How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: See, smell, taste, hear and feel freedom

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Editor's note: The following essay was submitted by a Lovefraud reader, who has discovered that she can find healing from her encounter with a sociopath through writing. Awakened Senses By Nancy Voelker I see ”¦ a field as I drive through the countryside. We had a picnic and laid looking at clouds, bodies entwined. I smell ”¦ smoke from a chimney. His arms were wrapped around me as music played softly and we watched the flames dance. I taste ”¦ butter on my finger as I make dinner in my quiet kitchen. We spent an afternoon boiling lobsters and gorging ourselves. Kissing butter off our chins. I hear ”¦ a song playing as I wander through the bookstore alone. He grabbed me and …

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Gratitude and Miracles

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Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. It is easy to get caught up in the pain and suffering and not see all the good.  Often times, when we are most hurt, it is difficult to see anything but pain and evil. The world is full of good, selfless giving, love and miracles.  We just need to look for it!  I like a saying I once heard that goes like this”¦ “You are what you pay attention” This is true for me because when I am grateful, I feel good.  And when I feel good, I anticipate good things and miracles.  If I am looking for these things, they tend to materialize. Today I am grateful for all of y …

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Actions Speak Louder Than Words

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This week I've been inspired by another motivational quote that I hadn't seen for a while: ”What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson And it got me thinking. Looking back over my own experiences of abusive people, I realize that I believed words over actions. That because the things they were doing were so divorced from the story I was being told, I decided that I must have misunderstood. It must be me who is misinterpreting the situation. It must be because I'm giving out mixed messages. Heck, perhaps it's just that I'm asking too much — perhaps I just need to be grateful for what I have and be more understanding of the other person's point of view? …

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Joe Paterno and ignorance of evil

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Joe Paterno, the legendary Penn State football coach, has died. I can't help but wonder if the travesty of the last few months, with his former assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, being charged with sexually molesting 10 young boys over 15 years, killed him. I'm not an alumna of Penn State. (I am, however, an alumna of Syracuse University, with its own scandal of an assistant basketball coach allegedly molesting boys.) Still, I hate to see the storied career of Joe Paterno forever blackened by the malevolent behavior of one man, if that proves to be the case. Some people argue that Paterno had to know what was going on. They argue that Paterno was so concerned about his legacy, the …

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Is the cruise ship captain a psychopath? I think so, and here’s why

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By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) The Italian cruise ship Costa Concordia wrecked a few days ago and early reports said that it had hit some rocks. Quickly though, reports came out that the captain, Francesco Schettino, had driven the ship closer than normal to those rocks on the way out of port in order to show off the ship to the residents. An article from the New York Times gives more details. More bodies found on ship, as transcripts reveal rebuke to captain Interviews from some of the over 4,020 passengers of the liner stated in news reports that it was “like the Titanic.” Only shortly after the shipwreck it was determined that the captain had left the ship early on, and als …

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When clergy are abusers

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Editor's note: The following list was compiled by Carolyn Waterstradt, who holds a masters degree in theology and will graduate with masters degree in social work in April 2012. Carolyn owns Inner Quest Healing, where she works with survivors of clergy sexual abuse. This partial list of grooming techniques was compiled from her research with 18 women who were abused by a member of the clergy. Her book, "Fighting the Good Fight: Healing and Advocacy after Clergy Sexual Assault," is a compilation of this research and will be available in spring 2012.  This article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. 10 Grooming Techniques Commonly Used in Cle …

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What Does Healing Look Like?

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Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Healing does not always look like what “I” think it should look.  Last week's post was another example.  I checked it late in the evening and read many posts that sounded like my post was doing more harm than good to some.  Frankly, it made me uncomfortable for a moment and I needed to think about what I was feeling.  I'd prefer everyone to say wonderful things about these posts and get well immediately, but that is not how it works. The Truth often makes us uncomfortable, because it means that we have a choice, and can do something about how we are feeling.  The a …

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Chain Reactions

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It's been another interesting week for me with a good few ”˜ah-ha' moments sprinkled in along the way. So this week I decided to write about how we are influenced as well as how we influence others and ourselves. First off, I'm wondering how many of you have seen the Skype Laughter Chain on Youtube? The description below it says “Laughter brings us closer together — it's a language we all understand. It's also contagious..” and it was made by filming peoples' reactions as they watched other people laughing. My son introduced it to me at Christmas, and since then I've watched it over and over as I continue to share it with friends. And you know what? Each time I can't help but start gigglin …

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Another documentary to spread the word about psychopaths

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Filmmaker Alexander Davidis has directed commercials for international advertising agencies and documentaries about historic race cars. Then he had an experience with a psychopath, and now wants to help tell the world that these predators live among us. Davidis already started by interviewing some of the world's leading researchers on psychopathy. To complete the project, he's listed it on Kickstarter, which is the world's largest funding platform for creative projects. He wants to raise at least $60,000. Kickstarter is interesting. Anyone can be a backer, pledging as little as $1 on a credit card. In order for the money to be collected, the project must reach its entire goal by the …

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Psychopathic mom pressing for more time with the kids

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Lovefraud received the following email from a man whom we'll call “Brad.” He has two children with a woman who was diagnosed as a psychopath. Brad is concerned about the kids spending more time with their mother. After the email, I'll make a few comments. But many of you have personal experience attempting to co-parent with personality disordered individuals, so if you have suggestions, please post them. I have custody of my two children. My son is 12, and my daughter is 10. I'm remarried too. I have had custody since 12/2007. The kids are doing great. There grades are A's and B's. We have a happy home. Ok, now the question. She was diagnosed as a psychopath, by a very professional psy …

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