If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Sky ~ It is SO GOOD. The meat in the tail is real sweet. I slow cook the ox-tails, bones and all, for a good 6 to 8 hours. They are very fatty so I pull the small amount of meat off the bones, put it back in the broth and refrigerate. That way you can skim all the fat off the top of the broth, then warm again and add barley and veggies. I usually put a shank bone in too, for more meat.
Really, really good.
There is quiet a bit of meat on the tail but it is mostly bones, but the bones and the gel that they make when they are cooked is wonderful….I’m glad I’m the DROVER and not the ox! LOL If we don’t get some colder weather we will have to take our cow to the butcher to be done.
Star, bi-polar can be a very severe disorder that is difficult to control, even if the person is taking their medications etc. BUT here’s the rub, some of them seem to like the HIGH of mania and they won’t take their medications because they love that energy that they get. If someone tells me or I suspect that they are bi-polar I tend to stay at “arm’s length” from them because some of them can go WAYYYY off the charts when they are manic. As well as many psychopaths are ALSO bi-polar which IS diagnosed but their P-traits are attributed by mental health pros as part of the bi-polar problem. Many are also ADHD as well.
I do know people who are bi-polar and take their medications and perform very well in high stress high performance jobs and you would never know they had a problem with bi-polar at all. But others self medicate with drugs and alcohol and don’t take medication so there’s a super big problem with them. We’ve had several people here when they described their X made me think there might ahve been some bi-polar, ADHD and/or self medicating with drugs going on as well.
Patrick has a lot of gradiose ideas but I haven’t lived with him since he was age 17 so don’t know if he is bi-polar or not…he never did show any sign of depression, and no ADHD signs up to age 17, but just the CONTROL and POWER thing
I truly believe that my daughter is bi-polar as well as a psychopathic. She was diagnosed as bi-polar as well as borderline. The diagnosis of bi-polar confused me, because I saw plenty of manic, but no depression. She never would stay on meds, didn’t like the way she felt.
Thanks Milo and Ox for the suggestions. I think I’m going to make an effort to find some oxtails for a slow cooker meal. yum.
Star,
I totally feel for him and his passionate beliefs about spaths. And I didn’t mean to offend him. I can imagine that someone as emotional as he is would get fed on by spaths. He’s like a walking wounded wearing all that emotion on his sleeve. What spath could resist? Even a failed spath could get off on the roller coaster that Erol puts HIMSELF on.
Sky, you are more compassionate than I. I couldn’t get past the grandiosity. I didn’t mean to try and make a diagnosis though. There are more than one condition that can cause grandiosity. I also have a friend from my reptile site who has very dear to me who is bi-polar. She has described to me many times what her condition is like. She leads a very normal life and is getting married this summer. I hope to go to her wedding. So I’m not slamming bipolar people in general. I was just commenting on the grandiosity, which could indicate extreme narcissism or the manic side of bipolar. Unless this person really IS the second coming of Christ and we have all missed the boat, then there is definitely some sort of imbalance there. I just think it’s odd that all the people I’ve known who are disordered, including the spath, have this same typing style – capitalizing every word. Could just be a coincidence.
The guy I met over the summer did something very dark and sinister with me – he played some sort of wierd game with me and manipulated my feelings. After that experience, and after reading “How to Spot a Dangerous Man”, I will probably steer clear of any potential love interest with bipolar. And to cross over with the “forgiveness” thread, I have completely forgiven him and feel a great deal of compassion for him. But I would never have anything to do with him again.
Dear Oxy,
Just wanted to say I’ve received my copy of “The Gift Of Fear” today. Cannot put it down!!
Learning to trust my intuition. How powerful is that!
Thank you Ox wise woman.
Ps. Spath is still trying to infiltrate and intrude. I’m still maintaining NC. Gavin de Becker rocks!
LibraGirl
Thank you for your heartfelt postings.
I let my spath back in touch with me – not in person but text – and his bullshit stuff just makes me feel like shit. Same old stuff. Yanking my emotions all over the place, being selfish, lying.
God, I regret it.
Reading your posts just makes me realize how awful it is to have a spath in my life.
Thank you and hugs.
Athena
Strongwoman, yea, that is abook you will read 2-3-4 times or more. It is good and each time you reread it it gets better!
Glad you are enjoying it. Fear is a GIFT!
Why is it that you recommend this book?
Spent my day at the library and focused my attention on me. 🙂
Books I’m currently reading: Getting It Through my Thick Skull (Mary Jo Buttafuoco story) & The Sociopath Next Door.
Have a good evening everyone!