How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for 2012

Is your stonewaller a sociopath, or someone else? Stonewalling, Part II

//  by //  59 Comments

I wrote in my last article about stonewalling, that nefarious process (and pattern) of shutting down a partner's communication either aggressively, or passive aggressively, the effect of which is to leave the “stonewalled” partner feeling voiceless, alone, dismissed, negated as a person. Many sociopathic personalities stonewall, but many stonewallers aren't sociopaths, so how do you tell the difference? What are some signs that your partner's stonewalling is an aspect of his “sociopathy” versus, say, his high “conflict-avoidant” personality? Clearly some individuals are terrible at dealing with communication in general and conflict in particular. Their stonewalling may be mainly avoidan …

Is your stonewaller a sociopath, or someone else? Stonewalling, Part IIRead More

Sociopaths, sex and power

//  by //  118 Comments

Many, many people who were romantically involved with sociopaths have told me that the sex was amazing. Earth-moving. The best they ever had. At least, that's how it was in the beginning, while the sociopath was still reeling them in. The targets thought this amazing sex was proof of the real connection between themselves and the sociopath, proof that the two of them were wildly, deeply in love. The truth is that sociopaths are incapable of love. Oh, they're capable of feeling attraction. And they're capable of proclaiming love, very convincingly (especially when they're looking for sex). But they are not capable of genuine concern for another person's welfare, which is a key component …

Sociopaths, sex and powerRead More

When the sociopath stonewalls you

//  by //  69 Comments

Stonewalling is when someone shuts you down from communicating. He just “bails” on your efforts at communication, refuses to take you seriously; refuses to engage a discussion of your concerns. He may ignore or dismiss you, express fatigue with you (and your concerns); he may listen without offering a thoughtful, respectful response, and then credit himself for having listened, perhaps even listened at a length he may complain about. In any case his unthoughtful, lazy, dismissive, or flat-out non-response to your feelings and concerns captures the essence of stonewalling and will reflect his pure contempt for which he'll take no responsibility. Rather, he may depict you as a boring w …

When the sociopath stonewalls youRead More

Red Flags of Love Fraud: Best ever book on sociopathy

//  by //  41 Comments

Well, let me say it outright: Donna Andersen's latest book, Red Flags of Love Fraud, is hands-down the best book I've ever read on the subject of who sociopaths are, everything you need to know about them, and everything you need to know to reduce your risk of being violated by them. What a riveting book this is. I had a seriously hard putting it down, and never did for long. Andersen intermixes comprehensive information about every aspect of the sociopath's tendencies and modus operandi, with countless fascinating, concise case examples of sociopaths exhibiting their behaviors—that is, showing exactly what they look like—and how their victims experience their transgressions. At the hea …

Red Flags of Love Fraud: Best ever book on sociopathyRead More

It’s opposite day: When psychopaths project

//  by //  195 Comments

By Linda Hartoonian Almas, M.S. Ed We may not be wearing socks on our heads and our shirts may not be on backwards, but when psychopaths project their traits and behaviors on to us, things may seem as strange as if we were. Unfortunately, at first, what they are doing to us is far from obvious. We have no idea that they are taking their own shortcomings and reprehensible traits and behaviors and trying to make us believe that they are ours. Who would do that? Since the thought seems incredibly ridiculous to us and is the last thing we would consider doing, the possibility usually fails to cross our minds. As a result, we are almost always confused and defensive until we come to …

It’s opposite day: When psychopaths projectRead More

Through Fear To Love

//  by //  6 Comments

I'm sure many of us here have read Susan Jeffers' modern classic “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” — it's a book that invites us to understand and accept our natural feelings of fear and then use them to do something different and create a more positive life as a result. I first came across the book when I studied as a Louise Hay trainer back in 1997 and I still regard it as a hugely relevant, well-written piece of work that offers practical advice for many situations. Well, this week has been another opportunity for me to once again face my own fears — and also to acknowledge a few more of the hidden ones that have been sitting there niggling away in the background! Friday 13th was round t …

Through Fear To LoveRead More

Dating after the sociopath

//  by //  98 Comments

A reader posted the following comment on Lovefraud's Facebook page: "This website helps me too, but now, as I venture into the world of dating again, I find that my past is terrible hindrance. So difficult. Any advice gratefully received. Just want to be happy." Many times I've been asked, "After what your con artist ex-husband did to you, can you ever trust again?" Yes I can. I do. I am remarried, and I am happier now than I've ever been, in fact, I'm much happier than I ever was before the sociopath. So how do you climb out of the abyss of profound betrayal? How do you recover? How do you move forward, to the point where you can actually love again? Here are some lessons I've …

Dating after the sociopathRead More

Psychopathy Awareness review of Red Flags of Love Fraud

//  by //  Leave a Comment

Claudia Moscovici, author of the Psychopathy Awareness blog, recently posted a review of my new book, Red Flags of Love Fraud 10 signs you're dating a sociopath. She says: As a professional writer myself, I'd say that the most distinctive feature of Red Flags of Love Fraud is the quality of the writing, both in content and form. Donna's writing is well-documented and informed, engaging and psychologically insightful. Insight is when a writer manages to probe deep within, to explain analytically what may be only a vague intuition in the minds of readers. Good writing encourages readers to explore  their psyches, motivations and lives. Insight and introspection are especially important for vic …

Psychopathy Awareness review of Red Flags of Love FraudRead More

Red Flags of Love Fraud goes beyond surface in explaining the danger of sociopaths

//  by //  73 Comments

By Fannie LeFlore, MS,LPC Since she founded Lovefraud.com in 2005, Donna Andersen has heard heartbreaking and horrendous stories from people across the globe who've been victimized by sociopaths. Her new book does what we'd hope parents and schools do on a routine basis: Better prepare people for the complexities of real-life relationships and social interactions, whether business, romantic, family or friends. This requires, as uneasy as it may make us feel, acknowledging that some human beings simply are not interested in being decent, but actually seek to cause harm to others as a way of life. Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 Signs You're Dating a Sociopath, released in Spring 2012 by Ande …

Red Flags of Love Fraud goes beyond surface in explaining the danger of sociopathsRead More

BOOK REVIEW: Red Flags of Love Fraud by Donna Andersen

//  by //  31 Comments

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I was eagerly awaiting the release of this book, Red Flags of Love Fraud 10 signs you're dating a sociopath, and I was not disappointed at all. Donna Andersen, the owner of the LoveFraud.com website, received her “credentials” in dealing with sociopaths (psychopaths) when she married James Montgomery, a full-fledged con man. At the time Donna “enrolled” in this course in the University of Hard Knocks, she was totally unaware that this charming and charismatic man she had married was indeed a sociopath. He conned her out of more than $200,000 during the short course of their marriage, had numerous affairs, and actually fathered a child with another woman du …

BOOK REVIEW: Red Flags of Love Fraud by Donna AndersenRead More