How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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How Sociopaths Fool You Into Thinking They’re You’re Friend

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Chapter 4 Richard Parker Is Not Your Friend Psychopathic expert Kent Kiehl has contributed enormously to the field. He says that every adult psychopath he has ever worked with was different as a child, and not in a good way. When he looks through their prison files, he finds all kinds of stories about how much trouble they caused, how they never connected with friends, how they didn't join teams, and how they were ultimately the black sheep of their families. Sounds like what you would expect, right? A psychopath is not and never was your friend. Here's my issue. Kiehl works with prisoners. Prisoners have been caught. And so when you believe him—which is likely, since he's an …

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After A Relationship With A Sociopath/ Psychopath, Finding The Right Support Can Be Challenging

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  Getting out of a relationship with a sociopath can be dangerous, draining, and confusing. For me, and I'm guessing for many others, this can be exacerbated by the fact that finding the right support during this vulnerable time can be difficult. Finding The Right Therapist There was virtually nothing left of me after almost two decades of being unwittingly married to a sociopath --chronic, subtle criticism; gaslighting; isolation; blaming; triangulating, intermittent love/affection, etc. To weaken me further so that he could prevail in our divorce, my then husband started using full frontal assaults as well—verbal abuse, financial terrorism (pretending he could no longer draw a salary …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I was his “front” – no one would believe he was hiring hookers

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Editor's note: The following story was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "stillinshock." I was going through a horrendous divorce with a man I had a child with when the predator struck. I was in a vulnerable position, scared to death by the man I was divorcing who was threatening to take my children, my home, my freedom and my life. My spath was a retired cop. Swooped in playing the knight in shining armor (boy, I am sure he could smell the blood in the water). He was friendly, charming, and could tell stories and entertain for hours. EVERYONE liked him. I wasn't looking to date ”¦ I was going through a divorce, but he came highly recommended by mutual friends, and I started to …

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The top 5 brazen lies your psychopathic partner tells you

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When you become romantically involved with a psychopath, he or she will be lying to you from the very beginning or your involvement, although you won't realize it right away. Eventually, you may start catching inconsistencies, like he said he was here, and now he's saying he was there. Or she said she did this, and now she says she did that. You'll shrug your shoulders, assuming that you misunderstood. Or, you'll ask for clarification which your partner will answer with more lies, although you won't realize that either. So you may recognize that your partner exaggerates, or likes to spin stories, or even offers contradictory explanations. But you probably won't spot the really big lies, the …

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The sociopath said he’d pay me back from his Mexican inheritance

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Petula." I met him online in July 2014, fell hard and fast and moved in two weeks later. In September he spoke to me about an inheritance that he hadn't claimed in Mexico after his parents' deaths in 2009. It included a million dollar property and a huge bank account. I was shocked. We were engaged in December 2014 in Las Vegas and supposed to move to Mexico City in February to take care of all the paperwork and get a better evaluation on the house, as well as remove personal belongings. He promised me he would care for me and protect me, make sure I would always have the best medical treatments, etc. I quit …

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There are Degrees of Conscience and Empathy

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Hello. I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite failed systems that left me in constant contact with …

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Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW: Rollercoaster Relationship Recovery Teleseminar Begins January 26, 2016. Registration is open!

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When people contact me whether locally or from someplace else in the world — it's because they are hurting over a toxic relationship and need relief. In addition to needing help and healing and support and guidance around their difficult relationship with a person who may have a personality disorder, they usually have questions like these: Am I seeing my partner clearly? How can I make sense of what is happening here? If my partner has a personality disorder, can it get better? Can I help them get better? What do I need to know about personality disorders? How could they have a disorder if they were so wonderful to me at the beginning? Doesn't that mean they just don't love me anymore? Do …

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Why No Contact With A Sociopath Is So Important

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Healing from a relationship with a sociopath is hard, often brutally hard. Don't add to that by being hard on yourself if your own path is filled with dark days and setbacks--even setbacks you may have caused by diverting from a path of "no contact." We are human. We are imperfect. Seek support from those who understand and will not judge. It's okay. All we can ever do in life is to move forward. No Contact/No Emotion Yet, as soon as possible, no contact with a sociopath is important. If no contact isn't possible for legal, custody or other reasons, keeping the contact minimal and totally devoid of emotion is critical. Why? Because sociopaths feed on emotion. I just finished reading a …

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Q&A with Amber Ault, PhD, MSW – clinical social worker specializing in personality disorders

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Editor's note: Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW, is author of "The Five Step Exit—The skills you need to leave a narcissist, psychopath or other toxic partner and recover your happiness now." She will also be presenting online courses in Lovefraud's upcoming Continuing Education program. What experience have you had dealing with sociopaths or other disordered personalities—personally, professionally, or both? I provide mental health assessment and services both to people who have personality disorders, including psychopaths, narcissists, and people with Borderline personality and to partners, family members, and others who are intimately involved with them. In my role as a mental health crisis …

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Classic sociopathic control strategy: Accusing you of cheating

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I was sitting at my kitchen table one day during my marriage to the sociopath, James Montgomery. We were arguing I don't remember what about; we argued a lot. All of a sudden, Montgomery accused me of sleeping with another man. I was shocked. I had been friends with the man for about 15 years before I even met Montgomery. We were good friends. But that's all friends. Still, Montgomery raged at me, "I know you had sex with him." I denied this, vociferously. Montgomery kept accusing but eventually backed down. The accusation came out of thin air. I hadn't even seen my friend in months. So why did Montgomery do this? Sociopaths assume everyone cheats First of all, most …

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