As many of us have painfully learned, before sociopaths dump one victim, they usually have already targeted another. In the following letter, a Lovefraud reader asked what she should do about the new victim:
I am finally away from the sociopath, although he still continues to contact me from time to time demanding money. He has a new target—as always, a financially secure woman, vulnerable and he has “given her a shoulder to cry on.” Her father just died, her mother has cancer and she stands to inherit some valuable land and she is already “hooked” thinking that he is “so caring” and “has been there for her and she for him.” He has told her I left him took all his money, etc.—the same story I got 10 years ago.
I’d like to be selfish in this, and just let him wander on to the new target, which means he will leave me entirely alone, but I feel so bad knowing he is going to ruin the life of a naive, vulnerable woman. My predecessor told me she “thanked God every day that I came along,” and part of me wants to do the same and let him “move on,” but I feel somewhere I should warn this woman. Had my predecessor told me everything she eventually told me, things would have been a lot different. I lost everything, including my social standing, my reputation, my integrity and self respect, not to mention my company and all my assets through his wild spending and lying about “business deals” and his abilities.
My question is this: Should I contact the other woman and tell her what I know? Or can I just “mind my own business” and let nature take its course. I wish someone had told me what I was facing.
Try to warn
This is a question I’ve heard many times. Should you warn the next victim?
In my opinion, if you can do it safely, I think you should try.
If you believe the predator fits the description of a sociopath, it may help to describe him or her that way. When people realize there is a personality disorder called sociopathy, and the disorder has distinct symptoms, it may make the warning more effective.
For example, if you said, “the guy (or woman) will cheat on you and take your money,” the next target, having already been told by the predator that you’re a disgruntled lover, may assume that you’re just bitter.
But if you said, “I believe the guy (or woman) is a sociopath, and to learn more about the disorder you should read Lovefraud.com,” maybe the person will go to the Internet, look up the behaviors and then recognize the symptoms.
Will the new victim listen?
The key question, of course, is will the new target heed your warning? We all know how good sociopaths are at flattery, soliciting pity and manipulation. The sociopath has already told the new target about all the terrible things you did to him or her. The sociopath may have the new target partially or totally brainwashed. Your words may or may not get through.
Still, you know what will happen to the new target. You know the pain and devastation the predator will inflict. You know what you’ve been through, and you don’t want to wish it on anyone.
In my view, you should try to prevent another casualty. But what do you think?
Should you try? Do you think the new victim will listen? Did someone try to warn you? Did you listen?
Please post your views on the Lovefraud Blog.
hens
I live in a mobile home or a trailor house, it’s nice I built on to it have decks all around, a pool out back, it doesnt roll down the road..But people still refer to people in trailors as trailor trash,, I love my little trailor tucked back in the woods,,
bulletproof
hens you are trailor treasure!!
hens
thanks bullet – I think so too ~! One mans trash is now another man’s treasure..LMAO
purewaters3
Haha! –> to what hens said above.
verity
No need to apologise b_b_e, and I’m sure you’re not ignorant. 🙂 I just wanted to clarify the slang for the non-Brits. My spath called me another word for ‘trashy’ in one of his less charming moments. Only the best for him, of course. Henry, your trailer sounds lovely to me. I love the woods.
Delta1
Hens – check out the series Trailer Park Boys (Canadian) if you haven’t heard of it b4. It’s bleedin’ ‘ilarous mate (uk accent alert!)
lol
Delta 1
Ox Drover
The term “trailer trash” was from years and years ago but now most “manufactured homes” are not trashy at all but quite nice. Plus, if you deck around and land scape they can be absolutely gorgeous anyway.
Besides, “trash” can refer to people in a 50 room mansion, look at Tiger Woods, that man is TRASH, I don’t care if he did give his wife a 750M$ settlement, there isn’t enough money in the world to wash the trash off him. Mel Gibson is TRASH, ditto, not enough money in the world to clean up his act.
So living in a manufactured house or a mansion isn’t what makes you TRASH, but ACTING trashy is what does.
Acting “tacky” is about one step above acting “trashy” LOL
Delta1
Hello all
God I wish I could afford to be trailer trash.
In the area that I live (Brixton -London) a one bedroom flat without garden costs £215,000 approx at cheapest (USD 335,000 approx). This is a high crime area which is a great training ground for learning about crack, crime and depravity. We’re the softcore UK version of the Bronx!)
A trailer park home would cost USD 156,000 p/a with fees and I can hardly even afford it on my USD 28,950 as a public employed CP social worker.
HA HA HA – I can’t even afford to live on a trailer park – being trailer park ‘trash’ would be an upward move in social status for me!!! And I’ve got 2 masters degrees! LOL
Oh well – I have much to be thankful for and am happy in my life whether I’m a member of the ‘property owning’ class or not. This is a very UK thing I think – small island, space at a premium.
Blessings to all –
Delta 1
skid
I was sort of warned by the previous victim who said “I hope you get a better deal than I did”. I did not think much of that comment until 20 years latter.
When I discovered what she had been up to with our neighbor, my first thought was he deserves everything that’s coming to him. I reconsidered
after a third party informed me about some of the things she had been telling him about me.
After sending him some information, my ex-sociopath informed me that he was “intimidated” by me. He sure did not seem intimidated while they were sneaking around behind my back and lying to me.
So as I see it, if someone knows that the other party is in a relationship, they do not deserve a warning.
HealingAndFree
To all the people describing their constant sore throats & other odd symptoms with lymph nodes, etc….I went through this as well for YEARS after the psycho…the first fear of mine was STD too, because they were such a liar and cheater…but I was clear, whew. My immune was shot. I got everything that came my way. You have been through high levels of continual stress for prolonged time. Your adrenal system is probably worn out. Research adrenal fatigue, adrenal insufficiency. You will likely need to support your body with a lot of vitamins, minerals, supplements and a very health-conscious diet and tons of sleep because not only do your mind and emotions need to heal…so does your body now too. I am on cortisol (steroids) daily. My body no longer produces it. I’m subclinical addison’s disease. Thank you psychopath. If you catch and treat it earlier before stage 4 adrenal fatigue, you can reverse this. Also if the adrenals go untreated for long, it can domino effect into thyroid disease. Please take care of yourselves! Best of luck.
stronginthecity
Amen and thank you!
SITC