Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who lives in Greece and Cyprus. We’ll call her “Evangelina.”
My brother is 14 years older. He took charge of my life’s choices (where to live as a child, what to study as young person applying for university), and I blindly followed, as I fully trusted him. He was my brother after all ”¦
He then turned nasty every single time I did not fulfill his expectations. He even lied and said often that a choice that was made by him, was only mine.
Lovefraud recently received the following question:
I’ve read in multiple places, written by multiple specialists that psychopaths/sociopaths cannot be rehabilitated or changed.
Surely I’m not the only person to have asked this: Why not?
The short answer to this question is simple: Psychopaths don’t change because they don’t want to.
The key to any kind of behavioral change is desire. It’s hard work to change the way we relate to other people, the world or even ourselves. The reason any of us embark on a self-improvement project is because we are not happy. Our relationships are not fulfilling, we believe we could do better in our careers, or we just want to feel better. For reasons like these, we are motivated to change.
Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Ingrid.”
I met my Sociopath over 10 years ago and just like in all the books and blogs I have read as of late fell hard and fast for what I thought was honesty as he would look me right in the eyes and tell me everything any women wants to hear ”¦ you know how beautiful I was, how he wishes he would have met me in his twenties, how we are so much alike, blah, blah, blah.
Catfish Profiles are personal write-ups containing fictitious information, and they are prolific in internet dating. And all too many participants here on Lovefraud have first-hand knowledge of this heart-wrenching problem.
As many of you are aware, I’ve been working diligently to create laws that will prevent victims from being defrauded into relationships. I’m happy to report that on October 21, 2015, I’ll be testifying before legislators in New York State about this problem.
Why are there more men in business management then women? In the Harvard Business Review, Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, professor of business psychology at University College London, argues that it’s because we can’t distinguish competence from confidence.
Who exhibits tremendous confidence? People with personality disorders narcissism, psychopathy, histrionic. And statistically, more men are disordered than women.
Chomorro-Premuzic also points out that the characteristics that enable disordered people to get the job are also the characteristics that make them fail.
According to the program, psychopaths thrive in business.
Tonight at 9 p.m. on CBC, our Canadian readers can watch The Psychopath Next Door, which “provides a chilling and provocative examination of those in our midst who act without conscience.”
The documentary featuring several well-known experts on the disorder, such as Dr. Robert Hare, professor emeritus at the University of British Columbia, who developed the Psychopathy Checklist Revised. Dr. Steven Porter, also of the university, says:
“Psychopaths are every bit as rational as any human being, if not more so, because they don’t have the noise of human emotion. Psychopaths do know right from wrong in the ‘cognitive’ or rational sense, and even do as well on moral-reasoning tasks in the lab setting as the rest of us.”
Editor’s note: The Lovefraud reader “Seekeroflight” sends us the following story related to her almost being dragged into a cult. In Lovefraud’s view, cult leaders are sociopaths on steroids, and engage in mind control over cult members.
There is a story from my past that I’ve wanted to share somewhere publicly, and I am thinking this might be a good place to do so. It doesn’t deal with a sociopath directly, but it is a type of situation that those of us vulnerable to sociopaths also may be vulnerable to. I certainly was. It also deals with a specific group which is incredibly dangerous, but of whom there is almost zero knowledge of within the United States even though they are practically at our doorstep.
I have woken up to the fact that I am living among a nest of snakes. This includes my kids that I love. Can you recommend anything to read that helps with negotiating with a psychopath? They are so angry and so nasty. However, things “must” be worked out. Any suggestions on reading materials?
The safest approach to take with a psychopath is not to negotiate at all, to get the person out of your life. Unfortunately, this is not always possible, especially when the psychopath is your spouse and you share children.