Nearly two weeks ago, watching the Philadelphia Eagles play the New England Patriots in a pre-season game, I heard TV commentators talking about the newest addition to the Eagles roster: dog-murderer Michael Vick. The news soon became official. The Philadelphia Eagles signed Michael Vick, the former star quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons who just completed a 23-month sentence for running a dog fighting ring. Vick spent 18 months in prison, then served the rest of his sentence in home confinement. Thousands of Eagles fans were outraged. “As a lifetime Philadelphia sports fan, I'm reeling from the Eagles' signing of Michael Vick, justifiably the most hated man in sports,” wrote Dan Bro …
True and pithy observations about narcissists
Editor's Note: Laughs in the e-mail today sent by a Lovefraud reader. Enjoy! Narcissist sayings about themselves: "A lie is as good as the truth if you can get someone to believe it.'" "I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me." About Narcissists: "He was the only man I ever knew that could strut while sitting down." "Every narcissist woman wants a man she can look down on." "There's nothing wrong with narcissists that reasoning with them won't aggravate." "She was truly a legend in her own mind" Things it is better NOT to say to a Narcissist: "I'd love to stay and listen to you talk about yourself, but I gotta run." "Before you begin, may I adjust your …
“Reverend” Tony Alamo, Pedophile and Conman, Finally Convicted for His Crimes
By Ox Drover My own personal opinion is that most humans, as a species, have a component that comprises “spirituality.” Evidence from some of the earlier cultures of our species when our ancestors were still living in caves indicate that these people had some idea that there were unseen gods or spirits in the heavens or in their worlds. I think for many of us our spirituality is also part of our healing path and helps us to set a moral compass to follow in our actions and thoughts. Most of the sacred writings of several belief systems I have read all indicate that kindness to others, charity, and doing good to your fellow man is primary to following that belief. Though history and ancient e …
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After the sociopath is gone: Living in the wonder of now.
It has been just over six years since the man who promised to love me ”˜til death do us part (and took the ”˜til death part way too seriously) was arrested. In the intervening years, I have grown and healed and cried and slipped and stood and leaped and wrestled with truth versus fiction. I have sought to make sense of his nonsense and dropped my need to understand him as I've struggled to find my one true self beneath the debris of his torturous ride through my life. And I have survived. I have stood up tall while the sky was falling down around me. I have turned sour grapes into the heady bouquet of sunlit days of wine and roses. I have uncovered lies. Torn away the darkness and peeled b …
After the sociopath is gone: Living in the wonder of now.Read More
Joey Buttafuoco, his libel lawsuit, and the truth
Joey Buttafuoco and his attorney held a press conference last week to announce their intention to file a lawsuit against Mary Jo Buttafuoco. Mary Jo, of course, just came out with her book, Getting It Through My Thick Skull—Why I Stayed, What I Learned, and What Millions of People Involved with Sociopaths Need to Know. The first words in the book are, “Joey Buttafuoco is a sociopath.” Joey believes he has been defamed. If Joey proceeds with the lawsuit, he will probably claim libel. Libel is publishing an untruth about another person that harms the person, or harms his or her reputation. (Libel is the written or broadcast form of defamation. Slander is oral defamation.) Generally, two main …
Develop your wise mind
In response to my blog last week a reader commented: I am a (borderline personality) BPD in love with a sociopath, I want to share the depth of sadness and emptiness that occurs in my soul knowing, I will never know the love and security that regular people have, Imagine how long life would be knowing you are not equipped with the same emotion's as everyone else. I have never understood why there is no compassion for those of us who were abused when we should've bonded. I did not ask to be this way and every day watch and listen to what others do in their relationships so I can do it too ( not that I have been successful , but I try). It is not that I can't love, it's the …
The “Blame” Card
After all these years, I remain struck and fascinated by how readily, abruptly, selfishly and destructively my more narcissistic clients use blame as an interpersonal weapon. This isn't a surprising observation: Don't like what you're hearing (because it's inconvenient)? Blame the messenger. Find an expectation oppressive (because it's inconvenient)? Blame your partner as a nag, a bitch, or as insatiable. Find it inconvenient to admit your deviousness or treachery? Blame the victim of your treachery for driving you into a corner and leaving you no choice (in other words, you betrayed me, before I betrayed you!). For such individuals, blame becomes a reflex. It is often staggering to …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I am losing control as a parent
Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader, who uses the name Samantha, has sent the following letter. She's looking for suggestions and feedback. I was married for 12 years to a sociopath who was a minister and had 3 affairs ”¦ it took me that many to finally "get it." We had 2 children who were 6 and 8 when I finally filed for divorce 4 years ago. It's been an ugly 4 years. During that time, I have worked as a teacher part-time making $22,000 a year with no benefits. I have been putting myself through school to get licensed in special ed so I can get into the public schools. I am almost there and got a new job this year. It's not public school and still not any more money, but it's special ed and …
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BOOK REVIEW: Emotional Vampires
This book has an appealing title and an appealing theme—comparing people with personality disorders to vampires. But my opinion of Emotional Vampires—Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry, by Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D., is decidedly mixed. The book gives a brief overview of personality disorders in general, and then discusses five types of problem people—antisocial, histrionic, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive and paranoid. The author provides checklists to help you identify the problem personalities, and tips on how to deal with them. Dr. Bernstein's writing style is breezy and entertaining, and he uses made-up anecdotes to illustrate his points. To be fair, it seems that the book is …
Empty, bored chameleons
Like many of you, I am very grateful for a few friends who acted as sounding boards as I processed my experience with a sociopath. The best talks have been with my exercise partner who is also a former Federal agent. About 2 years ago on one of our walks we discussed what it must be like to be inside the skin of a sociopath. Both of us tried to imagine what their inner world is like. On that walk we both connected with ourselves and each other in a way we hadn't before. The connection happened as we reflected on what it must be like to live a life without love. I realized that my sense of myself as a continuous person over time is based on the people I love and the values I have a …