If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Libra,
I am also here to tell you I was married 22.7 years. You forgive, they do it again, you excuse them they do it again. It’s a circus and it won’t change- guaranteed!! I too was never mad for very long and I’m certain he took that as a GREEN light that hey she’s over it quickly, so NO big consequences. Going away always clears your head. They love control, they love manipulation, it is a foggy way to live. You are right, he IS mean spirited, has no empathy, and he will never care about your feelings. NEVER, move on girl. I’m 53 and I’m so thrilled my divorce is FINAL today. Don’t be me and wonder what took so long. You too will become sick if you stay. That’s why we all talk about healing. Run HOney!!
Libra-
Leaving the illusion is one of the most difficult things to face. In my opinion. You sound coherant and thats a good thing..by the time my spath was done with me I had a 5 week old baby and couldn’t formulate a sentence.
It’s taken me 1 year to get to this point. Please love yourself more than him or the illusion…you are worth it. It may hurt but in the long run you might find happness within yourself. That is the true key.
They do not change….
God bless
Libra – I think you feel normal because he IS gone. Sure you miss him, your brain is acustomed to the adrenaline you get from all the fighting and making up, rinse and repeat..
I got to the point it was healthier to miss him than live with him,,,sure I still think of him but our relationship was toxic, unhealthy and there was so much pain/bad history he had caused that there just was not a place to start over and make all that craziness go away, as much as I still miss him ( the illusion he portraid ), I will never miss the way I felt when we were together…
Get to that library and read read read…….
#10
Is is documented by some reliable research that spaths actually have excess testosterone?
Stargazer/OxDrover
Libragirl,
This is how your life gets whittled away. You keep forgiving and forgiving. Then they screw up again. Eventually, there is something that happens that is the last straw.
THAT’S EXACTY IT, STARGAZER. I KEEP THINKING “OKAY, THIS IS IT..THERE IS NO FORGIVING HIM THIS TIME. IT’S OVER”. And, then I’m right back where I started. I don’t want a life with a drug addict or gambling addict or liar. Truthfully, I don’t want a life with an untrustworthy person or an unhealthy relationship at all. My life has been chaos for almost a year now. What keeps me here? I think it’s my compassion for HIM. My understanding that we’re not all perfect and so I keep lowering my standards for the hope that all of this time and money I’ve spent won’t be in vain. This isn’t unlike almost everyone’s story. They keep giving because of hope. I wish I were stronger. Hopefully, I am able to walk away before investing much more time.
Honestkindgiver: thank you for sharing your story. That is exactly my problem. I am in love with the perception/illusion of what I wish he/I were together. The facts are we are not. It amazes me how good he lies. Mainly his lies have centered around money. I guess in my subconscience I keep thinking “Well, he has a job now..let’s see what happens now”.
Coping: I can’t imagine having an infant and dealing with the turmoil of my Spath in the last year.I am sorry you went through that. I have pets that are my children and that was difficult enough. He has used them against me in the past. Stating, “I loved my pets more than I loved him.” Actually, jealous of the love I showed my pets? Said, “You let them run the house”. In the end, he loved them too. And, I may be sounding coherent now, but not that long ago I wasn’t. I lost weight because of the stress of our financial situation and the mind games. I didn’t even have money for food/gas (my sister actually brought groceries to my door a few times, had she not..I’m not sure how we would have survived). Things were that bad.
Henry: I couldn’t agree with you more. The ‘craziness’ is a major turn off. I am tired of the repetitive lies. There is always a lie waiting to be confirmed from details given a few days prior. For instance, when he returns from offshore there is supposed to have been a ‘check’ deposited 1 week before he left still pending to be cleared. All of his checks are always ‘pending’ to be cleared. And, I never see any money from them. (Because he is a great storyteller) His first check from offshore? “I’m going to have my company mail my first check to your P.O.Box so we can start paying all of those bills”. We shall see…..
Hi Gang ”.
Firstly, I’d like to Say I KNOW The Lamentable Position You’ve All found Yourselves in, as I’ve been dragged backwards through The Mill too …. LoL …. ie Ultimately it can lead to “P.T.S.D.” & self-doubt “etc” ”.
