Here’s more proof that total No Contact is the way to recovery. A new study finds that continuing to follow a former romantic partner on Facebook after breaking up makes it harder to move on. Read:
Study: Stalking your ex on Facebook is bad for you, on ZDNet.com.
Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.
behind_blue_eyes
Truthspeak;
I have not looked at any of his profiles since I came across that one in February. But even talking about it triggers me.
But you are right. Nothing I can do will stop him from being a predatory liar.
lovinglem
Fortunately I have no interest in what my ex is up to since the divorce, BUT I do have a question for all of you. What, if anything, do you do if you find out he’s dating? Part of me feels compelled to warn her, but how? And part of me knows that it wouldn’t be wise, and she wouldn’t believe me anyway, and it could be dangerous for me and the kids.
I just feel sick about what could happen to this woman. God help her.
My parents often lament about the fact that no one warned me about my ex before it was too late. But no one knew, except maybe his parents, and their perceptions of course were clouded by parental devotion. I do grieve over the fact that there was no one to warn me, and because of that I ended up throwing my life away for a man who hated me. The consequences are brutal and lifelong.
I just don’t want to see another life ruined by this monster.
Ox Drover
dear loving lem,
we have discussed this here on LF many times, and the consensus seems to be that warning her will fall on deaf ears. He has already told her how crazy you are and how you will lie and she is “l,ove bombed” to where you will just seem to be showing exactly what e said you were.
You can’t follow him around for the rest of your life warning the women he is exploiting.
For ytour OWN health I suggest that you don’t talk to anyone about him, don’t listen to any information others try to give you about him. NO CONTACT means all of that. No listening even and if some mutual friend tries to tell you what he is up to, tell them in no uncertain terms that you are NOT INTERESTED IN HEARING IT.
F
skylar
lovinglem,
maybe this is what Jesus was warning about when he said, “don’t throw your pearls before swine, lest they be trampled.”
Spaths have a certain way of operating and that ALWAYS includes slandering the previous woman or man they were with. They describe us as crazy. Well, yes, they did try to drive us crazy to the point of suicide. So it is a “tell” as much as it is an isolation tactic. As Oxy pointed out, by now you have been slandered up one side and down the other.
For myself, I warned a few people, but then realized that some of THEM were spaths and were hoping I was going to kill myself. (including a married couple who had pretended to like me — weird.) I also warned the gf of his millionaire friend in hopes that she could prevent his death, but I’m not sure she believed me either.
So it occurred to me that the best thing I could do is WARN THE WORLD. And so here I am.
Those who are ready to hear, will hear. Those who aren’t will eventually learn. Thank God for the internet because before we had this forum, it was almost impossible to find out what we were up against.
My friend M, killed herself. She was the most intelligent, lovable, beautiful person, I’ve ever known. She died before I knew what a spath was. I couldn’t save her.
I think that without this forum, many of us here would have ended up in much worse shape than we are. So use your knowledge to save people who are ready to be saved.
lovinglem
Thank you so much ox Drover and Skylar,
My gut feeling was to stay out of it, and you’ve confirmed that for me. And yes, thank God for the internet and for this site. I credit this site especially for helping me through the year long divorce battle. One of the things I learned here was “no contact” and you are so wise to advise that. I used to take his calls and listen to his damn messages every single day and my emotions were up and down and I lived in constant dread of him because of his threats and intimidating statements. Now I don’t talk to him ever unless I have to in regards to the children. I unplugged my answering machine so I don’t ever have to hear his voice on that thing again. The “no contact” thing has helped me tremendously.
As far as not throwing my pears before swine, she may not be swine. He is for sure, but she may be an honest, sweet, unsuspecting soul like I was. I just feel so sorry for her.
Ox Drover
Dear lovinglem,
Feel sorry for her from a distance. She is responsible for her own choices just like you and I were/are.
Sure, she may be getting a load of bs that she believes but she is not going to be ready to hear what you have to say NOW. There may be a time she contacts you and you can tell her the truth,, but until then (and even then, be CAUTIOUS) just refer her here to this wonderful site where she can learn for herself. Or suggest Donna’s book about RED FLAGS OF LOVE FRAUD….in the end, we all have to save ourselves.
skylar
lovinglem,
I didn’t say she was a swine, just that she has been poisoned against you, so she will trample your pearls of wisdom and warning.
Honestly, if you feel that she needs to be warned. Send her Donna’s book, Red Flags of LF, anonymously. It might get through to her, but wait until he has turned in Mr. Hyde, then she’ll make the connections.
skylar
Oxy,
are you reading my mind today? everytime I post something, I look up and see that you beat me to it!
lovinglem
Skylar,
I understand what you meant now. Thanks for clarifying that.
Yes, I’ll stay out of it unless she contacts me which is unlikely. I’ve thought about sending her a book anonymously but I think it’s most likely that my ex will suspect me, so I probably won’t.