Editor's note: The following story was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Alyce." When is it possible to forgive myself? I met a very charismatic man who was lecturing at a local dog boarding kennel. Over the course of a year I attended training, and I watched him help many people. He quoted science books and talked about papers he had written at university. We became friends, me asking for advice and he was always obliging beyond anyone else I met. I was quite attracted to him, but happy to keep that attraction to myself. Then he declared one day he was attracted to me. I suppose I was flattered. A romance began and we moved far too quickly. Before I knew it we were …
Man v. Mouse: “in sickness and in health,” as long as we are healthy
Life partners often vow to care for one another "til death do us part" and "in sickness and in health." But do these concepts apply to psychopathic partners or those high in psychopathic traits? You guessed it. They do not. If we are involved in a relationship with a psychopath and fall ill, we will see their true colors quickly. We can expect a marked difference between the behaviors exhibited in a real love and psychopathic "love." For if we have nothing to offer, they will not be there for us in our hours of need. It may not be immediate. We may feel secure in the first "hour" or two.  Those feelings, however, will quickly give way to reality. Initially, their words will comfort …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I need to have my experience to count for something
Editor's note: The following was written by Noelle R. Andrews, author of "Aftermath of Rock 'n' Roll." Read about her book in the article posted earlier today. Some people are born selfless. Mother Teresa, who worked with Calcutta's poor for decades, is a classic example. The caring people who worked with lepers on Hawaii's island of Molokai are another. Other people, like me, take up a cause because some experience has affected our lives in a profound way. Susan G. Koman's sister died of breast cancer. The foundation she created in her sister's honor is one of the best-known fundraisers for this disease. Jennie McCarthy has fought to raise awareness for autism, after her son was given …
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BOOK REVIEW: The Aftermath of Rock ‘n’ Roll
Like many of us here at Lovefraud, the author of this book thought she met her soul mate. He swept into her life, showered her with attention and affection, and, once she accepted his lavish but far-too-quick marriage proposal, quickly set out to use her, and then destroy her. The cover of this book lists the author as "Noelle R. Andrews," but that's a pseudonym. She wanted to protect her family and her career—she works as a radiologist. The perpetrator isn't identified either—his fake name is Adrian Mammon. This man worked—when he bothered to work—impersonating a famous, now aging, rock star. He treated his gigs as paid opportunities to get drunk and behave obnoxiously. When he wasn't wor …
Acceptance: I don’t have to like the situation, but I recognize the truth of what it is
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." After the sociopathic ex left our marital home, I fell into a vortex of fear, panic, anxiety, and desperation that I had previously never even imagined to exist. At that time, I was unemployed and extremely sick from the autoimmune disorder that had laid me low years before. I was left with no income, no access to joint accounts, no computer to check said accounts, a mortgage that was being "accelerated" into foreclosure, a car loan and utilities that were all in arrears of no less than 3 months, and change in a glass jar. The financial arrears were a complete surprise I had no idea that these accounts were …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He told me exactly what I wanted to hear
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader "wantmylifeback41." When I first met him, I felt I loved him before I even knew him. He is the total opposite of me— a short, stocky dark hair Italian with eyes that seemed to focus on my every word. He moved quickly with me, telling me God had sent him an angel and he couldn't wait to begin a life with me. I was so drawn to his looks and him being so attentive on me, I fell for him quickly. Daughters He is nine years younger than me and told me of his abusive childhood from his mother. I felt the need to protect him. He had two daughters at the time who were around 5 and 6 (they are 12 and 13 now) that his mother …
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Sex, acid and intrigue at the Bolshoi ballet
A former principal dancer at the Bolshoi Ballet claims young ballerinas were expected to have sex with wealthy patrons. Bolshoi Ballet 'a giant brothel,' former dancer claims, on CBC.ca. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
Dealing with the predictably unpredictable
When in recovery from a relationship with an individual with psychopathic traits, we must plan for the fact that little will go according to any sort of reasonable plan. When dealing with these individuals, one of the most difficult things we must accept is our lack of ability to predict the timing of their surprise attacks. This does not mean that we must live in fear. However, it means that for our own emotional and physical security, we must be aware and ready for almost anything. I learned fairly quickly that if I wanted to thrive, or merely just survive, it was what I had to do. I am not unique in that way. I had to learn to expect the police at my door for unnecessary wellness c …
Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW: Blame your brain – brain science about optimism
By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, located in Bernardsville, New JerseyI recently wrote about how partners of sociopaths tend to take responsibility when things go wrong in the relationship, figuring ways to make it better. We then blame ourselves for overlooking warning signs early on, and for not leaving immediately when we did see them. Sometimes we blame our childhoods for the vulnerabilities that made us caretakers who overlook and tolerate abusive or rejecting partners. Neuroscientists tell us that our behaviors are about 90% driven by our subconscious minds. That means 90% of what we are taking in from a person on a conscious level is being received by our subconscious minds, not our conscious …
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Triton High School sex scandal: What were they thinking?
Last fall, a scandal erupted at Triton Regional High School in Runnemede, New Jersey. Three popular teachers—young and male—were arrested for inappropriate relationships with three female students. Two administrators—the principal and a vice principal—were also arrested for failing to report the relationships to the proper authorities. Read: 5 charged in alleged teacher-student relationships at New Jersey high school on CNN.com. Last Friday, Jeff Logandro, 32, and Daniel Michielli, 27, both math teachers, pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit official misconduct and were sentenced to 30 days of home confinement and three years probation. They are also barred from teaching again in New …
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