I wrote an article not long ago about settling on a name for the personality disorder that we spend our time here talking about. I suggested using “sociopath” as a general term for exploitative people. Many of us have taken to shortening this term to “spath.”
Well, a Lovefraud reader “Justdreamin” informs us that “spath” is taken. She saw it on a flower pot, and sent us the photos.
It turns out that “spath” is a shortened version of “spathiphyllum,” which is the botanical name for the peace lilly, a common houseplant.
We might have to come up with a new name. If I were a beautiful peace lily, I wouldn’t want to share a name with the nasty predators.
I have to sleep.
I’ll see tomorrow your “discomforts” 🙂
Goodnight/evening Claudia & LL
Eva, what I felt from him was an obsessive focus and immense and constant excitement. I didn’t really understand why this sudden and intense focus was on me in particular. But as the relationship “deepened” I thought it was because we were soul mates and deeply in love. I thought maybe I had missed out on what “true passion” was, and that true passion was that sudden and that intense. But what made me scared was him pushing the envelope. The more control he had over me and my life, the more he wanted. Our relationship was gradually becoming my entire life, which didn’t feel right and which made me very apprehensive given my circumstances.
Plus, once the intense focus and immense excitement diminished, I started to also feel a sense of desperation: what did I do to decrease it and how can I get it back to what it was before? I was completely addicted to the “passion” part. It’s what I suffered about most even afterwards, long after the relationship was over. It hurt so bad to realize that the “passion” itself never existed and was absolutely trivial and interchangeable.
Eva
Nite nite, Chica! Sleep well!
Claudia, I don’t think mine could keep the mask on that long. There are too many variables now that keep his rage in place, as well as inadequate parenting, hatred of his ex, with whom he has limited contact. I saw a few of the dynamics prior to the end of the relationshit. When I think about it now, I”m glad I’m out. There were just too many triangulations to set up. He wanted someone to cook, clean, drink with, have sex with and help pay the bills. Plus his habits were extreme and weird.
What a nightmare!
LL, I’m so glad you focus on how negative it was now. That’s seeing things clearly. When we focus on the “positive”, we see only the mask and the illusion.
Dear EB, glad your ALIVE!! That was one funny story about that Brer Bar,but hell, girl, you could ve been ET!
I bet it was the same Bar that drank all that egg nog! He or she must think you are the source of all good things!
Isnt it amazing that you were more scared about the possibility it was your ex spath THAN A BEAR!
I expect youll be gald when the place is sold and your finally settled in the other house.
One step Joy,
I think you DID GOOD Gal!{Re the power hungry lady who wanted to “question” you.}
Good on you as they say here in Oz!
Re the barking dog, I know how draining, tiring, and plain iritating and stomach clenching this is,a s we have a neighbor with noisy dogs.From expereince I found that the rangers from the council go to the home of the dog, slip a notice in the letter box, if the dog is not barking when thy call round, they do NOTHING. I tried ringing the RSPCA re another very loudly barking dog,a huge irish wolf hound that was left in a huge cage all day on its own, in full sun..{I was sorry for the dog too!} They went round to the place, and hey presto the dog was GONE in a week!
Meanwhile very thick lined curtains {op shops can help here,}help, plus I have one of these audio things that mimics ocean waves,I turn it up real loud, and it covers everything, and I got used to the ocean noise, its very soothing.
Good luck, glad your OK, I missed you lots!!
Love,
GemXX
BTW ,EB, Ive just thought of a new Musical,-a sequel to “Hairspray,” called “Bearspray!
Maybe John Travolta will be in it too,plus a a dancing Bear thet turns into Prince Charming at the end!{A bit like Beauty and the Beast!}
Whattya think?
Love,
Mama gemXX
Dear One,
I saw this NO BARK sonic thing advertized on TV for $10 and it claims that it makes a dog stop barking….yea, and those pills cause you to lose weight too….but I wonder if there IS such a thing that REALLY works. Maybe you could check on the internet and see if there is such a thing.
I worked outside today in the raised bed gardens and I will be sore tomorrow I am sure. I think I’m gonna take a couple of tylenol and go settle down with my book. Weather was awesome and will be for another couple of days, sunshiine and spring!
I only have a minute before i have to hit my 9 pm bedtime to get enough sleep before you know who wakes me in the morn….just wanna say I LOVE YOU GUYS! What great responses to my enraged, eff you behaviour. I trust your take on a lot of things, so i am going to trust you on this one too!
oxy – the dog no bark things do work. it will be mentioned in my letter to him.
gem – dog is upstairs from me, not outside. dog is sweet and lonely – but he moans from 4 am to whenever. i will deal with all of this when my conference is over…in the meantime it’s 9 pm bedtimes for me. makes me so mad i could spit.
mil0 – loved this! ‘How “Lilly” Got “Peace” From Her Spath’
EB – i will be back by next week. i want to talk with you about fear, and making plans so that you have a routine to go into when/ if you are paralyzed again. and damn the bear lady. what was up her butt? a security guard? snort!
Claudia,
Yep. Still pretty disappointed about losing this therapist. I felt so BLESSED to have him! ONE more contact tomorrow, and if that doesn’t pan out, well, I’m screwed.
Sad state of affairs in our state when the demand outweighs the supply of really good therapists.
My therapist and I did some discussion today of “teaching” other therapists about psychopathy. That conversation lasted for us both, about five minutes lol! I’m not in a position to “teach” (nor do I care too) someone about psychopathy or trauma bonds. There are MANY places that offer addiction treatment, child and family therapist but very FEW that offer therapy for adults dealing with similar issues without it costing a fortune and something that my insurance would cover.
Sucks.
LL
LL, Could you show your current, good therapist the list of therapists covered by your health insurance, so he could at least recommend whose waiting list you should put yourself on?