I did not experience violence at the hands of my sociopathic husband, and for that I am eternally grateful. But 36 percent of the people who completed the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey said they were physically abused, and 34 percent said their lives were threatened.
A short film by Sharon Wright, called Tell Me That You Love Me, provides a chillingly accurate depiction of violence in an intimate relationship. It’s chilling and accurate because she experienced it.
Sharon explains why she made the film in a separate YouTube video. I cannot add anything to her words, except to thank her for making the film. It captures, in a little over five minutes, the horror of domestic violence, and the aftermath for the victim.
I also thank Robert in Seattle, who forwarded the links.
P.S. This film may be triggering to Lovefraud readers. Sharon suggests that you not watch it at work or around small children. I second her advice.
[youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/6coONebv-Qs] [youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/2x4694ExyCU]
Wow.
Yes, that triggers.
The first thought that came into my head is that, before I lived some of this, I had watched a couple films portraying domestic violence, like the Julia Roberts movie Living with the Enemy. But at the time, I had no personal experience with it so it was just a film. And in some ways, I found it unbelievable. Even in her movie, I thought “that guy is way over the top. This is unrealistic.” And I didn’t understand how she felt so trapped and couldn’t get away. It just seemed extreme.
There were a few other films or short TV movies I’d seen. Again, it all seemed remote, distant, not applying to my life.
Then I had my own experience. Which was shattering and isolating and the PTSD that followed for a very long time after (and during), intensely.
And the experience I had from that was that no one in my life understood what I was going through. Only from a distance, like I had felt, watching those films. But they didn’t really KNOW.
I have actually not seen anything film-like, graphic, since then. So it has been a long time.
This short film is really good. I like it that it is so short, because it is very hard to watch. But like she said, she needed to get her experience onto film, to take it somehow out of her head, out of her (and that this worked), I found it similarly helpful to view, even though our situations/scripts were not exactly the same.
It’s a sisterhood that no one should belong to. But we do, and it helps to know that we are not alone.
I’m not sure what the next steps could be. You can’t ERASE the experience from your life. Just keep interpreting it, I guess. The physical body will work to heal itself. The psyche is a little more tricky.
In a word, harrowing.
What a brave woman.
It is testament to her strength, physical and emotional that she survived and is able to “get on” with her life.
So many triggers in just the title of this I couldn’t watch the video…I know all too well how bad things can get inside the house of a psychopath. Damn…so glad information is getting out there!
Sharon,
I admire your braveness in doing this film and re-living the horror to be able to release it and share it with us.
What struck me the most was that you said you had never experienced physical violence with this indvidual and you didn’t think he was capable of it….only to find out otherwise.
I was lucky I escaped Sociopathic emotional and sexual abuse after 5 years, not ever experiencing the blows like you did, I too never thought he was capable of physical violence even tho my friends would warn me, I’m glad I didn’t have to find out. I guess getting bit during sex and getting literaly pissed on and my face covered in urine was the worst of it.
He still stalks me even though he has a new GF, but after hearing your story I wouldn’t put it past him to do the same.
Thank you for sharing, blessings and hugs to you,
Aeylah
The beginning of this is just how my last encounter with my first spath went. I had been with him on and off for 18 years. We both went to counseling for 2 years and he still had anger issues. He was sober for 2 years. After I said I couldn’t marry him when he proposed until he got his anger under control things started escalating agains so I ended it.
5 months later a knock at the door at about 10:30pm and I opened it as we had no bad words with each other. Little did I know.
This movie was me give or take more or less. I ended up with 32 stiches in a knife wound. This was in 1996 and I really understand how it was for her.
A year later after much time of not healing, living in fear and being stalked and harrassed by him I met the father of my child at a softball game. He was worse than the spath I knew. I thought I was smart and wouldn’t let my heart get involved and let him go at the first sign of trouble (3months). It’s 14 years later and he hasn’t let me go. My life has been one nightmare after another with sprinkles of goodness.
The word must get out as it wasn’t until I was over 30 years old that I understood/accepted some people are just bad, mean, evil.
