This is today's status for one of my friends on Facebook: “Let go of those who bring you down and surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you, and want the best for you” It's particularly apt for me at the moment, as the subject of what constitutes a healthy relationship has once again become something that is close to my heart. Last week, once again, I found myself re-evaluating the value of my friendships following a series of eye-opening realizations. Not just with one person, with a handful of people covering contrasting situations and differing levels of severity. Funny, don't you think, how sometimes the universe seems to conspire to make absolutely sure we get the poi …
Rape by deception
Lovefraud recently received an email from a woman in Israel. She says that she was involved with a man for almost two years, and had sexual relations with him. He promised that they would marry and have children. The guy seemed to have a wife, but he claimed it was a fake marriage to get a passport. Well, he was, in fact, married and leading a double life—a con man. The woman is trying to get him prosecuted for “rape by deception.” Yes, Israeli law includes the concept that consensual sex based on a false premise is rape. Here's the actual law: RAPE 345. (a) If a person had intercourse with a woman — (1) without her freely given consent; (2) with the woman's consent, which was ob …
TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: I have found a new pride and fearlessness
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a young woman whom we'll call “Adriana.” The name in the story below has been changed. This is a story about two girls who were on the same sports team in high school. Both showed lots of potential and both won lots of achievement awards ”¦ Both went on to do athletics in college. One was a sociopath ”¦ the other was shy and introverted. I was the introvert. Other people saw my success, but I just enjoyed athletics and was not seriously competitive... I was excellent because I enjoyed it. As strange as that sounds. I moved a lot as a kid... This last high school was the one I went to the longest: three years. Little did I know, …
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We can’t change them … so we must change ourselves
By Joyce Alexander RNP (Retired) We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one's predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation just think of an incurable disease such as inoperable cancer we are challenged to change ourselves. Dr. Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning I spent so much of my life trying to change others that it almost became a way of life for me. I was never very successful …
Dancing In The Rain
Thanks, again, for all your comments — I'm glad you seemed to like the more light-hearted approach on my last post! This week there have been so many things I could choose to write about that I simply don't know where to start. I can assure me, it's unlike me to be lost for words, but that's how it feels at the moment. You see, the past couple of weeks have been magical in so many ways. I have re-connected with old friends. Extraordinary business opportunities are opening up everywhere I turn. Publishing contract now agreed, the words are flowing for my first book (I am so excited!) And as if all that wasn't enough, one of my dear friends swam across The Channel from England to France t …
The sociopath’s predatory stare, revisited
I was recently asked to comment on the sociopath's “predatory stare,” and my first thought was to play it down somewhat. Not all sociopaths have this stare, or else it would be pretty easy to bust them for the “look.” On the other hand there's a form of the “predatory stare” that I want to remark on briefly in this short article that signals my return to the blog, again, on a more regular basis. It is really the “predatory stare,” but masked as the “romantic stare.” Again, not all sociopaths deploy the “romantic stare,” let's not kid ourselves. But some do. I've worked with many woman (and a few men) who can attest to it, and I'm sure many of you have had experience with it. What is …
Beginning the journey to wholeness
Last week, I posted Letters to Lovefraud: Who we used to be, written by the reader who posts as “Panther.” She called herself a “new survivor,” having just left the sociopath and gone “No Contact” less than a month ago. She wrote: Through reading various Lovefraud articles, I've realized that the veterans have so much invaluable advice to offer. However, at times I wonder how the voice of a survivor sounded right after the break. The reason this matters to me is because the veterans seem so much stronger than I feel right now. I cannot help but wonder, as I read through their wise words, if they have something I don't have, which enabled them to get over this. To Panther and other Lovefraud …
Where there is life, there is hope … or is there?
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) One of the things I was raised to believe was, “where there is life, there is hope.” It was one of the precepts I was taught to believe to always keep “hope” alive. In the last few decades, there have been many advances in the medical profession's ability to save people that not long ago have surely would have died. My grandfather was one of the early members of my family who was “saved” from a sure death from pneumonia by the first “sulfa drugs,” antibiotics. It was a miracle, as he was already thought by the doctors to be “sure to die,” but he returned from the very brink of death and survived. With cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) and advanced …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Who We Used to Be
Editor's note: The following letter was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as “Panther.” This little bundle of words comes from a new survivor. I write this hoping that I can find these thoughts to be consolation for myself, as well as to share them with others for the same reason. Through reading various Lovefraud articles, I've realized that the veterans have so much invaluable advice to offer. However, at times I wonder how the voice of a survivor sounded right after the break. The reason this matters to me is because the veterans seem so much stronger than I feel right now. I cannot help but wonder, as I read through their wise words, if they have something I don't have, which e …
Cigarettes And Sociopaths – Stop The Insanity
This week I am inspired to write following another intensely personal experience that happened to me the weekend before last. I was in London, attending Allen Carr's workshop “Easyway To Stop Smoking”. Yes, I am ashamed to admit that for most of my adult life I have been an on-off smoker. I have had countless long periods of non-smoking (six months, eighteen months”¦ two years was the longest) and I have never classed myself as a ”˜proper' smoker as I rarely exceeded ten a day. But I had been fooling myself. Because the fact is, as I learned last week, that I was an addict and I had been hooked right from the very start. During the course of the workshop, I came to the conclusion that add …