How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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The big problem with murderous sociopaths: They don’t look crazy

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Ever since the terrible slaughter of children and teachers in Newtown, Connecticut on December 14, 2012, public officials and ordinary citizens have been looking for answers. What can be done to prevent future schoolhouse tragedies? People are calling for stricter gun control laws, or armed guards in schools. People are lambasting the entertainment industry for producing violent movies and video games, which can desensitize vulnerable teenagers to the real pain of killing. People are advocating more institutionalization of individuals who obviously suffer from mental problems. Commentator Charles Krauthammer—who is, by the way, a psychiatrist—provided a good analysis of each of these is …

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Reliability – either it is or it ain’t

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By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) What is the one characteristic that we must have, and must demand in those with whom we are associated? My thought is that it is reliability. Most virtues exist on a “sliding scale.” These vary from “all the way” excellence to total ineptitude. Most folks are some where in the middle and that is pretty acceptable. The one virtue, however, that is all or nothing is reliability. You are either reliable or you are not. It is sort of like dead or pregnant either you is or you ain't. There is no middle ground. If I employed someone, I would be willing to put up with just about any deficiencies, but not with unreliability. The unreliable person is bound to …

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Schizophrenia and mass killing

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Paul Steinberg, a psychiatrist in private practice, explains schizophrenia and how it may have caused Adam Lanza to open fire in the Newtown, Connecticut school. An interesting point in the article is his discussion of the Goldwater Rule, an ethical standard of the American Psychiatric Association that prohibits members from discussing people they haven't examined. Consequently, it prohibits the people who may understand what happened from explaining it. Our failed approach to schizophrenia, on NYTimes.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Triggered

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I used to wonder exactly what it was that people were talking about when they said that an event or comment triggered them.  I had a text book understanding, of course, but could not think of an event that personally triggered me, bringing back overwhelming feelings stemming from past abuses. Recently, however, it happened and I experienced something I never had before.  Honestly, I am surprised it took as long as it did.  It was not a proud moment, as retrospectively, I can now think of about five different ways that I could have better handled the situation.  At the same time, I wouldn't really have changed it because of what it taught me.  My reaction was honest, showed me that my prio …

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DSM-5 creates new categories of mental illness – and costs

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Lovefraud has written about the American Psychiatric Association's new Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) in relation to the new guidelines on personality disorders. (Read Disarray in the DSM-5.) But one psychiatrist says the manual will create even bigger problems. New psychiatry manual is a giant step in the wrong direction, on PressofAtlanticCity.com. …

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Peace at Christmas

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Another Christmas is here. Again. Already. Some galactic entity must have revved up the planetary clock, because Christmases seem to be coming faster and faster. Even though we didn't all evaporate on December 21, 2012 with the end of the Mayan calendar, we seem to be hurtling into the future at breakneck speed. I've been dealing with holiday stress, such as running late while making hors d'oeuvres for a family party, and trying to figure out what gifts to buy for my teenage nephews. But that's easy stress. I am no longer pining for someone to spend the holidays with—an emotional void that made me vulnerable to the sociopath. And I am no longer going to family parties and pretending t …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Are cats sociopaths?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following from the Lovefraud reader who posts as NewLife43. I not only read Lovefraud to help me with the backlash from my 8-year relationship with my spath. I also read an interesting blog written by and for sociopaths, answering some of their questions, presenting criteria about what makes a sociopath what s/he is. It's very enlightening, particularly when I am sorely missing my ex-spath and need to remind myself why we are no longer together. Since it's on the Internet, the spaths are surprisingly honest. Sometimes, the posts can be very chilling, when they are honestly posting about the way they think, causing a shiver to run down my spine that I e …

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Exercises for becoming detached from the sociopath

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Before explaining the exercises in depth, let me explain what we have to get detachment from with the sociopath, in particular when s/he triggers “our inner victim.” We all have deeply ingrained reactions from childhood that are triggered in any committed intimate relationship. If you, for instance, had a good looking older sibling who did everything right and excelled in school, but you didn't, you might have an issue with not feeling “good enough” that gets triggered in your current relationship. It might come up in jealousy, or you may be waiting for your partner to wake up and realize he or she is with no prize and leave you. Perhaps you grew up in a home in which you were always correct …

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The mind of the mass killer

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Take someone who is mentally ill/unhinged, add rage, and paranoia, then weaponize this individual, and you've got a murderer/mass murderer on your hands. The “rage + paranoia” is a highly incendiary combination. In these mass murders it strikes me that "paranoia" is almost surely present and necessary—the murderous individual believes that it's “him against a world” that has "screwed him over," the world (and everyone in it) becoming a global, generalized “object” and "target" of his violent contempt and rage. His is a worldview in which he is the “outsider” and everyone else is "on the inside;” in his paranoia, immaturity and narcissism, he has divided the world into these rigid categori …

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