation…..I made it real easy for him to do what he did…..unknowingly…..and now, he knows the cops look out for him, and he doesn’t really want to go to jail again…..and he doesn’t have a ‘home base’ to hide from….and he’s got to be ‘on’ all the time. He’s got to play the victim to others and i’m sure some of them questionhim…..those are the ones who disappear. Constantly ‘on’…..with no sanctualry to just hang at. New people, new dupes……with no rest for the wicked.
He was a lazy stupid spath…..super stupid! 🙂
I’m sure and I have been told he asks people about us….tells folks how much he loves me yeadayada……he reels them in they feel sorry and spill info.
Nobody really knows our life….we all keep it close to the hip.
I also play indifferent towards him, don’t engage in convo’s about him to any outsiders. I dismiss it…….because I know hw peole are…..and when they try to ‘help’……and feed him info…..saying oh, she was asking about you…..I don’t want that to occur. I want indifference. I don’t care. I change subject. It surprises some……which tells me THEY care….more than me.
He also shows his moves ahead of time on FB….he starts about a month before he moves on….to the next place befriending folks in his destination town…..he’s been befriending a lot of local folks in the past few weeks. He even asked to befriend my friends son who he called the cops on with a false report, broke into his fathers business twice…..and wreaked havoc in his world….my friend got a restraining order on him. This was the same time my current boss TPO’d him. Thank GOD she saw him in full form…..and i’m working closely with her and hubby now…..and they know ‘who’ I am….and I don’t think he could cause trouble there anymore……she’s got friends in high places and if there is someone to question….I’d be surprised if she ever questioned me….it’d be him.
My other clients are impenetrable to him…….not that anything isn’t possible for a spath…..but remember, he’s lazy and stupid. When he thinks someones on to him, he runs to a new dupe he’s sure he can manipulate.
Sure, he’d like my life……but he could never walk back into this world….this town and be accepted again fully and run my business or compete with me…..he’s too exposed. The ones he targeted the most….the richy rich’s…..dont move out of town…..they stay……and they know! It also helps that the head Ms. Van Got Bucks is my lead client….and this friday at her partay…..All the richy richs’ will get to see my face, in her home as her assistant…..and be confirmed that EB’s A-okay….if Ms. Van Got Bucks has her around. She raves about me and my work……we have a great working relationship and I’ve NEVER mentioned him……she did once…..and I dismissed it and changed subject…..I think it was a test. I make my time there all about her…..as it should be.
Friday will be my ‘coming’ out at her partay…..all bouncy haired up and peppy managing the event with all familiar folks and former clients…….it’ll be great timing if he try’s to pop into town next month….the richy rich’s protect the ones they like- like ferrets.
I don’t care what he’s after in me…..I’m not interested in anything BUT keeping him away! Emotions, money, physical, it doesn’t matter……to me….there is NO reason to have contact!
I agree….I think he’s feeling brave about now…….he waits some time period and then attempts again.
Since I heard from MIL in the summer….and she never followed through……with kids…..She was feeding him info. More fool her! I fed her nothing real…..all fake…..
Maybe it’s time for a check in call with MIL….That is my most direct route to planting disinformation. and quickly. I’ll give that some thought….
But yeah……nothing is about anything but him and HIS motives….I do realize that. I just want him away and to try to figure out before he shows up…..i’d like to be expecting him…..and I know the cops would too! 🙂
Sky, EB –
This would all be so much easier if they would just go DIE, wouldn’t it? Grrrrrrrrrrrr. xx