However, “CONGRATULATIONS” to All of You On Your Strength of Mind & Character, as it’s hard to “Realise” that You were dating a 3-6 Year old hate-fuelled, Mentally-handicapped pathological liar …. Who, like any spoiled-brat, Can’t be “Expected” to take Adult’s Feelings into Consideration before moving onto Their next Toy …. (Bless Them …. LoL ….)
If it’s Any Consolation simply “Being” Them is FAR Greater punishment than Anything You could dream-up for Them …. Going No-Contact & Focussing on Your Safety & “TREATING” Yourself is The Best Advice I Could Give You …. (If necessary, contact the Authorities & Persevere if initially poo-pooed)
eg The “uninitiated” in Society haven’t a “clue” about what would-be victims of such Emotional-criminals try to put Us through …. If You’re “Still Producing” They’re losing the “game” ONLY They are Playing, so Congratulations on Being A Winner !!!! …. (sadly, They’re a born loser ….)
I was Targeted by a Very Rare Individual, Whom I’ve “Exposed” on My “off-shore” Server, (which gets past Identity-Rights laws ”.)
To cut a Loooong story short, I’ve Studied Sociology & Psychopathology in Person for Years & as-with All My Thinking I formed All-My-Own Theories “without” Studying texts ”.
After meeting a “Malignant” Sociopath, ie A Megalomaniacal Psychopath, (AKA a Malignant “Narcissistic” Psychopath) I Found Myself “Unifying” All My Previous Theories, when I came face to face with a “Female” serial-killer ”. LUCKY ME !!!!
She kills through “relentless & ruthless” attempts at “ambient-abuse,” abuse by proxy, emotional-black-mail, death-threats “etc” & as I was to Discover, (“AFTER” Exposing Her & Her Cronies,) by perverting the course of “Justice” ”.
I’d “Followed” The Teachings of Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa & Gandhi & I ASSURE You I Tried Everything, from a Safe Distance, to get through to Her ”. However, She’s a 44 Year old with the Emotional age of a 3 Year old & the alloplastic-defences to go with it ”.
She derives sadistic, (ie Infantile) Narcissistic “pleasure” from Unspeakable-cruelty & “imagines” Herself to be “clever” by Lying-Pathologically ”.
She’s “addicted” to Her-Own Neuro-Chemistry & Adrenaline rushes & is “Psychotic” ”. ie Her lies allow Her to program Her “bitter” Mind for the kill (ie “rush”) ”. Her Brain doesn’t Eat Sugar across the Entire Front of Her Brain, due to a dysfunctional “uncinate fasciculus,” so She doesn’t Actually Exist in “Reality” !!!!
She’s Lead Me to Believe that 6 Men have committed “suicide” because of Her causing Them P.T.S.D. & for Those Who won’t Her Sister has then “shot” several of Them ”. LUCKY ME !!!!
They’re a gruesome twosome & on-line Their aliases are interchangeable, so They double-team You ”. At a Formative Age, the elder of the 2 smashed the Younger 1”²s Forehead off the floor repeatedly until She Said She Genuinely Thought She was going to die ”. ie The Final “ingredient” to Make a “psychotic” serial killer ”. (She has the Exact same Physical Construct of Brain as the mass-murderers She admires ”.)
I Saw-Through Her & Stood-Up to Her & Genuinely “Cared” about Her, as I Uber-Empathically “harrowingly” Saw in Her what She “Would” have been had She not been born with what She called a “broken brain” & had She not suffered on-top of That ”. However, She Informed Me that Her EVERY Action was A Deliberately Selfish & ENORMOUSLY premeditated “Choice” !!!!
I Knew It was The LAST time I’d EVER Do So :- So From My Safe-Distance, I MADE “Positive” Progress with Her Thinking, as regards Her “negative” Life-Choices ”. Yet, after 6 Months of Reaching-Out to Her & Her’s, I Had to put the Plight of Her next would-be victim “First” ”.
She’d hacked My Computer & had been sending My “cryptic” Communiques …. I was Then Responding by Posting on MY “old” Facebook Profile ….
