A Lovefraud reader recently asked the following question:
If the sociopath is not in it for money (he pays for everything with no access to my accounts) then what are other reasons to stay in a relationship if he doesn’t live with me nor do we share anything financially? Many of the posts I have read involve financial fraud.
If a sociopath has targeted you, it’s because you have something that he or she wants. Often it’s money, but not always. Here are 10 more things that the sociopath may want:
1. Sex
Sociopaths crave stimulation, and sex is highly stimulating, so they pursue it. However, sociopaths are not slaves to their physical urges. They often use sex primarily as a tool of manipulation to get something else that they want.
2. Services
Sociopaths may want you to do something for them that they don’t want to do for themselves, such as cooking, cleaning and taking care of children.
3. Housing
Even if sociopaths don’t directly ask for money, they may suggest living together. They may say it’s because they love you, when, in fact, they have no place to go.
4. Entertainment
Perhaps you’re part of an exciting social scene. The sociopath may want to be with you just to gain access to the people you know.
5. Status
Hanging out with you may be good for their image, especially if you’re rich, famous, successful or competent. Your status boosts their status.
6. Image
Perhaps the sociopath needs a partner like you to complete the image that he or she wants to present to the company or community.
7. Cover
Your presence may help them get away with a hidden agenda. You may be providing cover for the sociopath to pursue a double life of sex, drugs or crime.
8. Connections
Sociopaths may use you, your skills and your connections in order to pursue their grandiose dreams or entrepreneurial plans.
9. Duping delight
Sociopaths enjoy getting over on people—this is called “duping delight.” They often manipulate, deceive and use people just for the fun of it. Some will seduce targets just so they can break their hearts.
10. Domination
Sociopaths feed on power and control, so they sometimes pursue domination for its own sake. They want to prove themselves more powerful than you, perhaps even powerful enough to destroy you.
If a sociopath targets you, it’s because he or she sees you as useful in some way. Once you are no longer useful, you’ll be dumped.
kim,
the human race at its best.
😯
Kim, you must have the patience of Job to work in that place! LOL Thanks for the chuckle. 🙂
Kim Frederick, EUGH!!!! The one thing about working in the hospitality/service industry is that we have some stories to tell, oh YES! LMAO!!!!
It must have been a Spath Blue Plate Special going, that day!
Lots of chuckles, here….
Always worth revisiting this article. Check, check,check……
Glad you brought it back up,Tea Light!It’s good to remind myself WHY spath targeted me!I believe it was a combo of 2,3,6,7&8.
My combo was 1 2 6 8 and 10 Blossom! The word ‘services’ is apt. My abuser wanted to be serviced. I remember getting an image once that I was in a “relationship” with a tamagotchi do you remember those Japanese toys that demanded servicing , kids had to constantly press buttons to feed them entertain them etc on demand or the thing ‘died’ andtthen the poor kid felt guilty and bereaved! Mine was a human Tamagotchi.
A quick question: Is sociopath afraid of being exposed? and What will he do once he is being exposed?
Because I recently filed a police report against one sociopath as well as reporting his behavior to his adviser within the college.
Not at all. Any attention a sociopath gets is good attention. He’ll probably make you out to be the crazy one. They can be so charming that they can convince anyone that they are the normal one. Just stay away from the the P/S.
Oh my yes! I’m a very strong personality and he made me look like the crazy one. They know how to push your buttons.
My exhusband is the latest sociopath in my world. (My birth family was my first, a nest of sociopaths.) He has a routine. When his bad side gets too obvious, he hooks up with a woman of stellar reputation who redeems him and saves him. “All he needed was a good woman”! Soon the story would get out that yes, he admitted to some bad behavior but he did it because he was so good hearted that he couldn’t say no to someone who pressured him into doing things what were out of character for him.
I learned I could expose FACTS that would save some people from being scammed. I say SOME people because even though the facts were there, people’s emotions ruled their reason. They wanted the promise my exhusband made to be true… so much so that they rejected the obvious evidence that he had played them for suckers. These were the people who were most physically dangerous, they came after the one who threatened their dream… the one who exposed the scam, ME.
Unless you can prove a crime, the best course of action is to LEARN from your experience about scammers and predators and go make a life for yourself far away from them. (God forbid you have a child with one. Then you are tied to HELL.)
I read this list with interest, and some of it resonates with the situation I’ve decided today to informally investigate.
Two people have been on the scene trying to “help” a family in the Midwest with its medical custody battle for an infant. Believe me, even if they’re sociopaths they’re nothing compared to the hospital, the county and the state, which have managed to perform atrocities while still looking good.
Do sociopaths sometimes hide under the guise of rescuing people from worse sociopaths?
What I’m noticing is that the family has kept these two people close, possibly from the beginning, rather than following competent legal counsel. I’m beginning to think they had something to do with those bad decisions, but I’m not sure if it was intentional or just blind — blinded by a need to feel important, perhaps. Maybe they’re just “sad sacks” who love to wallow in pity and victimhood situations. They’re both alcoholics.
One of them seduced me, and I’m fine, believe me. But I’m wondering if he acted to build “trust” in me so that I wouldn’t see what he was up to. It’s quite an amateurish move, because he didn’t check to turn the bullshit detector off on this thing before he started using it for his pleasure. (In other words, I’m still a bitch, and will still investigate you, even if you think we’re in a “relationship.”)
This site has been extremely helpful. Trying to follow solid advice regarding getting on with my own life, but still want to keep that cold dish (revenge) ready to serve.
I feel fortunate compared to a lot of the case stories. My husband moved out of state “to make a better future for us”. And it happened very shortly after I told him all my money was gone-we had gone through my nest egg. Few months later I saw Donna Andersen on Ricky Lake show and bought the book. My story is no different than the others – he fit the descriptions to a T.
So I began my investigation. Once I got the proof of his lies in black & white, I busted him to his friends and investors he left behind (which if/when he finds out – he most likely will want or try to kill me), and most recently he responded to my ‘bait’match.com profile (without a photo), listing himself as divorced. In checking his emails I saw he was getting notices from match.com so I set the bait. Also read emails from woman he obviously was seeing before he left town.Of course I’m holding all this information for future use. I’ve yet to see a divorce attorney for my own protection and saving my own home,I know his dating site profile is irrelevent since infidelity is moot. We have been talking about once a week (he’s been gone l 1/2 years), every other call is irate/irrational and is now trying to get me to say “divorce” for obvious reasons: it’ll be my fault, he won’t have to pay for atty, etc., so I’ve assumed he’s already found his next mark.
So all the advice I read is to move on (or run, run far), but I so want to jerk him around a little. Toying with him on the dating site (I haven’t responded yet) eventhough I’ve never used a dating site before and am not experienced in screwing with people, I feel an urge to give back to this fraud now, rather than after the divorce saying “yeah, I knew:xyz”. Because the only thing I can see, is he’s hanging on for is #9 & #10 from above article. Am I as low as he is for wanting a little revenge? And am I crazy believing a sociopath would recognize it as a taste of his own medicine?
rainysun – welcome to Lovefraud, and thank you for buying my book.
There is nothing wrong with wanting the sociopath to face consequences for his actions – as long as you are not damaged in the process. Sociopaths should face consequences. When they keep getting away with their atrocious behavior, they see no reason to stop exploiting people.