Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader. Names are changed.
“Heather,” the author, says she has borderline personality disorder (BPD). People with this disorder are often manipulative and impulsive — similar to those with antisocial or narcissistic personality disorders. But unlike other sociopaths, people who have BPD suffer because of their condition. Women with BPD were often sexually abused as children. Men with BPD were often shamed as children. Lovefraud is publishing this to help readers understand the thought processes of people who self-identify as disordered.
Hello,
Your website is very informative and has definitely assisted me with my research. I have gotten much closer to my goal, which is to orchestrate the complete annihilation of a female narcissistic sociopath within my social circle. I am an extremely patient person, but it seems she insists on continuing her malicious games. Knowing how a sadistic sociopath thinks, I believe she has concluded in her limited capacity that I’m an easy target to be victimized at will. Unfortunately, I can’t spare her (and myself) from my dark spirit any longer. The dragon is now awake and she has no idea how her life is about to burn to cinders.
I’ll summarise some background information:
I have mastered being a full-fledged sociopath for most of my life. I’ve kept this personal anguish a secret. Perfecting my talents have endured – remaining undetected and I continue to apply my talents to the blissfully unaware. Please don’t get me wrong … I am inherently a good person. I have never applied any of my darker talents without good cause or provocation. I mostly use my given talents to improve my life, as well as to those that I consider to be my friends. My loyalty is extreme. However, there have been people who have greatly underestimated me. My ability to read people quickly and accurately enables me to tell them what they want to hear. I act and change according to what they think I should be. I’m the clown; the dumb blonde, the fool, the weakling – just to name a few roles – I never expose my intellect to anyone. Acting non-threatening to people enables me to hear and see all their secrets or sins. I keep those nuggets in my vault as back-up – just in case they should foolishly consider stabbing me in the back one day. To their detriment they still suffer for it and most of them are clueless as to my involvement into their lives turning so quickly into misery.
Now I know why I am like this…to add to my extensive resume, I also suffer from borderline personality disorder – BDP. I’ve made peace with my violent and abusive childhood, including the neglects I suffered. In short, my childhood was a nightmare. I had to learn to survive and cope outside of my family… also my younger sister is a diagnosed sociopath. Growing up with her taught me a lot about other sociopaths and their malevolent nature towards others. I hate my sister. She is the embodiment of evil. You might say I’m probably the good version of what a sociopath could be – if ever such a thing existed.
I went to university and got my bachelor of arts in psychology. I knew my key to surviving this world and the evils within it was to educate myself with knowledge that would armour me in the wars to come. I needed to understand what motivates them, what drives them? How can I influence anyone as a means to a better end? I do know people are not objects. I have sincerity and empathy towards everyone. I don’t share that emotionless sociopathic trait with most other sociopaths. I can only conclude that my sensitivity is the BPD and sociopathy integration.
The BPD brings with it a whole bunch of other issues. I have hyper sensitivity, extreme abandonment issues, terrifying temper tantrums, my destructive behaviour also includes abuse of alcohol … just to list a few.
Ok well here is the current situation:
This woman was targeting my boyfriend. She only targets men in relationships; it gives her satisfaction. I don’t have to go into details about what her diabolical reasons are for this behaviour. We were experiencing issues … mainly caused by my BPD.
As a sociopath, she used all the manipulation techniques:
1. She claimed to be suffering from stomach cancer – playing the victim
2. Allowing him to expose our most intimate issues to her – giving her ammo to reinforce his reasons to leave me
3. Playing the doting friend and stroking his bruised ego. Constantly telling him he deserves better.
Now my boyfriend is a very naive person when it comes to people. He is a wonderful good soul and because he does not have a malicious bone in his body, he thinks that everyone else also has sincere intentions.
All the other things she did intertwined, and she probably thought he was caught in her net, because my boyfriend and I was apart for a month.
He called me one night and told me that he loves me and misses me and we got back together immediately. On the condition, of course, that we work on our issues … specifically my BDP. I had to share my BDP with him after our last fight, because he could not understand my behaviour, which had become worse due to my negligence to control it.
Now obviously this woman got a huge surprise when she saw us back together. She tried to interfere again, but he did not take the bait. Part of our agreement was also for him to stop sharing our personal relationship details with her. He apologized for discussing our personal details with her for over a year and he understood that he was a fool for giving her any ammunition to sabotage my reputation as well as our relationship. Consequently he ignored her attempts to involve herself and we all know that this rejection infuriated her. She started playing into my BPD. She had ammunition of course … compliments of my boyfriend (Simon) and she started to antagonize me. Very subtly she would stare me down, and flirt or text Simon excessively, to evoke a violent response from me. I tried my best not to fall into her trap, and Simon did not believe me. I was imagining things? One night I lost it and almost attacked her violently in the pub. Of course she played the innocent victim and all my other friends said I was crazy….