4 Months later, when I’d tried “Everything” to Reform Her & Said Goodbye Lovingly, for the UMPTEENTH time, etc, I then Realised by simply Walking away I was DOOMING Someone to a fate worse than death …. So after 2 more tries, I then Exposed Her Publically on My off-shore Server ….
She “THEN” had “Me” arrested & I’ve to appear in Court for the TERRIBLE CRIME of “Typing The TRUTH on Facebook” (ie Slander & breach of Confidence) which She’d “Doctored” from a Post I’d placed on My “old” Facebook profile from “4 Months” Earlier ….
“I’d” actually phoned the Police 1 Month before She had, as She’d been in My House when I was out working for a Local Charity (I’d no Idea She’d made a copy of My Key) ”. However, She lied “fearlessly” & pathologically to The Police & being “Female” played the Ted Bundy pity-card with the Gullible “Male” officers ”. (She REALLY “Did a number” on Them ….)
Whereas, A Month “Earlier” when I’d had-enough & Called the Police & was HONEST :- Being Male I was Told by a Female police officer & I Quote, “We’ll wait until She kills Someone ’Then’ We’ll arrest Her ”.” :-
Here’s the off-shore expose’ which I BRAVELY “Predicted” could get Me arrested, 2 Days before I found Myself locked in a prison cell in Glasgow, in the Middle of the Night, whilst the Malignant Sociopath (& co) cackled in the distance, “delighting” in having perverted the justice system to “continue” trying to cause Me P.T.S.D. in the “vain” hope I’ll be the 7th Man to commit suicide because of Them ….
It’s been 7 Months & They continue to harass Me to This Very Day, even-though I COULDN’T have been More Forgiving, Understanding, Encouraging & Generous & so on …. However, They picked on the WRONG Man ….
http://176.56.228.41/vaultofguilt.html
My Website’s called http://www.christlike.be ”. I’m A Philanthropist, “ETC” & I’ve been A Fearless Under-Cover Sociologist for 20 Years now …. I’m The Predators’ Predator, but I DON’T ADVISE Doing ANYTHING like What I’ve Done, as “Kindness” or “playing-possum” with a Predator puts Your Life at risk ”.
Moreover, I HOPE The Following Phrase Helps Any “FEMALE OR MALE” Who’s been Subjected to the MORAL-IMBECILITY of a Malignant predator :- Jesus (Communist Philosopher & Lumberjack, to Me) Said in Mark 6, “Shake the dust from your feet, as you leave, as a testimony against Them & abandon those people to their ’fate.’”
P.S. A BIG Thank You to Donna Andersen, I COMPLETELY Get what She Means about A Run-In with someone COMPLETELY Immoral, Being WORTH It, as It Restrengthens Your Boundaries & MORE Importantly Makes You Realise that Your “Vulnerabilities” ARE Your Strengths, because They’re Your FEELINGS & if Someone STABS 1 of Those LOVING Hands We Reach Out to 1 Another then WHAT MORE Evidence do You need that They inhumanely don’t Think You’re GOOD Enough for Them ?!?! ….
This Site Is 1 of the Few “Beacons” Out There For Those Who’re Wandering Through a foggy Wilderness in a Daze ”. You’re ALL Life-Savers !!!!
Kind Regards,
Erol
oh my ~
Libragirl,
I used to know a woman with really high self-esteem who was successful in all aspects of her life. She was one of my neighbors years ago. She used to tell me dating stories. She dated one guy for about 6 months. When the anniversary of her brother’s death rolled around, she was understandably sad and depressed that day. He said to her “Get over it.” Three little words. Based on ONLY that one transgression, she ended the relationship. Within 6 months, she met the man she would eventually marry who treated her like a queen. That’s all it took was “Get over it.” Where would all of us be if that was all it took for us to break up with someone? This woman loved herself and had good boundaries. She didn’t wait for him to do anything worse. His lack of sensitivity was enough.
During that time I was dating a man for 3 years who said “Get over it” to me on a regular basis. He was selfish and self-centered and frequently disrespected me. I stayed with him for years, eventually moving into his house. The last straw came when he cheated on me right in front of my face. The break-up was so devastating for me it took many years to get over it, and I STILL have dreams about him from time to time.
Oh, my~