I did not experience violence at the hands of my sociopathic husband, and for that I am eternally grateful. But 36 percent of the people who completed the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey said they were physically abused, and 34 percent said their lives were threatened.
A short film by Sharon Wright, called Tell Me That You Love Me, provides a chillingly accurate depiction of violence in an intimate relationship. It’s chilling and accurate because she experienced it.
Sharon explains why she made the film in a separate YouTube video. I cannot add anything to her words, except to thank her for making the film. It captures, in a little over five minutes, the horror of domestic violence, and the aftermath for the victim.
I also thank Robert in Seattle, who forwarded the links.
P.S. This film may be triggering to Lovefraud readers. Sharon suggests that you not watch it at work or around small children. I second her advice.
[youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/6coONebv-Qs] [youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/2x4694ExyCU]
Super great we keep each other informed about others in the community.
Speaking up, I think it is important that we net-work and also get the word out.
I can’t remember now but some famous person once said “I don’t care what they say about me as long as my name is in the papers” and I think sometimes that is true about any “cause”
Psychopathy functions better in the dark than in the light of day. EVIL functions better in the dark than in the light. It is important that we focus the BRIGHT LIGHT of awareness of psychopathy on what is and what is not “psychopathy”
EVIL is a “concept” but it has a “range” of consequences from a stolen pencil to WWII…and everything in between. Not all psychopaths (or evil people) are killers, and not all killers are Charlie Manson, and not all serial killers are Hitler….but the “concept” of EVIL can be observed in all of those ranges.
We must point out to others what we have experienced as evil and psychopathic victimization. We must stand up and say “NO MORE!” We must teach young women and young men to set boundaries and not allow abuse, not to laugh at abuse (in any form) and to have a moral compass and use it. That’s a big job and one that has been failed by human kind since the Garden of Eden and since Cain killed his brother. Doesn’t mean we don’t need to continue the fight though just because some people (most people?) either sit idly by or don’t see what evil/psychopathic people do, or even actively encourage those who do evil
Glad you were able to watch the vid and not be triggered Speaking up. My country internet connection (slow and small) won’t allow me to watch videos. Maybe one day we will have DSL out here. It is within 2 miles or so of my door now, but not moving at all. LOL
Oxy,
you write some great articles and some awesome posts, but this one is one of the greatest. succinct, to the point and really describes what the problem is: the degrees of psychopathy.
When is “evil” really TOO evil? Is it the stolen pencil or the murder?
Is it coveting thy neighbors goods or their spouse? Envy is envy. there is no difference, it’s unfortunate that we are taught otherwise, since envy is a slippery slope. Furthermore, it’s contagious.
Yeah, it is all about shining the light on the evil. My good sis and my parents think it’s ok to be “polite” to the spaths in our family. It’s not. It’s what gives them power: the fact that good people don’t want to be rude. NC is the only answer. Gray Rock is for when you have no choice.
“My good sis and my parents think it’s ok to be “polite” to the spaths in our family. It’s not. It’s what gives them power: the fact that good people don’t want to be rude. NC is the only answer. Gray Rock is for when you have no choice. ”
YUP…….so true!
If more folks called BS on the spaths, they’d have nowhere to hide.
My parents have the same problem. Nobody wants to be ‘rude’.
Donna, thank you for posting this film, and I want to thank the courageous woman who put it together.
The second exspath wasn’t physically abusive, but the first one was. He never hit me in my face – he was very cautious about where to leave bruises, and the spousal rape…..well, let’s just say that the area where I lived may have had “laws” against spousal rape, but it wasn’t necessarily recognized as a serious crime.
Triggers. Yes. But, they are truthful – we should feel apalled, shocked, horrified, disturbed, and unsettled about domestic violence and abuse. We should.
Thank you, again, for posting this and I’m off to post it everywhere that I can where women (and, men) might recognize where they’re heading.
Brightest blessings
Erin and Sky,
You know it IS IMPORTANT for us to have a bit of diplomatic manners so that society can function…but Erin is right when she says we must call BS on these people who are doing evil things.
I don’t mean that we should go around “pointing out” every person’s faults like some sort of Puritanical morals police, but at the same time, we must not associate with people who are dishonest, abusers and there ARE times we need to openly confront the evil doer, or warn the potential victim.
I know we have discussed ad nauseum here the duty, if any, to warn the psychopath’s next victim. I was warned once about a man we engaged in business with and I did NOT listen and he screwed us royally! I was also warned about a woman who was “romancing” me to hire me, and I wanted the job and the pay and I didn’t listen….she abused me like she had abused all of her other employees, but fortunately I was in a position that I gave 2 weeks notice the next day and was GONE and refused to discuss it any more with her. I’m proud of myself on that one when I finally SAW what was going on, but if I had listened to the warnings both times I would have been much better off.
I have also warned people…who didn’t listen. I warned my egg donor literally on my knees and she didn’t listen and she got scammed. I warned my son C not to marry the woman who eventually tried to kill him….so I’ve never had any success in either warning others or in listening to warnings myself.
