One of the defining characteristics of a sociopath is that they never take responsibility for anything. Nothing is ever their fault. Any problem they face is always caused by someone else, or circumstances beyond their control.
I’ll bet that a young sociopath invented the excuse, “The dog ate my homework.”
Early in my relationship with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, he explained that his innovative business venture wasn’t built because “the government took his land.” Of course, he never mentioned the fact that he never owned the land, and never raised the money to buy the land. He just blamed the government for his business failure.
Since I launched Lovefraud, I’ve heard countless stories of sociopathic excuses for their problems and antisocial behavior, like these:
- I’m screwed up because I was abused as a child.
- It’s not my fault that I lost my job — the customer ticked me off.
- I’m not to blame for raping a 14-year-old — she threw herself at me.
- I quit because my boss is a moron.
- I got arrested because the cops had it in for me.
- My ex is mentally unstable — but I put up with her for years.
- My ex won’t let me see my kids because she’s a psycho b*tch.
- The government froze my bank accounts so I can’t access my money.
- I failed because the teacher hates me.
- The guy was so hot-looking that I had to sleep with him.
- The driver gave me a dirty look, so I had to speed past him.
- The dog wouldn’t stop barking so I had to kill it.
In making excuses like these, sociopaths have one or more of these related objectives:
- Playing the victim
- Blame shifting
- Gaining sympathy
They are trying to convince the target — that would be you — that they deserve to be believed, trusted or helped, because they are not responsible for whatever problems they face.
If someone who you believe may be a sociopath is making excuses, here’s what you need to keep in mind:
- Sociopaths lie a lot, so any excuse may be a total fabrication.
- Even if sociopaths aren’t lying, they always have an ulterior motive.
- The excuses are attempts at impression management, to convince you to give them what they want.
So what outrageous excuses have you heard from sociopaths? Add your examples to the list.
After dating a sociopath, the advice you need for your recovery
Bam!
A huge red flag is when someone is never at fault. Every single thing is always someone else’s fault.
Watch for this!
Yes I wish I woukd have went with my gut at the very beginning when i questioned this. I’ll know how to watch out now!
She got pregnant because she drugged me. (said, husband to wife about his girlfriend)
I was ripped away from my dad and brought to CA.
I was told by phone.
I need to tell you something that I don’t want you to hear from someone else. My friend w( who I was staying with)raped me when I was pissed.
I was trying to comfort her because of her druggy husband.
I was only being nice.
I couldn’t finish it…( sounded annoyed)
She thought a bit of me belonged to a bit of her.
I never meant her to get the wrong idea.
“You are such a geek, anyone would want to punch you in the head.”
You made me like this.
If you did what I asked I’d be ok with you.
I learned how to be nasty/ spiteful / uncaring from you.
“You’ve got all that money and I’ve got nothin’ so you won’t miss it ’cause once a crim, always a crim and since I got out of prison no one’ll gimme a go.”
“Well you should get down on your knees and pray thanks to God for having a Mum like me and for not having been me when I was a kid.”
“If you only knew how hard it was to give you such a beautiful, beautiful childhood when all I had was… well you know what I had… you wouldn’t whinge about that…”
“That was consensual” after a violent sexual attack on me.
“I just don’t know you at all” after I was devastated by him molesting me in a sudden unexpected attack when my arm was in plaster
“I have hearing loss because of my job” after being asked why he didn’t stop when I told him I was uncomfortable with his hands near my private area in public
“They couldn’t handle my talent” so they made him redundant
“My aunt molested me as a child” when confronted by me on his sexually violating behavior