This movie didn’t make me cry but tears were rolling down my face. No emotion except my heart beating fast……hhmm
Eralyn
wow, Eralyn, me too. I had tears rolling down my face but I wasn’t crying, if that makes sense.
Dodged another bullet — I just couldn’t take the way Jeremy Torrie does business (if this guy really is Jeremy Torrie). He was coming into my city today to film me for a documentary he was making. So many red flags it became hard to keep track.
I May as well just give it up first so I don’t spend another minute wondering if this guy is for real. After 24 hours with no contact I finally emailed him this morning and asked him to confirm his arrival. I also called his hotel to see if there is a reservation for Jeremy…there is. And, he emailed me back to say he was on schedule.
I could have spent a lot of money on facial, hair, nails today to look good for the “documentary” but decided Jeremy was not worth another minute of my time. After once again refusing to give me his cell number I wrote him this:
“Over and out…
Sorry Jeremy; Can’t play cat and mouse anymore. Only phone # I have for you is out of service…I see nothing in google about this production, you don’t have a film crew…red flags all over the map although I did check and see you have a room at the Grand. Strange again because you seem so tight about money.
One phone call could have prevented my cancellation – you are far too evasive for my taste.
It’s not the way I do business and every fibre in my bones says I’m wasting my time.
Good luck in your film.”
Did I do the right thing? Who knows and who cares; the point is I’ve been sitting on the edge of my seat wondering if this film producer was for real or not. I made appointments to spend my money to try to look my best for the filming…for what? I can’t spend another MINUTE wondering if this guy is a sociopath (remember, he had not read my book…only heard my radio interview based out of California).
Just learning how to trust my own instincts and if I am wrong and this guy is the real deal…my bad; but at least I don’t have to work with an evasive guy who refused to give me any information about himself other than his email address.
*sigh*
YOU SURE DID DODGE A BULLET! That was GREAT OF YOU TO SEE THE RED FLAGS! You go girl! That kinda sorta same thing happened to me some years ago….but I brought my momma to the “filming” Funny how he wasn’t there. And mom thought it weird that he was in an empty apt. (I got down on my stomache to look in under the door to this apt. where the filming wass wupposedly at) Thank g-d for my mother then.
nothing but sunlight in the apt. Then this lady neighbor opened the door said other women have come also knocking at the same door. Nobody there….I was this dancer then …all I can say is thank god I was spared! Creepy and shame on me for thinking I was special that he “picked” me!
This movie is like all the men I’ve dated or lived with….I just don’t date or do anyof that anymore…just not for me. Plus something is wrong for me to keep picking such disordered men. I’VE HAD IT and I’m 51yrs.old
This was a triggering film to watch. My ex Spath never beat me to the point that this poor young lady was beaten to, but he was physically abusive, especially during my pregnancy with our child. And then I did experience traumatic violence from my parents in childhood. I don’t regret watching it and I think the portrayal of re-experiencing the violence and fear via PTSD flashbacks is spot on.
My ex Spath has admitted to being responsible for the disappearance of a man in 1997. His reason for murdering this man was because the man disrespected him, by attempting to have sex with his then girlfriend. No regard for the well being of the girlfriend, mind you. Just rage that the man in question knew it was his girlfriend and made a move on her. I can only imagine what he is capable of doing to me for “taking away” his child via supervised visitation, and then our subsesquent out of state move. I know he is capable of killing, and I know that I have given him more than enough reason in his twisted way of thinking. My car had already been keyed twice since he was released from prison and I had been granted sole custody (physical and legal) of my daughter. And he was stalking me without directly violating the restraining order. He was talking about his plans to take me to court for more visitation, including over nights.
He once told me he was afraid of his children calling another man Daddy. I didn’t catch it at the time, but it was all about his ego. He didn’t say “I am afraid of my children growing up without a father.”
I know that I am fortunate to have escaped him. I have no question in my mind that he would try to harm me if given the opportunity. Or hurt my daughter to punish me. No doubt.