Of course we broke up again … and Simon told me that we are over forever. Naturally she slivered herself onto him again and another month passed and her games to catch him started again.
Well … again he contacted me and we agreed to try again. This time he cried and said that I’m the only love for him. This proved once and for all that my fears of Simon leaving me for another woman was unfounded. Somehow I trust in his love fully. He still came back after everything … that can only be true love. Finally I’m secure and I know he will never abandon me again …
Obviously … her response was shock and horror. I imagine her anger was multiplied. How dare he reject HER for ME?
Simon agreed to intensify his attempts to avoid her.
She continued her staring down techniques on me, but I was not bothered. Actually one night Simon caught her staring me down … she messed up big time. Simon also apologized to me for not believing me previously.
She then cooled down for a while and I started staring back at her. I made sure she always looked away first. This definitely scared her. Yet she still continued her touching and flirting with Simon. I started staring her down cause I was adamant to mess with her. Also … we as a couple make a point of being excessively physical and happy when she is around or staring … that’s been great … seen her cry a few times … but I can’t be sure its a direct consequence of our actions … hmmmm.
Anyway last week she had an altercation with another friend of mine … my friend (Regina) also almost attacked her physically. Regina was the first to apologise to me for not believing me previously. I was so happy… finally it’s catching up with this woman. Soon she will hang herself.
Her nonsense stopped because she had another married man to target … Regina and I now discuss her and make fun of her in public … we laugh at how sad she is to think that she could ever try to mess with us … I think she is probably sh*tting kittens right now…
However last night at the pub she started staring down again … presumably in response to our smear campaign …
I’ve also told anyone that’s interested that she’s dating another married man and it’s become a bit of s joke around the pub.
I’ve told everyone she is a sociopath and a attention seeker for lying about her cancer … I’ve mentioned that I’ve never seen cancer patients getting fatter as the cancer progresses?
So I’m working my way through specific communication channels …
Finally I’m done playing nice. I’ve already downloaded a secret video recording app. I’m gonna catch her on camera the next time she tries her sh*t.
At last after all of this (Sorry for the long letter) … how can I effectively challenge her stare downs? I need an emotional outburst … crying or whatever.
Any advice please?
Regards,
Heather
Why falling for a romance scam doesn’t mean you’re stupid
Hi Heather,
Thanks for posting your story. There are several comments I’d like to make, but it may take me a while to assemble them. Meanwhile, you did conclude by asking for “advice,” and “advice” is much quicker and easier to offer! Hey, we all have “opinions,” right? 😉 But I’m pretty sure anyone here will give you the same advice, because it’s all over the site.
Specifically, do not engage this wretched woman any more that you can possibly help! It’s as simple as that.
I understand of course that she’s still trying to target you and may never give up. And since she’s almost certainly looking for ways to stab you in the back, by telling lies about you to your friends and others, of course you have to protect yourself against that, by keeping yourself informed of what she’s up to and countering her malice any way you can. But when it comes to these face-to-face confrontations, “staring her down” and so forth, all I can say is don’t do it!
There are two reasons for this. The first is that by openly challenging her in a hostile manner, you yourself are perpetuating the battle between you. OK, if you enjoy fighting for the sake of it, then go ahead and do it! But if you ever yearn for relief and peace, and a “quiet life,” then give it up! You’ve won!–this round at any rate. Simon is yours; certainly for the moment. Congratulate yourself on that well-won victory, and don’t rock the boat! The more you provoke her, the more likely she is to ramp up her own hostility.
The second reason is that if she’s the kind of “sociopath” you’ve labeled her, paradoxically if you display your anger toward her you’re actually giving her satisfaction! You’re signaling to her that she’s “getting to you.” And if she has psychopathic traits, no matter how angry she is at you over this rivalry between you, she’s also acting this way in part for her own sick notion of “entertainment,” of seeing how much she can rile you up. That’s how some of these people get their jollies. The more you display your hostility toward her, the more that encourages her to continue her own hostile behavior. It’s a fundamental law of behavioral psychology. If a behavior is “reinforced” with a response of some kind, the subject is more likely to repeat the behavior.
If you want to really piss her off, your best response is no response at all! You could ignore her as if she wasn’t there, but even that can be “too obvious.” Instead, treat her as if she were any other “normal” person to you! That way you maintain your precious pride and dignity, especially in front of your friends in your own social circle at the pub. You’re signaling your own strength: that “I am above all this. Nothing you do can touch me.” And while I don’t imagine she’s likely to give up this feud forever, you may hope to baffle her in her search for “satisfaction,” and discourage her somewhat from continually trying to get at you. If you feel the need for an “emotional outburst” in response to her own staredowns, do it later, in private. Meanwhile, just turn away and sadly shake your head as if she’s weird–which she is.
That’s my “advice”–for whatever it’s worth–so good luck with that part anyway!
Regards, Redwald