A Lovefraud reader recently asked the following question:
If the sociopath is not in it for money (he pays for everything with no access to my accounts) then what are other reasons to stay in a relationship if he doesn’t live with me nor do we share anything financially? Many of the posts I have read involve financial fraud.
If a sociopath has targeted you, it’s because you have something that he or she wants. Often it’s money, but not always. Here are 10 more things that the sociopath may want:
1. Sex
Sociopaths crave stimulation, and sex is highly stimulating, so they pursue it. However, sociopaths are not slaves to their physical urges. They often use sex primarily as a tool of manipulation to get something else that they want.
2. Services
Sociopaths may want you to do something for them that they don’t want to do for themselves, such as cooking, cleaning and taking care of children.
3. Housing
Even if sociopaths don’t directly ask for money, they may suggest living together. They may say it’s because they love you, when, in fact, they have no place to go.
4. Entertainment
Perhaps you’re part of an exciting social scene. The sociopath may want to be with you just to gain access to the people you know.
5. Status
Hanging out with you may be good for their image, especially if you’re rich, famous, successful or competent. Your status boosts their status.
6. Image
Perhaps the sociopath needs a partner like you to complete the image that he or she wants to present to the company or community.
7. Cover
Your presence may help them get away with a hidden agenda. You may be providing cover for the sociopath to pursue a double life of sex, drugs or crime.
8. Connections
Sociopaths may use you, your skills and your connections in order to pursue their grandiose dreams or entrepreneurial plans.
9. Duping delight
Sociopaths enjoy getting over on people—this is called “duping delight.” They often manipulate, deceive and use people just for the fun of it. Some will seduce targets just so they can break their hearts.
10. Domination
Sociopaths feed on power and control, so they sometimes pursue domination for its own sake. They want to prove themselves more powerful than you, perhaps even powerful enough to destroy you.
If a sociopath targets you, it’s because he or she sees you as useful in some way. Once you are no longer useful, you’ll be dumped.
Donna, thank you so much for this post. The exspath wanted all of the things that you’ve listed PLUS money.
In retrospect, it’s absurdly obvious why I was such a terrific target to him.
Ew….ew….ew
Correct on all counts! Since becoming aware of the putrid piece of human garbage, that swindled me into his lies, his depths of depravity knows no bounds. All 10 of these points have been active in my situation…except for the sex! Ha! The most important thing to him, LOLOL! he only got twice. Ughhhhhh, how pathetic it was! Services, Housing, Entertainment? Yep, he got a house to live in (he lived with his Dad for three yrs. when we got married), meals prepared, laundry services, “entertainment”, yes. He had no life of his own…so he “fed” off of mine! Status, Image, Cover…Yes, Yes, Yes. Him marrying me, gave him an “air of respectability” to his family…(“see…I’m not so bad after all?….she married me, didn’t she?) Cover? ahhhh, yes! Of course! “So I (him) can do the same thing behind my 2nd wife’s back (me), that I did behind my 1st wife’s back!” “Duping Delight”! OMG! Absolutely!!! This pathetic parasite, has absolutely enjoyed duping me! LOL! That fact was one of the hardest things to comprehend in my situation! He actually got off, on doing his things behind my back! Like sneaking a cookie out of the cookie jar, and eating and relishing the taste and flavor in secret! Yes! Ohhhhhhhh, but LOL! I relish the fact that….he doesn’t know….that I KNOW what he is doing! So while he was/is playing HIS games, I have been gathering “evidence” against him…..to use in MY DEFENSE, when the time is “ripe”……..to split his “melon balls” wide open! LOLOL! In an ironic way, I am enjoying the “Duping Delight”! His stupidity, and arrogance has given me so much ammo, against him! Thanks Donna, another great article, indeed! 🙂
In retrospect, it’s almost comical how the exspath “accomplished” the goals that Donna listed. Oh, brother…..I was SUCH a perfect target! Pfffffffft (waving hand in dismissal)….not anymore. Today, I believe that anyone who doesn’t “get it” would perceive me to be selfish and emotionally unavailable and, the most interesting aspect of that is that I don’t care whether that’s the case, or not.
“Perceived to be selfish and unemotional”? Nahhh! How about “Awake and Aware”!!! Nothing wrong with being, shall we say… en guard!, in a world full of predatory animals! Oh yes, the pffffffffff! is great! I love it! :)!
Absolutely a GREAT article, Donna. I think that the “duping delight” is one of the most important things to a psychopath, that and CONTROL, but all the things you mentioned are RIGHT ON!
My X BF was looking for another “respectable wife” to cheat on. LOL
ABSOLUTELY one of the TOP TEN articles on LoveFraud!
Yeah, Donna, great article.
I often wondered what the spath wanted from me, since it COST him $$$ to have me….I had no money, and came with two small kids….he supported us, but, resented us, and let us know it. It was all about power, and supply for him.
And, yes, I would agree that the betrayal was full of duping delight for him, and also, that this duping delight is probably the hardest thing to come to terms with, but is the turning point out of cog-dis, at least for me.
He got off on hurting me, betraying me, decieving me, and confusing me…it added to the pleasure of his “ideal romance……” At my expence. Pfffffffftttttt.
I guess I never really thought about what exactly he was looking for other than money and a place to live. The idea of him enjoying everything he did to me makes me sick. But, you’re right.
Thanks Donna. Step by step I will begin to understand this whole ordeal.
Dear Donna: Absolutely.
Thanks for putting into words what my lips can’t;
sometimes I am just speechless for explanations.
There really are no explanations other than these
are ‘soul sick’ people who enjoy their venom and
evil ways. The only time they ever feel ‘powerful’
is when they can manipulate and/or frighten their
prey. They ‘get off’ on it. It’s a power boost to
put one over on the ‘nice people’. Another notch
in their belt.
ORDEAL is a great word for it, LadyA…
truly a DEBACLE in every sense of the word.
I shall be forever-and completely-astounded.
Dupey
Mine was Numbers 1 and 9. I love that Donna clarifies in Number 1 that even though they pursue sex, they are not slaves to their urges. I saw this happen to me…he used the potential for sex (not even having sex in reality) as a way to manipulate me. Wow, so true. And Number 9…Duping Delight to the max. I could see the glee in his eyes. He loves just getting over on people just for the fun of it and breaking hearts. It’s all so true and so tragic.
Definitely a very serious personality disorder.
I can’t take the schizophrenia that I witnessed.
Unbelievable.
I think I am still a little in a state of shock.
I am wondering how long it will take to wear off.
Yes, GLEE is what you see in their eyes
when they are duping and that smirk.
Unlike the smurf. Or even the smurk.
Little, exploding blue smurfs are just everywhere…
Dupey