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Archives for 2009

You are here: Home / Archives for 2009

After the sociopath: How do we heal? Part 15 – Comfort and Joy

December 25, 2009 //  by Kathleen Hawk//  199 Comments

Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, the turn of the year, the winter solstice and all the holidays of the “dark” time of the year are celebrations of the miracle of renewal. The harvest and colorful leaf fall of autumn is over, and the seasons are turning again to the beginning of the annual cycle of life. Our gifts, all our gatherings, the lights and candles are all expressions of joy in our shared warmth, and our faith and hope in our survival through the cold months to the blooming of spring again. This morning, reading in bed (Richard Powers' Prisoners Dilemma), I found this line: "Inside each of us is a script of the greater epic writ little, an atlas of politics so abundant it threats to fil …

After the sociopath: How do we heal? Part 15 – Comfort and JoyRead More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

Give yourself the gift of trusting yourself

December 23, 2009 //  by Donna Andersen//  78 Comments

It's the holiday season, and many of us are running around doing last minute shopping, trying to find gifts for everyone on our list—and possibly, with this economy, on a limited budget. But what are we planning to give the most important person on our list? That is, what are we planning to give to ourselves? This year, some of us have been forced to face the fact that the person to whom we dedicated our time, energy, love and money was a sociopath, thoroughly prepared to take everything he or she could from us. Some of us discovered this a year or two ago, and are still processing the awful truth. When we become entangled with a sociopath, it shakes the foundation upon which we built our …

Give yourself the gift of trusting yourselfRead More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Tips for co-parenting with a sociopath

December 21, 2009 //  by Lovefraud Reader//  87 Comments

Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a woman who we'll call “Penny.” She's been in a custody battle with the father of her child, who she believes is a sociopath. Although Penny has been able to gain full physical and legal custody of the child, and has a restraining order against the father, he still has visitation so Penny must deal with child exchanges. She's provided the following tips for others who are in similar situations. 1. STAY STRONG IN GOD! I know that this is difficult at times because I myself have been tried so much. Go to church regularly and tell the pastor(s) and counselors at your church what you are dealing with and ask them and the congregation to pray for yo …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Tips for co-parenting with a sociopathRead More

Category: Laws and courts, Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales, Sociopaths and family

Without Conscience

Choose to break your addiction to a sociopath in 2010!

December 20, 2009 //  by Liane Leedom, M.D.//  456 Comments

The New Year brings you a great opportunity to change your life for better health and well-being. In preparation for a better life, consider how recovering from loving a sociopath/psychopath is like recovering from addiction. Since the New Year is an opportunity, let's take the time to focus on recovery. A good friend of mine is struggling with substance addiction. This addiction is very similar to what many of you face because my friend was highly functioning before the addiction which started at mid-life. Before the addiction, he functioned well and was very productive. There is no obvious reason for my friend to be now at the verge of death from stimulants. When we recently discussed …

Choose to break your addiction to a sociopath in 2010!Read More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

Watch out for this defense mechanism

December 17, 2009 //  by Steve Becker, LCSW//  224 Comments

You are involved, say, with a pathologically self-centered personality, perhaps a narcissist or sociopath? That is, he wants what he wants when he wants it, and he'll do whatever's necessary (his entitlement) to get it, or take it. Key diagnostic trait: he reserves the right to punish you when you obstruct his agenda. Now here's the thing: in the heat of the moment, you may actually be pretty good at confronting his abuse. Maybe you stand up for yourself pretty effectively? Maybe, in the moment, you're even pretty good at setting limits and challenging his nonsense? So then what's the problem? The problem occurs when you step away from these incidents. In stepping away from them, …

Watch out for this defense mechanismRead More

Category: Explaining the sociopath, Sociopaths and family

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Trying to expose the sociopath made matters worse for me

December 16, 2009 //  by Lovefraud Reader//  196 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following from a reader who we'll refer to as “Tanya.” I was 35 when I met my sociopath we'll call him Dave. I was in a top twenty graduate business program a magnet for narcissists and sociopaths, by the way! A culture that so prizes appearances, financial accumulation, and power must seem irresistible to people with those disorders. Dave seemed so great at first attentive, interesting, intelligent, open, honest, fun. My friends warned that he was too flirty but I only took that as a sign that he was desirable and, hey, I won him over when others had failed. We were off and on for a few months the usual drama of dating a pure sociopath took its …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Trying to expose the sociopath made matters worse for meRead More

Category: Explaining the sociopath, Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales

100-year-old molester still considered a threat

December 14, 2009 //  by Donna Andersen//  39 Comments

Sociopaths do not change. As living proof, consider the case of Theodore Sypnier. Sypnier is a convicted child molester. He is 100 years old. He is about to be paroled, and the city of Buffalo, New York, is on edge. According to an article by the Associated Press: "Whether he's 100 or 101 or 105, the same person that was committing these crimes 10, 25, 30 years ago still exists today and has an unrepentant heart," said the Rev. Terry King, director of Grace House, which has twice taken Sypnier in from prison. "He is someone that we as parents, as members of the community, any community, really need to fear." The incident that landed him in jail took place in 1999, when Sypnier was 90 …

100-year-old molester still considered a threatRead More

Category: Explaining the sociopath

BOOK REVIEW: The Gentle Art of Verbal Self–Defense

December 11, 2009 //  by Joyce Alexander//  51 Comments

By Ox Drover The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense was written by Suzette Haden Elgin, an applied psycholinguist and an associate professor of linguistics at San Diego State University. Though first published in 1980, I think it is a nice, easily read and understood book detailing the “hidden” motives in some conversations with just about anyone, whether they are a psychopath or not. It teaches us easily understood ways of deciphering the unspoken messages in language and easy to remember “come backs” that are appropriate for just about any situation where there are “hidden messages” in conversation. Ms. Elgin wrote: For every person in this society who is suffering physical abuse, the …

BOOK REVIEW: The Gentle Art of Verbal Self–DefenseRead More

Category: Book reviews, Recovery from a sociopath

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Boundaries, zero tolerance, closure, moving on

December 9, 2009 //  by Lovefraud Reader//  211 Comments

Editor's note: This article was submitted by a Lovefraud reader. It has been about a year since my story was posted on Lovefraud, Not one thing about him was real. It has been two years since I broke off the short relationship with this disordered man. It is a year and a half since he stalked me. I hope to share at least some practical points that have helped me in the healing process. It does get better. And it is a process. I wish I could say that others may be helped PRIOR to involvement with a sociopath, but as we all know, sometimes the inevitable entanglement occurs before we even realize we have been manipulated. This entanglement would have ended much earlier if I had had clear …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Boundaries, zero tolerance, closure, moving onRead More

Category: Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales, Recovery from a sociopath

A holiday story for the 20-40 crowd

December 5, 2009 //  by Liane Leedom, M.D.//  20 Comments

This week we received a letter from a concerned mother of a young adult. In anticipation of the winter holidays I put it up (with some editing) and ask all of you who are struggling with leaving a sociopath to leave now out of respect for your parents and other family members who love you. If you are thinking of going back consider this story and your own family. A mother's story It was whirlwind intense romance, she dropped out of (school) to be with him. There is a huge physical attraction. He has had a very dysfunctional childhood, from a very successful family, has been on the streets since (his teens) (in and out of foster care), has been in prison for assault with a knife, …

A holiday story for the 20-40 crowdRead More

Category: Seduced by a sociopath

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