How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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After the sociopath, taking back power and standing up to bad behavior

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By Eleanor Cowan On Tuesday, a young friend from Montreal called with good news. A single mother of four children, proud of her escape from an abusive ex-husband, Kaila is back at school, works part-time to cover the groceries, and, each week it seems, successfully faces yet another challenge to advance her world. On Monday, a problem with the toilet required a plumber. Kaila called the “cheapest in town” ad circled in red ballpoint in an old phone book. In his early 50’s, the uniformed plumber waited for Kaila to return from taking her children to school that morning. As he inspected the toilet in her apartment, he began to talk about the high cost of living. Raising his eyebrows, he w …

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Sociopathic deception: A plan or second nature?

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Lovefraud received the following question from a reader: When a sociopath targets his victim, does he think and create a plan as to HOW he is going to manipulate his prey to glean what he wants, or is this just second nature to him?  How can he spend MONTHS being such a kind, considerate person, going out of his way to do the "little" things that matter in life, before turning into the evil monster? When you have been deceived and manipulated by a sociopath, the most difficult idea to grasp is how totally different people with this personality disorder are from the rest of us. Their behavior is different from everything we thought we knew about human interaction. Sociopaths—both male and …

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Contempt and double standards = sociopath red flags

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Subtle signs of a sociopath Last week, I was on a long walk when I passed an older couple walking on the sidewalk in the opposite direction. I nodded as we passed, and I honestly don’t recall receiving any acknowledgement. They clearly seemed “together,” yet the way they were walking signaled something was very wrong. Briefly, I had a sense of knowing. “I bet he’s a sociopath," I thought. You see, although they were on a walk “together” he was walking about ten feet in front of her, and had been ever since I spotted them walking toward me. That simple act communicates a lot—none of it good, as it signals an underlying lack of respect. Why are so few of us warned about sociopaths? …

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The Atlantic tells the story of serial con man Derek Alldred and his multiple romance scams

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For several years, Lovefraud posted articles about Derek Alldred, a con man who scammed women in Minnesota, Texas and other states. He posed as a war hero, physician, investment banker and more, scamming about a dozen women out of more than $1 million. The creep is finally in jail. And The Atlantic has written a comprehensive story of his exploits — and how his victims banded together to stop him. The perfect man who wasn't, on TheAtlantic.com. My comments on the article: Not once did the author mention any personality disorder. She made the statement that "America loves a con man." Because Alldred impersonated a Navy SEAL, he was investigated by NCIS. That's the first time I …

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How could such a wonderful young man turn into an evil sociopath?

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Editors note: Here's a letter Lovefraud received from a reader whom we'll call "Charlotte18." Donna Andersen's response follows the letter. About a year ago, my husband was arrested for kidnapping a couple of friends of ours. Since then, I have been discovering so many other nefarious things he was doing behind my back, such as stealing money for a living, having relations with other men, committing tax fraud, and the list goes on. As I look back on our relationship, nearly every one of the items you listed on your checklist ring true for our relationship, but I was very blind to them before his arrest, except for the gaslighting. I called him out on that about three months before his …

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Gaslight–how the movie mirrors real life

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  Gaslight Last weekend I watched the classic movie, Gaslight. For those of us who have been in a relationship with a sociopath, it is a great reminder that we weren’t imagining things and how good these puppeteers are at what they do. We were not paranoid, or too sensitive, or unable to take a joke, or fill in the blank. We were being purposely manipulated and deceived by someone who never loved us, has no ethical rudder; and, at our expense, was using us for their personal gain. To weaken us in order to achieve those goals, the sociopath has many tools that go beyond gaslighting—making us question our own reality. Ironically, the flickering of gas lights that Paula obs …

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