10 things sociopaths want (besides money)

A Lovefraud reader recently asked the following question:

If the sociopath is not in it for money (he pays for everything with no access to my accounts) then what are other reasons to stay in a relationship if he doesn’t live with me nor do we share anything financially? Many of the posts I have read involve financial fraud.

If a sociopath has targeted you, it’s because you have something that he or she wants. Often it’s money, but not always. Here are 10 more things that the sociopath may want:

1. Sex

Sociopaths crave stimulation, and sex is highly stimulating, so they pursue it. However, sociopaths are not slaves to their physical urges. They often use sex primarily as a tool of manipulation to get something else that they want.

2. Services

Sociopaths may want you to do something for them that they don’t want to do for themselves, such as cooking, cleaning and taking care of children.

3. Housing

Even if sociopaths don’t directly ask for money, they may suggest living together. They may say it’s because they love you, when, in fact, they have no place to go.

4. Entertainment

Perhaps you’re part of an exciting social scene. The sociopath may want to be with you just to gain access to the people you know.

5. Status

Hanging out with you may be good for their image, especially if you’re rich, famous, successful or competent. Your status boosts their status.

6. Image

Perhaps the sociopath needs a partner like you to complete the image that he or she wants to present to the company or community.

7. Cover

Your presence may help them get away with a hidden agenda. You may be providing cover for the sociopath to pursue a double life of sex, drugs or crime.

8. Connections

Sociopaths may use you, your skills and your connections in order to pursue their grandiose dreams or entrepreneurial plans.

9. Duping delight

Sociopaths enjoy getting over on people—this is called “duping delight.” They often manipulate, deceive and use people just for the fun of it. Some will seduce targets just so they can break their hearts.

10. Domination

Sociopaths feed on power and control, so they sometimes pursue domination for its own sake. They want to prove themselves more powerful than you, perhaps even powerful enough to destroy you.

If a sociopath targets you, it’s because he or she sees you as useful in some way. Once you are no longer useful, you’ll be dumped.

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I also made the spath face the consequences of his actions with me. It is a great feeling. At a certain point, you may feel revenge is no longer satisfying, and you will just want to move on with your life. That is actually the best revenge. But I do enjoy stories of players getting played. There is something very rewarding about seeing the scales of justice balanced.

It took me about a year to find out that my ex-fiancee is a sociopath and a whole other year to accept it

Thank goodness you didn’t marry him! I am so glad I didn’t marry my ex…but I did have a son with him so he still manages to create havoc occasionally. 🙂


Okay, sorry, I totally misread your post. I’m going to delete my comment because it would not be helpful to your situation.

I can honestly say that all of those apply to my ‘relationship’ with my ex. It’s been incredibly hard to come to terms with that, but I’m successfully NC for 6 months now, and am enjoying being alive for the first time in many years. I’ve read a lot about narcissists since escaping the madness that was my life with her, and I’ve come to a place where I feel sorry for her emptiness and her constant need for supply. It must be agony. I feel especially sorry for her children – it was bad enough for me, but I was able to get away – her children don’t have that choice – yet. She hasn’t made any direct attempt to contact me, but has made her presence known, and I don’t know if I will lapse back into contact with her, but I do feel that every day that passes makes me stronger, and the likelihood of going back becomes more remote. I can only hope that I stay strong. I will always think of her children though, and how they never chose to have a mother like that. That part will always make me sad.

The list needs “Children” listed in my opinion. I fell in love with this woman so quickly and after only a few months we were pregnant. We were not trying to get pregnant that quickly, but had discussed marriage and children very early on. We were both in our mid-late thirties at the time, and it was obvious from our conversations that her biological clock was ticking very loudly. One of the reasons she left her last boyfriend was because he was older, I believe in his late 50’s. She was nervous he wouldn’t be able to reproduce or that there may be issues with a child from him. He provided for her financially which I believe was her initial draw to him. I can’t tell you how many friends and family have told me they think she used me to have a child. In a way I do feel used, but I would go through it a million times over because I have the most amazing child in the world! I’m still enveloped in a very ugly custody battle with this dangerous sociopath, but I will not stop fighting for my child. I will never give up. My life’s mission is to love my child, care for my child, provide for child, and try to give my child as normal of a life as I possibly can. It will be difficult with her in the picture, but my child deserves every last ounce of effort I have to make that happen. It’s sad, but I’m embarrassed that my child has her as a mother.

how very very awful :(. children for a sociopath are nothing more than tools, and perhaps incidentally as narcissistic suppy. IMO she didn’t want kids; she wanted yet another way to manipulate, dominate, extort, and torture you. i hope and pray you win full custody of your child.

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