What I am though is no longer “being polite” to people who steal from me and abuse me and abuse others. I’m not sure it makes a difference to anyone but me…but I have been called “a prophet” once the others did get it after they were shafted. LOL
OxD, precisely. Being “polite” can rapidly turn into “tolerance” which then heads into being victimized. I’m DONE with being “polite,” especially when someone’s behavior is off the rails.
Calling people to the mat when they’re behaving in pasive/aggressive manners is the first step. If I ask someone if they’d like my help and they answer with, “If you want….” my immediate response will be (without fail), “Well, I don’t ‘want,’ but I made the offer.” Then, I’ll walk away knowing that I spoke truthfully and honestly without allowing someone to wipe their feet on my good intentions.
Yeah….kind of a fine line between being polite and being a doormat, and I’m not far enough in my healing to know the differences.
Brightest blessings
This movie was a major trigger as it starts out the very way my long term spath relationship (first love?) ended and with one of the most physically abusive attacks.
I am struggling with terrible humiliation regarding having a long relationship on and off for 18 years which had domestic violence over the years along with much crazy other abuses. Then when I finally get out of the first “love” of my lifes clutches, when I dare to breathe in the direction of another man, I allow myself to have a fling and become pregnant! He ends up being the lowest of lows and the more I learned the more I was disgusted. I thought I wouldn’t/couldn’t get hurt because everything was on the up and up and we were open about a “non-committed relationship” but I probably was the only one honest and believing from my mind things could go ok like that as that was where I was in life and had been hurt terribly from the past so wasn’t ready to engage my heart. All that did wa give him weapons to destroy me with. Then came the holes in the “responible” condom used. He’s good looking to others and not at all to me anymore as I see a monster.
I think there should be more awareness of the repetitive nature of these monsters sliming certain people. I have heard it said but people know even less about that than they do about psychopathy and sociopathy.
I withhold the previous spath info when speaking of my court case as the father of my child spath is so horrible and so abusive, the thought of then explaining “no he’s not first guy, first abuser of me, the same guy you heard I was with forever. He’s a different sicko.” Just makes me want to crawl away and hide as I don’t feel anyone would see me as the “business owner, honorable citizen, good mother” that I was before they knew. This is a whole other truth I live with and here on lovefraud, at least I know we understand more likely we have had them peppered throughout our lives even though some may be blindsided once and it’s enough.
It really does a number on me and I believe I truley admire people who have the guts to call the duck a duck. Embarrassment and shame may be a big reason people can’t admit it.
Truthy, when we first start to stand up for ourselves and set boundaries, sometimes we over react and become “cranky” (I know I have been there) but as I have said here many times, when my P “friend” (a woman) was caught CAUGHT RED HANDED BY ME stealing from me, I cried for 3 days worried I had HUMILIATED HER! LOL ROTFLMAO I finally set boundaries with this woman and her P husband who worked as an abusive TEAM like two wolves preying on others.
Eralyn,
The REPEAT victimization is very very VERY common, and you are not to be despised because of it.
When we are first abused we think about THEM, how we can get them to quit abusing us. Then when we DO get away from them we don’t realize that WE have some growth to do, and we are easy victims for the next path that comes along pretending to be sooooo sweet and LOVE BOMBING US.
The healing starts out about learning what THEY are and then becomes about HEALING OURSELVES of the lack of boundaries (among other things) that we fall prey to.
I have also been repeatedly victimized by a SERIES of psychopaths, starting at birth and going on until I was 60 years old and finally said ENOUGH! EVen now, my spath son stalks me from inside his prison cell and I still have to fear him either getting out and coming to get me, or sending another Trojan Horse crony out to find and kill me to enrich himself from our family “estate”—and no, we are not wealthy beyond your dreams, we simply have 120 acres of farm land and 3 houses perched on it. In fact, I live on Social security and small savings, made much smaller by having to hire attorneys to protest my son’s paroles every few years, and having had to buy an RV to live in when we had to leave my home before the arrest of the man my son sent to kill me.
So don’t beat yourself up for being a “repeat” victim. In the future you will be more cautious and keep yourself safer.
my ex never touched me from the neck up. I was unable to swallow for a week after being choked. Went to the ER with a torn meniscus when I picked up the phone in the middle of the night and he twisted my arm behind my back where I thought he’d tear it right out of the socket and threw me against the wall. Beat the door down to the bedroom to emotionally demean me, degrade me with weird sex and frighten my children who already went through hell. I’d say the emotional abuse was the worst.
The “colleges” college strippers, and desperate housewives call him this very, very nice military man (with the mansion and the high end Benz) while I still have panic attacks and looked over my shoulder for years, locking myself up in my home, in my car, for fear he might want to finish the job.
Yes, he goes to church, deflects his shamelessness on me for which I have to get punished. He occasionally (between affairs) texts me that he loves me and that he prays for me and my family.
Barf, barf.